There are 5 things every woman ought to know about men – 5 “fundamental truths”. Not knowing these and not appreciating the importance of these, will mean a great deal of pain and suffering.

So in this article, you will discover what these 5 things are, and what they mean to you…

Now I don’t have to tell you, that men and women are inherently different… I mean, that’s obvious.

But listen, for most of us, it’s hard to even imagine what it would be like in the body of the opposite sex. We just have no idea, it’s incredibly foreign to us.

We can perhaps intellectually talk about it, but it’s very hard for us to have that bodily experience.

Suffering through lack of understanding and appreciation.

And it’s through these incredible differences between the sexes that cause most of our suffering in dating & relationships.

Look, I’ve been guilty of this, a million times, so I’m not pointing the finger. My role is to perhaps give you some insights regarding men so that you can feel more successful with men and also hopefully you won’t get stuck in a place that you don’t want to be.

Because I can tell you this, as a man, my intuitive thoughts, feelings and actions are most likely completely different to yours as a woman.

That’s not me being sexist, that’s just how it is because of our different biochemistry. Your biochemistry could be very similar to mine and we would share a lot of commonalities, but if you’re like the 80 to 90 per cent of all women in the world, that’s probably not the case.

You see, our biology dictates a lot more of our thoughts, feelings and behaviour than we give them credit for.

Our different sexual hormones have been shaping our brains since before we were born.

So by understanding these 5 fundamental truths about men, you are literally giving yourself a sense of confidence that you other wise wouldn’t have.

Not to mention, the man that you choose to be with, will ultimately be grateful to you that you understand him.

Every single man wants to be silently understood…

Look, we all have different backgrounds and beliefs, and we all have a different idea of what an outstanding relationship is, but I can guarantee you this, every single man on earth would love to be with someone who gets him.

Someone who understands the the inherent struggles and challenges of a man. Someone who doesn’t go straight to judgement but rather stays patient and wants to understand.

Not to mention, you’ll become an infinitely more valuable woman to any man you’ll ever meet.

Here are the 5 “fundamental truths” every woman ought to know about men.

1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman

How a man treats you, is a direct reflection of the energy you’re putting out.

Now, just so you know, I’m not blaming you because someone was being a jerk to you.

Doesn’t matter which way you look at it, he was still a jerk.


You have to be responsible for the energy you put out in to the world, because every single man will be picking up your energy and responding to it in their unique ways.

Sometimes I tell people, it’s not so much that he’s a jerk, he’s just a jerk to you.

Now, I know that doesn’t sound very nice, but listen…

Men will definitely show up as more of a jerk if you show up as a low value woman. They don’t always mean to be jerks, but they’re just acting out of their natural instinctive responses.

That doesn’t mean it’s your fault. But it’s always good to understand the effects of your energy upon other people.

At the same time, these “jerks” will show up completely differently if a high value woman was to walk by.

Just like yourself, I’m sure you can relate to this… sometimes you don’t mean to be a bitch, but in front of certain people, you just can’t help it. Right?

You’re simply responding to their energy.

Well, the energy you put out into the world matters, because men will always respond to your energy.

And this is especially true when you’re meeting and dating men.

Your energy will determine whether he would want to be with you long term, or if he only wants something more casual.

Which leads me to the next point.

2) It’s in every man’s nature to love commitment.

Look, it’s not that men are commitment phobic, even though they are.

Let me explain…

I can honestly and sincerely tell you that inside of every single man, is someone who would love to commit completely and deeply to one woman, even those who are extremely commitment phobic.

How can I say that?

Because all men have the neurology and biochemistry to commit. The act and the desire to commit is hardwired in men.

In fact, I would go as far as saying that, we are meant to be pair bonded and committed.

The problem is, most women don’t show up with the energy that inspires the man to commit deeper.

Think about it, how many times have we seen a man, who goes around dating different women never wanting to settle down, and one day… he meets the one and it’s all over? Right?

For a man who never want to be in a long term relationship, he just can’t help but want to be in one.

It’s happened in the movie, crazy stupid love, love and other drugs, and many other movies because this theme is rather common in life.

Because all men have the hardwiring to want to commit, but they just need the right energy in front of them.

That’s where you come in.

So you might be wondering, what is this energy I’m talking about that inspires a man to want to commit? Well you’ll find the answer in our online commitment masterclass. Don’t worry, it’s completely free for you to attend.

Click here to attend our Commitment Masterclass.

3) Men chase 2 types of woman, but only commits to one of these types.

Have you ever had the experience of having a man very interested in you initially, but at a certain point weeks or months into it, he suddenly goes cold? Like bam, he’s gone.

Here’s why…

Men automatically and subconsciously categorise women into two baskets. They do this, not because they’re manipulating bastards, but because both men and women inherently have two mating strategies.

For men, they’re either seeing you as his one and only, in which he will invest his energy and emotions in you, OR he will see you as one of many.

And there’s an astronomical difference between two categories.

You see, when a man sees you as one of many, he will still show a great deal of interest in you. He will pursue you, he will give you a great deal of attention. Fantastic.. Actually NO.

This is where a lot of women fall into a trap of actually thinking that this attention actually means something.

Unfortunately as one of many, all this man is interested in, is to get inside your panties. That’s why they usually disappear after having sex with you, or if they feel like they’re not going to get any sex any time soon.

This is an entirely sex driven pursuit and for the most part, it’s probably something you want to avoid, if you want a committed relationship.

However, if the man sees you as his one and only, he will still show interest in you, and pay you a great deal of attention, but there’s a lot more to it than that.

He will want to spend time with you, just for the sake of spending time with you. He will want to be emotionally invested in you, which for a man, that’s a big deal.

So how do you tell if he’s interested in you as his one and only? Or just one of many?

One thing you need to look for, are indicators of commitment. How much does he want to spend time with me just to spend time with me, without the end goal of having sex? That’s the question you have to ask.

Now you’re probably wondering, how do I get him to see me as his one and only? What do I have to do?

The answer here, is a concept I call high value vulnerability. We talk a lot more about this inside our program Commitment Control 2, if you want to check that out, I’m sure there’s a link somewhere.

But remember, men chase women for two reasons. But men only ever commit to a woman he perceives as his one and only type of woman.

If you want a committed relationship, that’s where you want to be.

4) Sex is a cheap commodity to a man.

If you are like most other women who are naturally feminine in your biology, then how you see sex is not how a man sees sex.

After all, you have the eggs, he’s got the sperm… which automatically creates problems…

An egg from a fertile woman fetches up to 30,000 dollars on the open market. One single egg that is. For men, a bucket load of sperm is still pretty much worthless.

So this difference in biology means that men see sex somewhat differently to women.

