There are 5 things every woman ought to know about men – 5 “fundamental truths”. Not knowing these and not appreciating the importance of these, will mean a great deal of pain and suffering.
So in this article, you will discover what these 5 things are, and what they mean to you…
Now I don’t have to tell you, that men and women are inherently different… I mean, that’s obvious.
But listen, for most of us, it’s hard to even imagine what it would be like in the body of the opposite sex. We just have no idea, it’s incredibly foreign to us.
We can perhaps intellectually talk about it, but it’s very hard for us to have that bodily experience.
Suffering through lack of understanding and appreciation.
And it’s through these incredible differences between the sexes that cause most of our suffering in dating & relationships.
Look, I’ve been guilty of this, a million times, so I’m not pointing the finger. My role is to perhaps give you some insights regarding men so that you can feel more successful with men and also hopefully you won’t get stuck in a place that you don’t want to be.
Because I can tell you this, as a man, my intuitive thoughts, feelings and actions are most likely completely different to yours as a woman.
That’s not me being sexist, that’s just how it is because of our different biochemistry. Your biochemistry could be very similar to mine and we would share a lot of commonalities, but if you’re like the 80 to 90 per cent of all women in the world, that’s probably not the case.
You see, our biology dictates a lot more of our thoughts, feelings and behaviour than we give them credit for.
Our different sexual hormones have been shaping our brains since before we were born.
So by understanding these 5 fundamental truths about men, you are literally giving yourself a sense of confidence that you other wise wouldn’t have.
Not to mention, the man that you choose to be with, will ultimately be grateful to you that you understand him.
Every single man wants to be silently understood…
Look, we all have different backgrounds and beliefs, and we all have a different idea of what an outstanding relationship is, but I can guarantee you this, every single man on earth would love to be with someone who gets him.
Someone who understands the the inherent struggles and challenges of a man. Someone who doesn’t go straight to judgement but rather stays patient and wants to understand.
Not to mention, you’ll become an infinitely more valuable woman to any man you’ll ever meet.
Here are the 5 “fundamental truths” every woman ought to know about men.
1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman
How a man treats you, is a direct reflection of the energy you’re putting out.
Now, just so you know, I’m not blaming you because someone was being a jerk to you.
Doesn’t matter which way you look at it, he was still a jerk.
But…
You have to be responsible for the energy you put out in to the world, because every single man will be picking up your energy and responding to it in their unique ways.
Sometimes I tell people, it’s not so much that he’s a jerk, he’s just a jerk to you.
Now, I know that doesn’t sound very nice, but listen…
Men will definitely show up as more of a jerk if you show up as a low value woman. They don’t always mean to be jerks, but they’re just acting out of their natural instinctive responses.
That doesn’t mean it’s your fault. But it’s always good to understand the effects of your energy upon other people.
At the same time, these “jerks” will show up completely differently if a high value woman was to walk by.
Just like yourself, I’m sure you can relate to this… sometimes you don’t mean to be a bitch, but in front of certain people, you just can’t help it. Right?
You’re simply responding to their energy.
Well, the energy you put out into the world matters, because men will always respond to your energy.
And this is especially true when you’re meeting and dating men.
Your energy will determine whether he would want to be with you long term, or if he only wants something more casual.
Which leads me to the next point.
2) It’s in every man’s nature to love commitment.
Look, it’s not that men are commitment phobic, even though they are.
Let me explain…
I can honestly and sincerely tell you that inside of every single man, is someone who would love to commit completely and deeply to one woman, even those who are extremely commitment phobic.
How can I say that?
Because all men have the neurology and biochemistry to commit. The act and the desire to commit is hardwired in men.
In fact, I would go as far as saying that, we are meant to be pair bonded and committed.
The problem is, most women don’t show up with the energy that inspires the man to commit deeper.
Think about it, how many times have we seen a man, who goes around dating different women never wanting to settle down, and one day… he meets the one and it’s all over? Right?
For a man who never want to be in a long term relationship, he just can’t help but want to be in one.
It’s happened in the movie, crazy stupid love, love and other drugs, and many other movies because this theme is rather common in life.
Because all men have the hardwiring to want to commit, but they just need the right energy in front of them.
That’s where you come in.