One of the biggest and most important insight you need to understand is that for a man, love and sex are two different and separate processes.

If you were to examine a feminine woman’s brain through an MRI scan, you’d see that the parts of her brain that lights up for sex is quite similar to the parts of her brain that lights up for love.

There’s a big over lap.

Where as for most masculine men, the overlap is very small. In other words, the part of his brain that lights up when thinking about sex is very different to the parts of his brain thinking about love.

What does that mean for you? It means that men by default, separate love and sex.

Don’t ever assume that by having sex with a man, he will love you more. And don’t assume that if he loved you, he would have sex with you. These are two very different pathways for a man.

Think about the implications of this…

So we live in a world where sex is rather everywhere and very easily accessible. Any man with his paycheque in his pocket can have access to sex almost guaranteed. Any man with an internet connection can access the plethora of free porn that is floating above us in the clouds.

So to men, sex has become rather a commodity, it has become cheap. The value of sex for the sake of sex, is rock bottom. Men may chase after sex, but they don’t value it. It doesn’t really mean anything to them.

So what does that mean to you as a woman?

Well, firstly, your value to a man is not that you can give him sex. But what is value then to a man?

Which brings me to the last point.

5) Your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him. Your ultimate value and ultimate gift to a man is your energy.

Look, men’s lives are actually quite boring. The masculine energy is a dead energy. It’s not alive like the feminine.

You as a woman, can light up a man’s life infinitely more so than any of his projects, deadlines, world championships or ambitions to dominate the world. That is your gift.

That’s what men would trade everything in the world for.

It’s that spark of life, that they can never obtain from their masculine lives.

Because anything that lives in that masculine domain is emotionally dead. A man may thrive in that environment and really feed off that sense of mission and achievement but nothing will compare it to that fire that a woman can plant in his heart.

Your job is to plant that fire with your energy.

And once you do, nothing else will matter.

So just to recap. The 5 things you need to understand about men are…

1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman.

2) It’s in every man’s nature to love commitment.

3) Men chase 2 types of woman, but only commits to one of these types.

4) Sex is a cheap commodity to a man.

5) Your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him. Your ultimate value and ultimate gift to a man is your energy.

Think about the implications of these 5 truths about men.

Think about how these affect your preconceived ideas about men, love and relationships.

Now we have a whole 2 week home study coaching course on understanding men. The program is literally called Understanding Men because we go deep into the psychology of men, so that you can understand and easily predict what your man is thinking and feeling.

This is usually the first program I recommend women take, because knowledge is power and knowledge in men is of course, power with men. And through the special exercises we’ve put together in this program, you too will have the understanding of men that most women never get.

As one of our existing members once mentioned, this is the training program that every woman needs to go through, she wished she had gone through the course 22 years earlier herself.

So now, I want you to do some reflection and leave a comment below to share with us…

What key ideas really resonated with you from this video?

How will these ideas affect your life and your interactions with men?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time, make sure you look after yourself, give yourself the resources you need so that you can show up as the high value high status woman you were meant to be.

Talk soon.

NEWPolaroid David

D. Shen

Commitment Triggers

P.S. Now whilst I’ve got you here, let me ask you…

Do you know exactly what you need to do in order for a man to want to commit to you? Do you know exactly what has to happen for him to see you as his one and only?

The answers to these questions will be revealed in future episodes of Commitment Triggers, so make sure you subscribe and stay tuned in.

Author D. Shen

David is the founder of Commitment Triggers & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to attract a high value man and inspire him to be emotionally committed to the relationship long term.

More posts by D. Shen
  • Amazing article, I enjoyed it. Love you. XxX

    • Anna C

      I love this comment. I hope to be this enthralled with my husband after more than 8 years being together.

  • Harry

    Men’s energy is not dead energy. It’s sperm that carries the spark of life. The primal urge to fertilize as many eggs as possible does not preclude a man’s urge to be committed to a single woman that appreciates him and makes him feel needed, and loved.

    • D Shen

      Who was it that mentioned men’s energy is dead energy?

      • Harry

        It’s in your piece, right after your fifth point.

        • D Shen

          Do you mean when I said… “The masculine energy is a dead energy. It’s not alive like the feminine.”?

          • Julie

            Great article! Has really helped me to understand men and myself more. If men don’t place any value on sex, then why would they use sex as their main way of expressing their love to their partner? Does it mean if a man’s love and sex area of his brain has very small overlap, does he always separate love and sex even when he’s in love?

          • Harry

            If I may, sex is not the way I express my deepest love. I express it by caring, providing, and being concerned about my partner’s well being.

          • D Shen

            Hey Julie. Good questions. Where did you get the idea of men’s main way of expressing their love through sex? And what kind of love do you mean?
            Sex is a man’s default thing to go to. It usually doesn’t take much to convince a man to have sex.
            However when a man’s in love, there is more overlap between sex and love. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a lot of separation, but love becomes the predominate place he operates from.
            Does that make any sense?

          • Julie

            Hi David, I got the idea of men using sex as their main way of expressing love (I should have said one of their main ways) from your lovely wife Renee’s article ‘5 Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t deprive their Men of Sex’. Also I have experienced this way of thinking from my new partner of 7 months, and I know he hasn’t read this online. He automatically assumed that It would prove his love for me by ‘making love’.
            That is very reassuring to know that men can operate from a place of love with sex. But I guess men need to compartmentalize this to a certain degree because if they let anything in their life that is not going right put them off sex, then we there wouldn’t be too much procreating going on. So I get why they need to be or are that way.

          • D Shen

            Ahh! Thanks for letting me know. Men do express love in the form of sex when he loves you in the first place. So it’s contextual.
            It’s not the same case when you go pick up some random guy for a one night stand… So if a man has some level of commitment to you and loves you, then YES, sex is an expression of love.
            Hope that made sense.

          • Julie

            Yes David, perfect sense. Thanks to you and your wife, I have finally found out why I have had the same repeated outcomes with relationships. I know it is never only one persons fault for a breakup and I’ve always wondered where did I go wrong and now I understand the part I’ve played in the dynamics of my relationships. This has really been a lightbulb moment for me, thanks.

          • Julie Gregory

            You refer to masculine energy not men’s energy. I totally got what you were saying. Masculine energy is dead energy. It builds things does things but it is contained. A man in the presence of female energy is a changed man by the alchemy of it. He knows it and becomes addicted to it. It calms him and gives his ego pursuits context. He comes home to it to be restored by her energy. Life is hard for a man. It’s full of his worst fears, his possible failure which is like death to a man. He needs the feminine energy to quell fears and recalibrate to be able to go out in the world and live a man’s very hard existence. As a woman you have this one of a kind energy. Cultivate it. Let a man see a little bit of it. Then slowly back away leaving a bread crumbs. Make him come to you to get your energy. For you as a woman to have this energy and give it away to him subconsciously tells the man he can find another woman with this energy who values it more. Since he wants the very very best for himself he does not commit to you. For you to possess this energy and then chase a man that says you don’t even realize how valuable you are to your own self. So keep that energy close use it as needed to draw yourself to you the man who will on every level at every stage treat you as his one and only. If he let’s you fall..If he takes the heat off..If he leaves you in confusion or hurt by withdraw he has already disrespected your calming and amazing energy. So do not give him another chance. Retreat into self and know this energy you have is what man’s ego would die for. YOU the woman have something every man is hunting. Cultivate it. Use it. Value it. Protect it. Do not give it away to an unworthy man.

  • Zully Diaz

    I love this triggers !!!! I have been reading Renee before and this is really working for me … I was all the time a low value woman and I met a wonderful person a week ago and I’m practicing everything that I learned from you guys and he is completely committed to me !!! He can’t stop himself of seeing me for just having me in his side !!! He was a jerk before he said and now he is the most lovely person on earth that I have ever met … It’s a wonderful feeling that I’m his princess and i want to learn how to maintain this healthy relationship that we are building … So please keep posting because I love it!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!

    • D Shen

      That’s amazing to hear Zully! 🙂 I’m very happy for you.

      It’s so incredible how someone could be a jerk in the past and suddenly change all his ways because there’s a new energy in his life.

      Feel free to share any specific insights you’ve learnt along the way!

      • Ana Globe

        could he change his views of the same woman, if she learns from all this? or is she tag dead for the rest of her days from this man?
        Are there 2nd chances with the same man who already tagged the woman as 1 of many?

        • D Shen

          Yes, there are of course 2nd chances. It doesn’t come easy though…!

    • Mon

      What have you been practicing and where? I would love to know!

  • Anna C

    Hello David! Great article as always… What you said about men not being jerks sometimes, but jerks to you really is profound, because that line contains a lot of information. Most women out there are ordinary, in that, they look for what they will get out of a relationship instead of what they will put in. They see the man as a trophy or source of money rather than a human being with unique needs and feelings. Because of that, the attitude is inherently selfish – What can you do for me? – or desperate – Love me please, I need attention now. This I think makes a man resentful inside, subconsciously, which causes him to act out in meaner ways. I learned that whenever one person starts to act mean to another, it’s because of hidden resentment. My man’s exes have always told him that he is mean. They say he was probably mean because he was born that way. I couldn’t see that at all. The truth is, he’s never been mean to me, he always surprises me with special things, he carries my bags and brings me drinks, makes me laugh, he’s very loving and grateful to me every day… and even when I destroy his things by mistake, he’s very sweet about it, because he knows I didn’t know or didn’t mean to do it. I think that is because I allow him to be free, in the way that he needs. That’s the thing actually….in order for a man to commit to you, he has to feel free… freer being WITH you than without you. But I think the secret ingredient in this recipe is to make him feel free IN THE WAY HE CAN RELATE TO. Not every man feels free in the same way. I learned from my ex, trying to make him feel free, we never could take the next step into total fusion of heart, mind, soul.. and then with my current guy, BAM, it comes together very easily because I allow him to feel free in the way he needs. Perhaps I did not give my previous man what he needed.

    But anyway, I digressed! Yes, men are always responding to the ENERGY you put out, and they need your feminine energy, that openness of emotion, to feel free. But sometimes, you have to go deeper, and assess just what TYPE of energy will release your man’s total freedom and give him exactly the type of energy he needs. Great article, and I have much more to say on it, especially in the area of ONE versus MANY and I learned the hard way that the key to commitment is being so high value that men see you as their ONE! Good luck to all the ladies out there… men definitely love to commit! Just keep looking and you will find one who just can’t wait to commit to you! It really is a dream come true.

    • D Shen

      Thanks for sharing Anna. It’s amazing how men change their attitude towards you when you show up differently… ie high value high status.

    • Cassandra johnson

      Thank you for sharing. I will remember one and only or one of many. To be someone’s light their energy is phenomenal.

    • Julie Gregory

      I honestly don’t think that’s true anna. I think why men are a jerk to some of us but not others is as easy to understand ad when we women are talking to guy we meet online. We’re our most respectful self to him and we’re charming and funny and tuned into him. We talk to him on the phone in our best voice because we’re imaging him to be a certain way. If we meet him and he’s not all that or not what we want the curtain drops and we no longer talk to him w the same level of invested energy. We turn into a jerk. I think what David is saying is that men like women turn on that charm driving tonward the end goal of sex. Then when they meet a better one ( ie when your one of many instead of the one and only) the facade to which they pursued you disappears and they act like a jerk. Because you no longer hold his interest. And honestly it’s not personal. It’s that every man is hunting the best for himself and right or wrong decided you weren’t the best for him. I think women are so used to be chased and being the ones to chose or reject that they don’t realize men do this too–they pursue you until they meet something hotter or more to their liking then drop you or turn on you without much thought. By the time you figure it out you are in their rear view mirror. And it just shocks us! WE are used to being the ones pursued and then rejecting or accepting. Not the other way around! I think this article is profoundly helpful in the sense that it shows us women that what we value in sex is not how a man works. And to be careful the level of sex you get to w a man until you know what his pursuit is about. The most charming of men can be in a sexual predator mode and here are you thinking the depth or frequency of sex equates to him valuing you. It doesnt. It only equates to sex. Your emotions that arise from his attention sexually are your own. This is a great insight to hold close to your chest about how the other half’s brain operates. And no judgment on men or women here they just operate and think differently. It’s in understanding how the male mind works that will allow you to navigate him. Word.

  • Julie

    Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I LOVE understanding men more and more, as it actually makes me just ADORE them! I love that many of the beliefs I had growing up as well as the beliefs that many people around me hold are UNTRUE! It’s a freeing, empowering and delicious treat to have free access to such valuable information. Thank you so much again, you and your wife Renee are both very inspiring individuals and role models and I think of you often.

    • D Shen

      You’re very welcome Julie.
      There’s nothing quite like the feeling of a new profound insight that shakes up an old belief that no longer serves.

  • Jasmine

    I must say this article was an eye opener as I found myself thinking back to my last “relationship”. I believe that the “power of knowing” or as you put “knowledge is power” is High value in itself.
    I attended church yesterday and the topic was “The Power of Knowing”, your article fits perfectly. Knowing yourself, a man or a woman, and God, very powerful sermon. For the women, this is what we are to know about the man we choose:
    1. A man’s greatest enemy is his EGO, respect (from a woman) calms the EGO
    2. A man’s greatest fear is FAILURE, support (from a woman) calms his FAILURE
    3. A man’s greatest weakness is the WORLD(lust), a virtuous woman calms his LUST.
    Thank you for an insightful article!