So you might be wondering, what is this energy I’m talking about that inspires a man to want to commit? Well you’ll find the answer in our online commitment masterclass. Don’t worry, it’s completely free for you to attend.
Click here to attend our Commitment Masterclass.
3) Men chase 2 types of woman, but only commits to one of these types.
Have you ever had the experience of having a man very interested in you initially, but at a certain point weeks or months into it, he suddenly goes cold? Like bam, he’s gone.
Here’s why…
Men automatically and subconsciously categorise women into two baskets. They do this, not because they’re manipulating bastards, but because both men and women inherently have two mating strategies.
For men, they’re either seeing you as his one and only, in which he will invest his energy and emotions in you, OR he will see you as one of many.
And there’s an astronomical difference between two categories.
You see, when a man sees you as one of many, he will still show a great deal of interest in you. He will pursue you, he will give you a great deal of attention. Fantastic.. Actually NO.
This is where a lot of women fall into a trap of actually thinking that this attention actually means something.
Unfortunately as one of many, all this man is interested in, is to get inside your panties. That’s why they usually disappear after having sex with you, or if they feel like they’re not going to get any sex any time soon.
This is an entirely sex driven pursuit and for the most part, it’s probably something you want to avoid, if you want a committed relationship.
However, if the man sees you as his one and only, he will still show interest in you, and pay you a great deal of attention, but there’s a lot more to it than that.
He will want to spend time with you, just for the sake of spending time with you. He will want to be emotionally invested in you, which for a man, that’s a big deal.
So how do you tell if he’s interested in you as his one and only? Or just one of many?
One thing you need to look for, are indicators of commitment. How much does he want to spend time with me just to spend time with me, without the end goal of having sex? That’s the question you have to ask.
Now you’re probably wondering, how do I get him to see me as his one and only? What do I have to do?
The answer here, is a concept I call high value vulnerability. We talk a lot more about this inside our program Commitment Control 2, if you want to check that out, I’m sure there’s a link somewhere.
But remember, men chase women for two reasons. But men only ever commit to a woman he perceives as his one and only type of woman.
If you want a committed relationship, that’s where you want to be.
4) Sex is a cheap commodity to a man.
If you are like most other women who are naturally feminine in your biology, then how you see sex is not how a man sees sex.
After all, you have the eggs, he’s got the sperm… which automatically creates problems…
An egg from a fertile woman fetches up to 30,000 dollars on the open market. One single egg that is. For men, a bucket load of sperm is still pretty much worthless.
So this difference in biology means that men see sex somewhat differently to women.
One of the biggest and most important insight you need to understand is that for a man, love and sex are two different and separate processes.
If you were to examine a feminine woman’s brain through an MRI scan, you’d see that the parts of her brain that lights up for sex is quite similar to the parts of her brain that lights up for love.
There’s a big over lap.
Where as for most masculine men, the overlap is very small. In other words, the part of his brain that lights up when thinking about sex is very different to the parts of his brain thinking about love.
What does that mean for you? It means that men by default, separate love and sex.
Don’t ever assume that by having sex with a man, he will love you more. And don’t assume that if he loved you, he would have sex with you. These are two very different pathways for a man.
Think about the implications of this…
So we live in a world where sex is rather everywhere and very easily accessible. Any man with his paycheque in his pocket can have access to sex almost guaranteed. Any man with an internet connection can access the plethora of free porn that is floating above us in the clouds.
So to men, sex has become rather a commodity, it has become cheap. The value of sex for the sake of sex, is rock bottom. Men may chase after sex, but they don’t value it. It doesn’t really mean anything to them.
So what does that mean to you as a woman?
Well, firstly, your value to a man is not that you can give him sex. But what is value then to a man?
Which brings me to the last point.
5) Your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him. Your ultimate value and ultimate gift to a man is your energy.
Look, men’s lives are actually quite boring. The masculine energy is a dead energy. It’s not alive like the feminine.
You as a woman, can light up a man’s life infinitely more so than any of his projects, deadlines, world championships or ambitions to dominate the world. That is your gift.
That’s what men would trade everything in the world for.
It’s that spark of life, that they can never obtain from their masculine lives.
Because anything that lives in that masculine domain is emotionally dead. A man may thrive in that environment and really feed off that sense of mission and achievement but nothing will compare it to that fire that a woman can plant in his heart.
Your job is to plant that fire with your energy.