    • D Shen

      Thanks for sharing Jasmine! You’re absolutely right, knowledge and understanding gives you power and offers you the opportunity to become higher value.

    • The one who…

      This is interesting 🙂

      Glad I came by to read the comments.

      I wonder what the women version would be then…

      1. A woman’s greatest enemy is people pleasing. Maybe when she’s trying to seek everybody elses love and approval that she sacrifises her own needs and happiness and still loses out all the same (from a man) integrity so she can be guided to become more authentic.

      2. A womans greatest fear, being percieved as ugly/unattractive (from a man) it depends on the womans mood as sometimes she will apprecite being told she’s beautiful, but other times she’ll think he’s making it up or just saying it because he loves her.

      3. A womans greatest weakness, a mans sweet words, because sometimes we can all be drawn in at one point or another by a mans bs.

      • Jasmine

        Thanks for the reply. Well for the woman, how it was put, is totally different from the man. Our areas are affection, commitment, communication, honesty, and security. If a man does not provide in these five areas for a woman, then women become manipulators and seducers. Bottom line, it is in the power of knowing, for the lack of knowledge people are destroyed. I am not an expertise on any of this, that is D. Shen’s role, just enjoying the insight!

        • Wendy

          A women’s need in relationship is security, with security, women can feel like flying, without security, they become their own worst enemy. Therefore, to be able to find the right man who treat her well will make her a better woman. But not putting the cart before the horse.

        • The one who…

          Thanks for responding and I like your insight 🙂

          It sounds just about right and I’ll be sure to note it down on paper for guiance.

  • Rita

    Hi! Thank you for another great article. I’ve been reading yours and your wife’s articles for a while now. I had a very sad breakup a few years ago and since then I’ve been feeling so confused and messed up, trying to understand why I felt and acted the way I did. After that breakup I fell in love with a very manly and sweet man, that still means a lot to me but that I fear I’ve lost. I now realize how much I’ve learned from him, from the man he is. He came at the best and yet the worst time in my life (if you know what I mean). Your articles helped me understand what went wrong all these years, how my insecurities and low self esteem played such a big part in this mess. Now I need to forgive myself for not being able to defend myself and stand up to be the high value woman that I am and can be. Thank you! Cheers! 🙂

    • D Shen

      Thanks for sharing your story Rita!
      So great to hear that you’ve learnt so much from this man. When we make that shift to finding a better meaning from the hardest moments in our lives, then suddenly things become clearer.

  • The one who…

    The one who…

    • D Shen

      Sometimes when a woman learns that men are not safe, then she will perhaps choose the safest types of men… but then wonder why he’s so boring…?!
      And yes, our experiences shape the choices we make which shapes our lives every single day.

      • The one who…

        Aha, thankyou so much for taking the time to respond to my comment!! – Much appreciated and its been really helpful more than you can imagine – I really trust this scourse; what a legend 🙂

        I totally get what your saying as had someone in my life recently and he was defiently the unruling sort. He directly said that he’s no angel and I defiently felt an attraction towards him.

        However, I’m quick to size up people and situations so intuitvely tell how things are going to pan out, so it would have been unwise to truly become open to that man.

        The most interesting thing about him was that his real name was Jody which I abcerlutly loved. He said he hated it and tried to hide it from everyone, but really feel it suited him without knowing why – on him it remined me of years and years into time in a futuristic sense.

        Well not long after I met someone else recently, and he only used the word courting and helped me with the photo copying machine and I knew within those two simple actions that he’s a good man and wouldn’t cause any problems and sure I’m right as he told me recently that he donated blood – however, I don’t feel the overly need to spend any time with him.

        He would be a dependable man, so what you’ve said makes perfect sense!

        I guess that in time a happy medium can be found.

        Maybe the solution is to find an unruling man – man that can’t be dictated to with a strong sence of self and knowing who he is and doesn’t care whether others likes him or not, but with good morals and a life of his own.

        Lol :D, think thats possibly the perfect solution, but all in good time. I’m much done with the whole safety idea now and ready to step into the dark side.

        Times going to change everything and all will work out in time.

  • The one who…

    Just watched the video 🙂

    Oh, it was oh so valuable. And I know my life will never be the same again with men. This information really sticks, and especially on the parts about how men treat women if it’s just sex they want.

    Well, I am and always have been really intuitive and empathic, so I can tell how a man is being towards me! I guess that I just need tolearn the art of strengthening my bounderies some more and believe that I deserve to feel loved also – all in good time.

    Again, loving the whole video idea in this article, it really brings the writing to life 🙂 and loving the cup of tea.

    • D Shen

      The tea really brings the magic to the whole thing… can’t live without it! 🙂

      • The one who…

        Lol :D, so it was tea you were drinking then and not a cup of coffee. Well I’m just drinking coffee now as it goes ♡

        I was actually trying to read what was on the cup but couldn’t make it out 🙂

        Well jobs a gooden all the same and yes, the cup of tea really does bring the magic to the video; it really gives it the feeling of being at home.

        Good Job!

  • Yunita

    Hi David. It’s me Yunita. Well, what’s the meaning of high quality woman? How men differ/realise between high and low quality woman?

    • D Shen

      Great questions Yunita! I will explore those questions in some upcoming videos! 🙂

  • Tessa

    I’ve just read your article, and in many ways I think it ‘clarifies’ what many women know but have a hard time accepting (i.e., sex for a woman often triggers emotion that doesn’t tie in with ‘reality’, and men can enjoy it freely with zero emotion). But unfortunately, this whole aspect can at times have both men and women feeling there’s a win/lose aspect to dating. Also, your article really resonates on how men, friends and lovers, respond to a woman’s energy all the time. But I have to ask myself lately … why is it that women are even attracted to a man early on, when we don’t know who they really are, when we know that they start out so very casually … why do we even like them at all?! Perhaps this is harsh, I’m actually serious …. 🙂

    • D Shen

      We become attracted to people mainly because of their energy and if they fit in our “archetype”… ie he’s just my “type”.
      Problem is, these factors are independent of a man’s values, beliefs and habits.
      I definitely get what you’re saying about a win/lose situation in dating. But those situations are not based on 2 people falling in love, but rather a secret power struggle between two people.
      Anytime it’s a power struggle, there will always be one winner and one loser. When people fall in love, it’s win/win.

  • Leidy

    Energy, huh? Fascinating… I shall share my online profile and let
    me know if there is anything I have not touched with everything you
    profess I don’t know yet… LOL… Giggles… Chuckles!!!