And once you do, nothing else will matter.
So just to recap. The 5 things you need to understand about men are…
1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman.
2) It’s in every man’s nature to love commitment.
3) Men chase 2 types of woman, but only commits to one of these types.
4) Sex is a cheap commodity to a man.
5) Your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him. Your ultimate value and ultimate gift to a man is your energy.
Think about the implications of these 5 truths about men.
Think about how these affect your preconceived ideas about men, love and relationships.
Now we have a whole 2 week home study coaching course on understanding men. The program is literally called Understanding Men because we go deep into the psychology of men, so that you can understand and easily predict what your man is thinking and feeling.
This is usually the first program I recommend women take, because knowledge is power and knowledge in men is of course, power with men. And through the special exercises we’ve put together in this program, you too will have the understanding of men that most women never get.
As one of our existing members once mentioned, this is the training program that every woman needs to go through, she wished she had gone through the course 22 years earlier herself.
So now, I want you to do some reflection and leave a comment below to share with us…
What key ideas really resonated with you from this video?
How will these ideas affect your life and your interactions with men?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Until next time, make sure you look after yourself, give yourself the resources you need so that you can show up as the high value high status woman you were meant to be.
Talk soon.
D. Shen
Commitment Triggers
P.S. Now whilst I’ve got you here, let me ask you…
Do you know exactly what you need to do in order for a man to want to commit to you? Do you know exactly what has to happen for him to see you as his one and only?
The answers to these questions will be revealed in future episodes of Commitment Triggers, so make sure you subscribe and stay tuned in.
Leave a Reply
92 Comments on "The 5 Things Every Woman Ought to Know About Men"
Amazing article, I enjoyed it. Love you. XxX
I love this comment. I hope to be this enthralled with my husband after more than 8 years being together.
Men’s energy is not dead energy. It’s sperm that carries the spark of life. The primal urge to fertilize as many eggs as possible does not preclude a man’s urge to be committed to a single woman that appreciates him and makes him feel needed, and loved.
Who was it that mentioned men’s energy is dead energy?
It’s in your piece, right after your fifth point.
Do you mean when I said… “The masculine energy is a dead energy. It’s not alive like the feminine.”?
Great article! Has really helped me to understand men and myself more. If men don’t place any value on sex, then why would they use sex as their main way of expressing their love to their partner? Does it mean if a man’s love and sex area of his brain has very small overlap, does he always separate love and sex even when he’s in love?
If I may, sex is not the way I express my deepest love. I express it by caring, providing, and being concerned about my partner’s well being.
Hey Julie. Good questions. Where did you get the idea of men’s main way of expressing their love through sex? And what kind of love do you mean?
Sex is a man’s default thing to go to. It usually doesn’t take much to convince a man to have sex.
However when a man’s in love, there is more overlap between sex and love. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a lot of separation, but love becomes the predominate place he operates from.
Does that make any sense?
Ahh! Thanks for letting me know. Men do express love in the form of sex when he loves you in the first place. So it’s contextual.
It’s not the same case when you go pick up some random guy for a one night stand… So if a man has some level of commitment to you and loves you, then YES, sex is an expression of love.
Hope that made sense.
Yes David, perfect sense. Thanks to you and your wife, I have finally found out why I have had the same repeated outcomes with relationships. I know it is never only one persons fault for a breakup and I’ve always wondered where did I go wrong and now I understand the part I’ve played in the dynamics of my relationships. This has really been a lightbulb moment for me, thanks.
That’s amazing to hear Zully! 🙂 I’m very happy for you.
It’s so incredible how someone could be a jerk in the past and suddenly change all his ways because there’s a new energy in his life.
Feel free to share any specific insights you’ve learnt along the way!
could he change his views of the same woman, if she learns from all this? or is she tag dead for the rest of her days from this man?
Are there 2nd chances with the same man who already tagged the woman as 1 of many?
Yes, there are of course 2nd chances. It doesn’t come easy though…!
how would you be able to inspire him to give you a second chance after you’ve made so many mistakes?
What have you been practicing and where? I would love to know!
Thanks for sharing Anna. It’s amazing how men change their attitude towards you when you show up differently… ie high value high status.
Thank you for sharing. I will remember one and only or one of many. To be someone’s light their energy is phenomenal.
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I LOVE understanding men more and more, as it actually makes me just ADORE them! I love that many of the beliefs I had growing up as well as the beliefs that many people around me hold are UNTRUE! It’s a freeing, empowering and delicious treat to have free access to such valuable information. Thank you so much again, you and your wife Renee are both very inspiring individuals and role models and I think of you often.
You’re very welcome Julie.
There’s nothing quite like the feeling of a new profound insight that shakes up an old belief that no longer serves.
Thanks for sharing Jasmine! You’re absolutely right, knowledge and understanding gives you power and offers you the opportunity to become higher value.
Thanks for the reply. Well for the woman, how it was put, is totally different from the man. Our areas are affection, commitment, communication, honesty, and security. If a man does not provide in these five areas for a woman, then women become manipulators and seducers. Bottom line, it is in the power of knowing, for the lack of knowledge people are destroyed. I am not an expertise on any of this, that is D. Shen’s role, just enjoying the insight!
A women’s need in relationship is security, with security, women can feel like flying, without security, they become their own worst enemy. Therefore, to be able to find the right man who treat her well will make her a better woman. But not putting the cart before the horse.
Thanks for responding and I like your insight 🙂
It sounds just about right and I’ll be sure to note it down on paper for guiance.
♡
Thanks for sharing your story Rita!
So great to hear that you’ve learnt so much from this man. When we make that shift to finding a better meaning from the hardest moments in our lives, then suddenly things become clearer.
The one who…
Sometimes when a woman learns that men are not safe, then she will perhaps choose the safest types of men… but then wonder why he’s so boring…?!
And yes, our experiences shape the choices we make which shapes our lives every single day.
The tea really brings the magic to the whole thing… can’t live without it! 🙂
Lol :D, so it was tea you were drinking then and not a cup of coffee. Well I’m just drinking coffee now as it goes ♡
I was actually trying to read what was on the cup but couldn’t make it out 🙂
Well jobs a gooden all the same and yes, the cup of tea really does bring the magic to the video; it really gives it the feeling of being at home.
Good Job!
Hi David. It’s me Yunita. Well, what’s the meaning of high quality woman? How men differ/realise between high and low quality woman?
Great questions Yunita! I will explore those questions in some upcoming videos! 🙂
We become attracted to people mainly because of their energy and if they fit in our “archetype”… ie he’s just my “type”.
Problem is, these factors are independent of a man’s values, beliefs and habits.
I definitely get what you’re saying about a win/lose situation in dating. But those situations are not based on 2 people falling in love, but rather a secret power struggle between two people.
Anytime it’s a power struggle, there will always be one winner and one loser. When people fall in love, it’s win/win.
Believe it or not Wendy, collectively speaking men don’t focus on themselves any more than women focus on themselves. And especially in dating, women are not any more vulnerable than men.
Of course it’s not easy to understand this unless you speak to a lot of men and walk a mile in their shoes.
If you think this article was about what women can do for men, then I don’t think you read it right.
i just cant understand men , i was dating to a guy that i meet in online and chat in a couple days ,then when we meet in person seems to be nice he often said he like being with me and he was happy and said he will comeback here in the Philippines again we had lot of fun when he was here ,I thought his ready for commitment but i was shock i still see him active in dating site i just dont get it!
Like I mentioned in this article, men chase after 2 types of women. It’s very important to know which type you fall into.
I think the key thing was point 5. That your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him but your energy.
It explains so much about what I have seen. Men leave women who bring so much to them materially, who cook and clean and take care of them and end up with someone else who they seem to click with, someone who doesn’t do any of those things but still seems to makes them happy.
Its all about the energies matching, i guess.
Totally right Anita. Thanks for sharing.
Nice article for women…
That’s a man for you Katia… all or nothing. Sometimes that’s what a man needs to do to be worthy of being alive.
So maybe it’s better to not see it as this needs “fixing”, as there’s nothing wrong with it. Rather… think of what he needs at this moment in his life… and what you need to do for yourself?
I understand Katia. Sometimes when the timing is wrong, nothing else matters. That’s what so special about love, because it doesn’t always work out. Sometimes all you can do is appreciate it for what it is.
In terms of suggestions, have you seen my attraction pebbles series? It’s all about re-establishing that connection in a non-needy and high value way.
I would question about the 1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman.