    Mind you, I am just merely portraying to my audience who I am and what I want
    in life. My challenge to many males is the following: ~~~ How about
    you? Do you truly know who you are and what you want in life? ~~~

    “Hello Gentlemen. I am an alluring and confident young widow who is
    fairly comfortable in my own skin. Living a drama free life and laughing
    often helps to keep me looking young and vibrant. Aside from the
    obvious regular exercise and lifestyle choices conducive to my health,
    it gives me more Energy to lavish attention to your most direst of
    needs. When you just simply want to vent out the stresses of the day. I
    can be a real fortress and offer some Down Time, Me Time, Alone Time
    R&R. Are you ready to love and be loved in return, as much as you
    deserve? Cause I know that I am!!!

    With the right partner in life, we shall see what delightful serendipity
    can await us around the corner. As we explore our world and gain new
    experiences filled with fun and vigor and vim. What better way to be a
    couple, holding hands as we stroll down the marina and enjoying each
    other’s company? Don’t be shy and do drop me a line if you see yourself
    lovingly enveloped in my arms.”

    So, doesn’t that say it all? I think I’ve already gotten it along time ago.
    I believe I pretty much understand males. Just as there are low quality
    females out there, one thing I am disappointed you have not touched on
    is that there are an awful lot of low quality males out there as well.
    But that is just me, my take on life.

    Thanks for sharing. Perhaps someday you will hit the jackpot and give me an insight
    I don’t already know. Anyway, Happy Holidays to you and yours.

    ~~~ Liddy ~~~

  • Wendy

    There are so many articles teaching women how to chase men, attarct men, get men. The things make women so vunerable is that women focus so much on men while men focus so much more on themselves, what they want and what they get. Just this article prove the case as the whole article is a man talking about what women can do for them.
    For us women to truly find what we want, which is love and security in a relationship. The first step is to stop trying to find that through a man. Imaging you’re in a relationship, thinking about everything step you take, every strategy you use in order to get that man to make commitment to you. How tiring and unauthentic that relationship would be? Yes, eventually that man might commit to you, but you’ll then realized it was a big mistake as he’s not even closely to be the person you want or you find yourself miserable in the relationship but you don’t know why. And I’ll tell you why, because the whole time you were just thinking about how to make that man happy, you completely ignored what you want and what make you happy. And eventually if you take that commitment, you’re basically commiting to a life time of misery.
    The key is for us women to realize, commitment is not really what we need. It is what we want, but it is just the end of the rainbow, you get it, boon, happy, done, go back to normal life. But that’s not what relationship about, it’s about having someone sharing your value and make you feel safe and loved, someone who love and approve exactly who you are, even the insecure part of you. If you can find that person who make you feel that way, you don’t even need to worry a teeny tiny bit about commitment because it comes so natually you wouldn’t even notice. Easy does it. Relationship is not about struggling and achieveing goals, it’s about finding happiness and authentic love.

    • D Shen

      Believe it or not Wendy, collectively speaking men don’t focus on themselves any more than women focus on themselves. And especially in dating, women are not any more vulnerable than men.
      Of course it’s not easy to understand this unless you speak to a lot of men and walk a mile in their shoes.
      If you think this article was about what women can do for men, then I don’t think you read it right.

      • The one who…

        Aww 🙂

        This is nice ♡

        I completely get the message translated here, as can just picture a young girl/woman bitching about men and how he does this and that, but she’s not thinking out side of herself to connect to the person she’s talking about.

        Funnily enough I was speaking to a police man last week and told him about the understanding men programme – its a long story – but he smiled and said that he wishes someone would understand him.

        In turn that made me smile as I thought it’s nice to know that there are good men in the world who would genuinly like to be understood.

        Come to think about it, imagine if it was vice versa and someone was selling an understanding women programme, only for a man to say that he brought the programme.

        Probably it would make a’lot of women smile and openess and gaurds would drop more natrually 🙂


      I think that there’s a difference between having an insecure part, which everyone has to a certain degree (except you’re a narcissist) and being convinced that you are not supposed to have any imperfections at all. My theory is that it’s just as unhealthy as being a narcissist: Either you’re convinced you’re perfect & don’t have to grow (& everyone owes you everything) OR you’re convinced that the only way to get anyone owe you anything is by being perfect, yet it’s smth that can never be achieved. Neither of those sound human and love is HUMAN. By saying you’re “not good enough” you dehumanize yourself. Like “your material quality” low. Only your character can be “not good enough” but people who realize that will never tell their partner because they know character is smth they can work on and because in that case their partner encourages them to change for the better. You’re only insecure as in self-conscious about your looks for example if you think that you should fit in some fake image generated by the entertainment business (or other people) in order to be worthy (you can still dislike some of your body parts if you don’t let it take over/influence your life and if it’s due to your own perception). And people who go with the current and never think for themselves are not attractive.

  • jel

    i just cant understand men , i was dating to a guy that i meet in online and chat in a couple days ,then when we meet in person seems to be nice he often said he like being with me and he was happy and said he will comeback here in the Philippines again we had lot of fun when he was here ,I thought his ready for commitment but i was shock i still see him active in dating site i just dont get it!

    • D Shen

      Like I mentioned in this article, men chase after 2 types of women. It’s very important to know which type you fall into.

  • Anita

    I think the key thing was point 5. That your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him but your energy.
    It explains so much about what I have seen. Men leave women who bring so much to them materially, who cook and clean and take care of them and end up with someone else who they seem to click with, someone who doesn’t do any of those things but still seems to makes them happy.
    Its all about the energies matching, i guess.

    • D Shen

      Totally right Anita. Thanks for sharing.

  • Kaoru

    Nice article for women…

  • Katia (Italy)

    How to let him be involved into my incredible energy if he’s completely wired to his job goals at the moment..? He always says he is being with me as soon as his “black period” ends… he has good reasons for that and his job is no joke. I don’t want to be perceived as impatient but I am afraid this will ruin things if he does not do something for us. It seems like an “all or nothing” matter and no single part of his energy can be used for anything else… and we are just at the beginning between us. This should be fixed somehow in order to go on. What do you think?

    • D Shen

      That’s a man for you Katia… all or nothing. Sometimes that’s what a man needs to do to be worthy of being alive.
      So maybe it’s better to not see it as this needs “fixing”, as there’s nothing wrong with it. Rather… think of what he needs at this moment in his life… and what you need to do for yourself?

      • Katia (Italy)

        Thanks for your reply 🙂
        He has my full support because I see him as a wonderful guy for whom I have a deep respect and admiration. Seen from my point of view however I fear to lose connection with him in this initial phase of our relationship. I would like to participate to his mission somehow and also to share something from my everyday life, which is very full btw. He also is a few (but meaningful…!) words man so he rarely starts communication, even if he is very happy to hear from me. Sometimes I detach myself for some days because I would like to see him and I know he is not ready. Let’s say we are still checking our dynamics, so I think it’s delicate now… any suggestion?

        • D Shen

          I understand Katia. Sometimes when the timing is wrong, nothing else matters. That’s what so special about love, because it doesn’t always work out. Sometimes all you can do is appreciate it for what it is.
          In terms of suggestions, have you seen my attraction pebbles series? It’s all about re-establishing that connection in a non-needy and high value way.

          • Katia (Italy)

            Hi David, thanks for your support! I have to say that dealing with a masculine man is an incredible experience. Since he is buried in his work (he’s a young and successful farmer), it seems now that I am in charge of the relationship and he is completely okay with that. And when we happen to (finally) meet, he overwhelms me with his joy and energy and involves me in his life very naturally. 🙂
            I am very happy for that, also if I consider that my dad and mum had the same type of relationship, but in their case my mum was driven mad because she could not really handle that and they ended up fighting. So this relationship experience is also melting some old blocking ideas I had and opening me some new perspective about successful communication with my partner. If I do not “pop up” in his life regularly, he then replies to me like meaning “where have you been lately???”. Which is quite shocking for me as a woman, since we have always being taught to let men be the ones to initiate contact. When we meet in person, I let him do everything and this works perfectly, I really feel like he’s completely into me. But it is me in this period who arranges to meet him (he will stop working in September, so I hope that things will be more balanced at that time). What do you think about this? In a man’s mind, to what extent is it fair for a woman to do this in a period where he is buried with work and obviously focussed on his tasks and objectives? We are at the beginning of our relatonship…

  • felicia

    I would question about the 1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman.
    How about the possibility that we as women, picking up man’s energy?

    • D Shen

      Of course, no doubt that as women, you’re picking up a man’s energy!

      • felicia

        Thanks, David. I tend to respond to others energy or vibe whether men or women. If I pick up energy negatively or not 100% positively on the first date, does it mean it is not going well?

        • D Shen

          well, just know inside that something may be incongruent or something isn’t what it seems. Trust your intuition.

  • Kaoru

    Hi David,
    This is such a helpful article.
    Thank you.

  • toodleoo

    the women who are reading this shit are the women who aren’t going to find high value men anymore. maybe 10 or even 30 years ago it was still possible. nowadays, if you’re over 30, you’re really going to have a hard time finding someone you don’t feel like you’re settling for, though the truth is even that man is the one actually doing the settling.

    usually when low quality women wake up from their ways it’s too little too late, just look at all the shit out there on the internet of women complaining.

  • Amy M

    Hello David, I really enjoyed the article. I dated a few men that would just have sex and then I would only see him when he wanted that again. I just started dating a guy who is not divorced yet but is trying to finalize it and I get the warm fuzzy feeling around him and the first time we had sex he spent the night and wants to just hold me. He tells me that its not fair for me to have to deal with the drama of divorce which I have been thru myself. I want to learn how to use my feminine energy and understand men because I have never had a man respect me like he has. What I have read so far I think I have a little understanding to comfort him and hopefully have it have a happy ending!

    • When you’re able to find a way to add more value to him, then he will gladly look to deal with all your problems! 🙂

  • Shin

    Hi David, It is amazingly creative and inspiring what you and your wife Renee have been doing for the readers. Plus, bold and straightforward approach that people normally feel afraid to start up first.
    I’ve read through most of your articles and others comments as well, everything seems connected together and compliment to your works eventually! I’m certain I’m going to be here’s a big fan!
    Keep your works and always back up your website getting being famed!!

    Thanks a lot!


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  • janked

    I am having problems with this statement: ‘At the same time, these “jerks” will show up completely differently if a high value woman was to walk by.’ I have high value for some men, but there have been other men who have been complete jerks to me and respectful towards others. Isn’t it more the truth that men define “high value” based on the qualities they cherish in a woman and that this is different for every man?

  • WTF*?

    At the beginning of this year I did a vision board and had the strongest feeling of wanting to be “in love” again. Within two weeks, when i came to Hawai’i, I fell in love with a guy who I had been loosely texting for over a year. (5 texts in 12 months; 2 phone calls. He had been forthcoming in offering ideas where I could hike, swim and go camping. I did not sense any attraction from him, nor was I assuming or even thinking of anything happening between us.) I believe he did fall in love with my energy and how I was with him on our first dinner “date” – I love being in the islands so near to the water…I am kinesthetic and very in my body (stretching, sensitive to wind on my skin etc). I was happy being here and folded him into my happiness and the more I looked at him, understood him, noticed him and experienced his values, what a great father he is, kind to others, a great mind too. After only a few days he was talking and suggesting me moving to Maui (no sex had happened yet but the energy was completely there.) We were both blown away and speechless at our connection, he was looking at older couples and holding me saying that will be us in 30 years =). I felt his respect and high value of me and spoke of his ideas for long term connection, marriage, love of travel, animals and children. Love of the outdoors and caring for our mate with our heart and soul. Anyway, a week later I go back home heartbroken to be leaving him, but excited about us, making plans, starting the job of moving to maui. We discussed it taking me 6 months or so to move and I also knew I needed to come back to the island very soon to figure out whether I was truly ready to make such a large move (and we needed to get to know each other better!). I also wanted to stay with him again which he had assumed and encouraged. The guy who knew over the year and the guy who ended up in three months telling me he was throwing all of my clothes away, that he was dating someone else (didnt even tell me when he decided to give up on us) and would occaisonally hang up on me when I would question why he had turned our conversation into a lecture about judgement day and the bible. He told me to never contact him again and he definitely didn’t want to be friends. Treating me like low value, which has never happened to me before. I am sure the distance had something to do with it, but for all my best efforts thru loving openly compassionately, he turned into a dick. I kept trying to understand what was going on for him, his needs, why he refused to make plans with me to have me come back to the island, even as he was sexting it up with me (which is not how we were with each other when we were in person). Being treated like no value when I know my own worth has thrown me for a loop and now that I am back in the islands hurting trying to understand what happened and why this beautiful man wants nothing to do with me. Quite disturbing.
    Any thoughts?

    • Did you sleep with him in that week you were in Maui?

  • Tali

    Hi David I was practising, being feminine, assertive, vulnerable and really being conscientious and then the guy I was dating went to go visit his ex on the time he and I had our date. So was he responding to my energy even though I had been practising good/ feminine energy (etc)?
    Could it also just be that sometimes two people are not right for eachother?
    Or you believe I could turn any guy into my one if I acted stayed in this energy?