How about the possibility that we as women, picking up man’s energy?
Of course, no doubt that as women, you’re picking up a man’s energy!
Thanks, David. I tend to respond to others energy or vibe whether men or women. If I pick up energy negatively or not 100% positively on the first date, does it mean it is not going well?
well, just know inside that something may be incongruent or something isn’t what it seems. Trust your intuition.
Hi David,
This is such a helpful article.
Thank you.
the women who are reading this shit are the women who aren’t going to find high value men anymore. maybe 10 or even 30 years ago it was still possible. nowadays, if you’re over 30, you’re really going to have a hard time finding someone you don’t feel like you’re settling for, though the truth is even that man is the one actually doing the settling.
usually when low quality women wake up from their ways it’s too little too late, just look at all the shit out there on the internet of women complaining.
When you’re able to find a way to add more value to him, then he will gladly look to deal with all your problems! 🙂
Hi David, It is amazingly creative and inspiring what you and your wife Renee have been doing for the readers. Plus, bold and straightforward approach that people normally feel afraid to start up first.
I’ve read through most of your articles and others comments as well, everything seems connected together and compliment to your works eventually! I’m certain I’m going to be here’s a big fan!
Keep your works and always back up your website getting being famed!!
Thanks a lot!
Shin
[…] (My husband wrote an absolutely incredible article on the 5 things every woman ought to know about men. Check it out here.) […]
I am having problems with this statement: ‘At the same time, these “jerks” will show up completely differently if a high value woman was to walk by.’ I have high value for some men, but there have been other men who have been complete jerks to me and respectful towards others. Isn’t it more the truth that men define “high value” based on the qualities they cherish in a woman and that this is different for every man?
Did you sleep with him in that week you were in Maui?
Hey tali. Your job isn’t meant to be positive and happy all the time. Not at all.
In fact, nobody can ever be positive and happy all the time. (How boring would that be!)
Your job is to allow your emotions flow, and not block them up. That would be a lot more empowering for you as a woman.
And yes, sometimes two people are not right, sometimes the timing isn’t right. Again, you can’t control other people, you can only focus on what you will show up as.
Thanks for sharing Katherine! I’m sure other women will also resonate with your experience.
Do men need to be accountable to other men for integrity and discernment? I like a particular man and believe he has a good heart, but he works with some trashy people in the construction trade and I want him to be a little more discerning without trying to change him.
We all become like the people we hang around. And so this can be difficult when his peers are trashy… you can start by asking him about his thoughts on these people, as to subconsciously create a separation between him and these “trashy people”.
I am SOOO proud to have Known this before Most women as I LOVE to do research on relationships AND gender differences so I can share my discoveries with my entourage. I just LOVE knowledge. Can’twait for your next video David!!! 😀
Ilove your aricle. So being vulnerable is sharing my emotions sharing authentically?
Yes… sharing those emotions authentically without the need or expectation of anyone else to be there or approve of those emotions.
What if a male judges you even before he gets to know you?
Once in a while I do not even get the chance to speak to a male (not even say ‘hi’) before he automatically writes me off.
Thanks for anyone’s reply!
That will always happen… we will always be judged by a certain portion of the population. In fact, we can’t attract the right types of people to us, unless we repel the wrong types.
So… What if a male judges you? What would you do?
Why don’t you test the approach out and see if it’s “right” for you? Only you can be the judge of what is right for you!
(But you’re definitely on the right path)
And it’s great progress to be repelling a lot of people! 🙂
I thought the same thing too. I call bullsh*t on this talk of “low value” “high value”… emmmm how about being generally civil and respectful to everyone as much as possible??? Would you treat a homeless person like crap upon seeing them just because they appear “low value”. I don’t understand why men find it so hard to be NICE. Being nice isn’t hard. It doesn’t take having feelings, or wanting sex, or the woman being confident or not. I know men are less virtuous/compassionate than women as a whole, but cmon!
How do you show up as a high value woman, and give him all your high energy in a long distance relationship?
What I don’t understand is what is feminine energy ? And how can we be exclusive if every female has this feminine energy to offer ?
I appreciate you for just coming right out and explaining. So many of your peers have led us on wild goose chases resulting in wasted time. Thank you for your insight, clarity and getting right to the point. It is clear to me now what I can do to get the results I want. Thanks Again