    Also sometimes us women also have a moment of anger or upset, it’s not easy to maintain being positive and happy all the time. Or is it about just about expressing yourself in a feminine manner even when you’re angry?

    • Hey tali. Your job isn’t meant to be positive and happy all the time. Not at all.

      In fact, nobody can ever be positive and happy all the time. (How boring would that be!)
      Your job is to allow your emotions flow, and not block them up. That would be a lot more empowering for you as a woman.
      And yes, sometimes two people are not right, sometimes the timing isn’t right. Again, you can’t control other people, you can only focus on what you will show up as.

  • katherine

    Hi David! I am from Russia and have been reading your and Renees input with big interest. I really appreciate what you have to offer and it’s all very relevant in the russian society. I was married to an amazing american man for 10 years who died accidently an 1,5 years ago and today am struggling in a dating world to meet another great man.
    Re your point that man always respond to woman’s energy: so true indeed.
    I got through a very hearbreaking situation this year when a man who i happened to fall in love and then lost balance in these relations went chasing my close friend. I was in so bad emotional place before it happened and felt so powerless as a woman contrary to how it all started (when he was chasing me, loving, giving …etc) that i could understand him!!! It was so much joy and fun to be around my friend – little, no so pretty, wearing non feminine clothes, not trying to impress anyone. However, she was so happy with herself that men of different ages would go out of their way to impress her and chase her. She was a walking prove of this statement.
    I discovered men respond to energy every single moment wether it’s dating or long term committed relationships that can very easily go downhill if you dont take proper care. And today i am struggling with this pattern: i have very interesting life alone, many loving people around, lots of travelling…and am very independent especially for russia. I attract very nice men but very quickly get deeply attach to them…and loose myself into the relations, it happens too soon before men make any seriois investment. They loose interest and disappear. I come back to my life…become independent again and they always come back not to commit..not happened yet…but to check and show interest again… if a man pulls back or dissappears i know – i am in neediness and dependency energy… and once i am happy again – they come back. It became almost sarcastic today. One day all three of them (i had crush on last year) called me the same day. And this pattern with me is there: i loose balance in the relations, even in early dating times. If you cover anywhere this subject, i would appreciate if you could send a link. Thank you for your valuable and helpful work!!

    • Thanks for sharing Katherine! I’m sure other women will also resonate with your experience.

  • Chris

    Do men need to be accountable to other men for integrity and discernment? I like a particular man and believe he has a good heart, but he works with some trashy people in the construction trade and I want him to be a little more discerning without trying to change him.

    • We all become like the people we hang around. And so this can be difficult when his peers are trashy… you can start by asking him about his thoughts on these people, as to subconsciously create a separation between him and these “trashy people”.

  • Kelly Beach

    Hello David! I just started reading the articles of you and your wife’s teachings that I found on the web. I have been reading so many for weeks now! But then it cost money for the knowledge meat. I have been divorced from a 16 year marriage since 1994, because my ex husband wouldnt stop chasing women and had multiple affairs with them. I stopped our sexual relationship because he was too brutal with me sexually and also kept passing STI’s to me from all these women, which eventually got bad enough and caused many pelvic complications and damage that I had to have a uterine ablation, the tip of my cervix removed due to stage one cancer. Yup, like you said only a jerk to me. To blame myself is absurd. I have always been a woman who knows and believes I am of high value and status. I’ve always believed that I am worth it. But there are men who only desire to take it away from you. They will completely strip you down to their value of you which is below zero. I am 60 years old and I have never had a man pursue me for the right reasons. As soon as they see that I admire men and their masculinity, they thwart it to mean that I am only existing for sexual affairs, booty calls etc. Every time a man has persued me it has been for sex. THIS IS NOT what I want, nor do I give any vibe of the sort. I have not dated for 21 years. I wound up homeless and lived in a horrifying shelter where I was assaulted several times from June 2014 to August 2015. I met a man there 17 years younger than I with 2 adorable baby boys. I could not help but get attached to these boys and their dad. The boys had been sexually assaulted and sexually over exposed at the age of 1 and 2. My attachment was as a grandmother. But the dad interpreted my attachment as something else.

    Straight up, I am a beautiful woman, still look youthful but with a bunch of scars inside and out. Like you two, I would love to see this kind of stuff that men and women also do to one another stopped before its my turn to enter into eternity. I have been raped so many times, but i have no memory of the assaults except my clothes being torn off and about to be penetrated, my spirit wouldnt let me know any more. I have been practically beat to death too many times.The short of it, I’m sick of men who know how to behave, communicate, convince that I am the one. Today’s times men are so good at that! I don’t believe that anyone really cares about my deep scars, that WILL never heal. I don’t believe that I can ever be “the one for a man, who will love me like I know I deserve, heal my wounds, adore me, and cherish the beauty inside my heart, soul, mind and spirit. This dad was able to manipulate me and sexually used me like I am disposable. All I want from him is the truth. Out of all the women he could be encountered with sexually, and many would be all over him, why did he select me? What did he think he saw in me that convinced him I want that? I know I saw something in his heart that no one else has seen. I texted him and told him that I dont want to ever be touched in any way by anyone ever again. I am a very determined woman, that is how I have survived. I mean what I say. I also asked him why he believed that it was OK to do this to me, that was 8 days ago. No answer, he isn’t going to tell me the truth. I admired this man, and recognized that he is also a man of worth. I can’t blame myself for this. I have no idea why or how this happened. I am told all the time that I carry myself respectably, that I am a woman with class and it is recognized that I take very good care of myself, and its also recognized that I do it because I know I am worth it. I am unemployed, with severe anxiety, kidney function is @ 35%, with degenerative joint disease and can no longer take antiinflammatories for it because of harm to kidney. I have hypertension and high cholesterol which always happens when my kidney function is low. I don’t look my age, look more like 40, and because I have lived alone for all the years, I have a very child like joy. I believe because of creating my own little world. I haven’t been seeking for a man, or for a love connection, or for acceptance. This latest incident has cut me so much more deeper than I could have ever expected. I am too broken to ever be able to trust anyone. I will sprint to get away from a man at his first glance at me. I understand how great it would be to understand what men think, what they want and don’t want etc. But there are men who will always take for granted a beauty inside and out. They are sexual predators. I wish that a man could find a heart to accept my scars, my night terrors, my frailty and my need for protection. I am not going to disguise my beauty and high value. Instead I’m just withdrawing from the game. Enjoy the occasional beautiful hearted men I see, and continue to admire from a great distance. I would so much love to know what it’s like to be weaved into a man”s soul, knowing his every thought and need. That would be the gift I have longed for my entire life. I would so much like to experience the love making dance. I don’t believe it should be called sex. Sex refers to gender. The word sex is what causes men to separate from love. And I believe that if that was taught in the beginning, the make love dance would be sacred between every man and woman connected by a bond that would never be broken. I wish that I could have a man and his arms around me all night long and wake up every morning knowing I am wanted and he knows he is wanted. I would love to know that deep threaded attachment that makes me sing all the time. I would love to have a man who always looks into my eyes and finds his heart is home, then always lets me look into his eyes and see my heart is home. I would love to know what real love is like and that special smile and his face lights up when he sees me. I would love to experience the flushing of my skin and the heartbeat that only happens when he is near. I believe that men should step up and express themselves in vulnerability and say what they are thinking. I wish women could be of value regardless of the perspective she gives. I wish women could be and have what they are created for without having to take the steps, attitude or mindset in order to be qualified. What would happen if it was realized that every woman is a gift, to be a man’s helpmate to serve him joy, peace and gratitude. What if every man treasured the knowledge that a woman is majestic and magical? Her every move, her every breath is evidence of the love that never stops growing. I don’t think we would witness people slowly killing themselves with addiction. No, I believe that never would anyone be treated like they are disposable. I know that I am contradicting some of your teachings. It is not my intention to dispute. I just don’t buy it that all you need to know is how a man is genetically biologically wired.

    Woman is a gift to be treasured, sacred and are to be treated like the beauty they are. The man must speak! No one can know his thoughts or the way he thinks without his verbalizing them. It is the man’s job to make sure his woman feels secure in him. He is to adorn her, he is to give her all that she deserves just for being a woman and his handmaiden. When this is the mechanics in a relationship of real love, a woman’s frozen embarrassed heart will burst wide open. She will never resist, she will wait patiently to receive and give back to the man that she cannot live without. She will be at ease and in peace without the millions of thoughts all over the place just try to manufacture so she is valued. I’m no expert, surely no experience, but it has been a vision and a dream that will not pass fantasy and go. I am living in a remodeled one bedroom beautiful little home with a perfect sized yard to on section 8 govt funds. I am going to turn my yard into my own little paradise that will have glow in the dark Pathways, and large butterfly’s made of net and glitter. I am going to be out there every morning singing as if my lover is there in peace knowing we are dearly loved. I will never have to be afraid of a man harming me, I will be protected by own little paradise. Some of us just get thrown to the wind and never return. our spirits fly free like the pure spirits of the butterfly’s.

  • Missez Joō Valcin

    I am SOOO proud to have Known this before Most women as I LOVE to do research on relationships AND gender differences so I can share my discoveries with my entourage. I just LOVE knowledge. Can’twait for your next video David!!! 😀

  • de

    Ilove your aricle. So being vulnerable is sharing my emotions sharing authentically?

    • Yes… sharing those emotions authentically without the need or expectation of anyone else to be there or approve of those emotions.

  • Amanda De Silva

    What if a male judges you even before he gets to know you?
    Once in a while I do not even get the chance to speak to a male (not even say ‘hi’) before he automatically writes me off.
    Thanks for anyone’s reply!

    • That will always happen… we will always be judged by a certain portion of the population. In fact, we can’t attract the right types of people to us, unless we repel the wrong types.
      So… What if a male judges you? What would you do?

      • Amanda De Silva

        What CAN I do if a male judges me?
        Most of the time, males who write me off before they get to know me would never want to change their judgements of me, no matter what. Of course there were some exceptions, but that’s just the minority of those people.

        Usually, I either let it be (‘ignore’ them), or try to change their perceptions by befriending them so that they get to know the ‘real’ me.

        Generally, in my experience, it is best that I let it be and focus my energy on others who probably deserve it, want it, and will appreciate it more.

        Is that the right approach in your opinion?

        (As a side note, its been a few months since I’ve followed Renee’s advice found all over this site. And yes I have become a much happier person, although I’ve been a little shocked because I’ve started repelling quite a lot of people, and also attracting different people into my life.)

        • Why don’t you test the approach out and see if it’s “right” for you? Only you can be the judge of what is right for you!
          (But you’re definitely on the right path)
          And it’s great progress to be repelling a lot of people! 🙂

  • Dyli Lopz

    The guy is an asshole if he takes advantage of a woman and degrades and disrespects her regardless if she shows up as confident or not. I’m only attracted to confident men who are KIND and treat ALL people with respect. I understand men, but I will NEVER ACCEPT or STAY around a man who treats me like crap because I’m having a bad day or going through something. My energy will NEVER be 100% happy and positive all the time. I feel as though your article is sending out subliminal messages such as, “Men will ONLY respect and value you as a woman, as long as you ALWAYS show up as a high value woman.”

    • Melissann

      I thought the same thing too. I call bullsh*t on this talk of “low value” “high value”… emmmm how about being generally civil and respectful to everyone as much as possible??? Would you treat a homeless person like crap upon seeing them just because they appear “low value”. I don’t understand why men find it so hard to be NICE. Being nice isn’t hard. It doesn’t take having feelings, or wanting sex, or the woman being confident or not. I know men are less virtuous/compassionate than women as a whole, but cmon!

  • How do you show up as a high value woman, and give him all your high energy in a long distance relationship?

  • Lolade Ajai

    Hi David!

    Just getting to read this article and it is so spot on!
    What really jumped out at me was this:

    ‘Don’t ever assume that by having sex with a man, he will love you more. And don’t assume that if he loved you, he would have sex with you. These are two very different pathways for a man.’

    It’s pretty profound because sex and men are perceived as a kindof siamese twin, isn’t it? So when a man loves you and prioritises being with you to connect with you over wanting sex, does it mean you have got a keeper?

    My boyfriend of 7 months now has never pushed me for sex. He’s very masculine and i ‘know’ he’s as sexual as any man can be. But he would rather spend time on the couch, cuddling and talking about anything and everything, or taking me out on dates, to sex. When i asked him about it because i started to worry that he may just not be attracted to me, he looks at me and says he finds me very attractive but he is with me for so much more than sex.

    Should i be worried we may have a problem, Shen? Or should i just sit back and bask in the glow of having an amazing man?

  • Barbara McDonald

    Hi David….I totally agree with the energy you put out. The problem I have is that I am a senior but look much younger. Have a very young energetic outlook and spirit. Three men asked me to be in a committed relationship. One asked me to marry. I know men very well. Giving from unconditional love is good but not too much or they don’t respect you. Its like your a doormat. So I am only attracted to men with high energy and good intentions. The rest bore me. You learn what it is to be a natural woman as you get older. Men are wonderful but I spent 40 yrs. married as a slave and want good conversation and love and compassion and most guys are afraid of that. I try to make them feel at ease but I can’t fix the damage done to older men. They have been hurt too by many women who only value money and prestige. That is not me. Born to Love….Barbara


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