There are 5 things every woman ought to know about men – 5 “fundamental truths”. Not knowing these and not appreciating the importance of these, will mean a great deal of pain and suffering.

So in this article, you will discover what these 5 things are, and what they mean to you…

Now I don’t have to tell you, that men and women are inherently different… I mean, that’s obvious.

But listen, for most of us, it’s hard to even imagine what it would be like in the body of the opposite sex. We just have no idea, it’s incredibly foreign to us.

We can perhaps intellectually talk about it, but it’s very hard for us to have that bodily experience.

Suffering through lack of understanding and appreciation.

And it’s through these incredible differences between the sexes that cause most of our suffering in dating & relationships.

Look, I’ve been guilty of this, a million times, so I’m not pointing the finger. My role is to perhaps give you some insights regarding men so that you can feel more successful with men and also hopefully you won’t get stuck in a place that you don’t want to be.

Because I can tell you this, as a man, my intuitive thoughts, feelings and actions are most likely completely different to yours as a woman.

That’s not me being sexist, that’s just how it is because of our different biochemistry. Your biochemistry could be very similar to mine and we would share a lot of commonalities, but if you’re like the 80 to 90 per cent of all women in the world, that’s probably not the case.

You see, our biology dictates a lot more of our thoughts, feelings and behaviour than we give them credit for.

Our different sexual hormones have been shaping our brains since before we were born.

So by understanding these 5 fundamental truths about men, you are literally giving yourself a sense of confidence that you other wise wouldn’t have.

Not to mention, the man that you choose to be with, will ultimately be grateful to you that you understand him.

Every single man wants to be silently understood…

Look, we all have different backgrounds and beliefs, and we all have a different idea of what an outstanding relationship is, but I can guarantee you this, every single man on earth would love to be with someone who gets him.

Someone who understands the the inherent struggles and challenges of a man. Someone who doesn’t go straight to judgement but rather stays patient and wants to understand.

Not to mention, you’ll become an infinitely more valuable woman to any man you’ll ever meet.

Here are the 5 “fundamental truths” every woman ought to know about men.

1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman

How a man treats you, is a direct reflection of the energy you’re putting out.

Now, just so you know, I’m not blaming you because someone was being a jerk to you.

Doesn’t matter which way you look at it, he was still a jerk.


You have to be responsible for the energy you put out in to the world, because every single man will be picking up your energy and responding to it in their unique ways.

Sometimes I tell people, it’s not so much that he’s a jerk, he’s just a jerk to you.

Now, I know that doesn’t sound very nice, but listen…

Men will definitely show up as more of a jerk if you show up as a low value woman. They don’t always mean to be jerks, but they’re just acting out of their natural instinctive responses.

That doesn’t mean it’s your fault. But it’s always good to understand the effects of your energy upon other people.

At the same time, these “jerks” will show up completely differently if a high value woman was to walk by.

Just like yourself, I’m sure you can relate to this… sometimes you don’t mean to be a bitch, but in front of certain people, you just can’t help it. Right?

You’re simply responding to their energy.

Well, the energy you put out into the world matters, because men will always respond to your energy.

And this is especially true when you’re meeting and dating men.

Your energy will determine whether he would want to be with you long term, or if he only wants something more casual.

Which leads me to the next point.

2) It’s in every man’s nature to love commitment.

Look, it’s not that men are commitment phobic, even though they are.

Let me explain…

I can honestly and sincerely tell you that inside of every single man, is someone who would love to commit completely and deeply to one woman, even those who are extremely commitment phobic.

How can I say that?

Because all men have the neurology and biochemistry to commit. The act and the desire to commit is hardwired in men.

In fact, I would go as far as saying that, we are meant to be pair bonded and committed.

The problem is, most women don’t show up with the energy that inspires the man to commit deeper.

Think about it, how many times have we seen a man, who goes around dating different women never wanting to settle down, and one day… he meets the one and it’s all over? Right?

For a man who never want to be in a long term relationship, he just can’t help but want to be in one.

It’s happened in the movie, crazy stupid love, love and other drugs, and many other movies because this theme is rather common in life.

Because all men have the hardwiring to want to commit, but they just need the right energy in front of them.

That’s where you come in.

So you might be wondering, what is this energy I’m talking about that inspires a man to want to commit? Well you’ll find the answer in our online commitment masterclass. Don’t worry, it’s completely free for you to attend.

Click here to attend our Commitment Masterclass.

3) Men chase 2 types of woman, but only commits to one of these types.

Have you ever had the experience of having a man very interested in you initially, but at a certain point weeks or months into it, he suddenly goes cold? Like bam, he’s gone.

Here’s why…

Men automatically and subconsciously categorise women into two baskets. They do this, not because they’re manipulating bastards, but because both men and women inherently have two mating strategies.

For men, they’re either seeing you as his one and only, in which he will invest his energy and emotions in you, OR he will see you as one of many.

And there’s an astronomical difference between two categories.

You see, when a man sees you as one of many, he will still show a great deal of interest in you. He will pursue you, he will give you a great deal of attention. Fantastic.. Actually NO.

This is where a lot of women fall into a trap of actually thinking that this attention actually means something.

Unfortunately as one of many, all this man is interested in, is to get inside your panties. That’s why they usually disappear after having sex with you, or if they feel like they’re not going to get any sex any time soon.

This is an entirely sex driven pursuit and for the most part, it’s probably something you want to avoid, if you want a committed relationship.

However, if the man sees you as his one and only, he will still show interest in you, and pay you a great deal of attention, but there’s a lot more to it than that.

He will want to spend time with you, just for the sake of spending time with you. He will want to be emotionally invested in you, which for a man, that’s a big deal.

So how do you tell if he’s interested in you as his one and only? Or just one of many?

One thing you need to look for, are indicators of commitment. How much does he want to spend time with me just to spend time with me, without the end goal of having sex? That’s the question you have to ask.

Now you’re probably wondering, how do I get him to see me as his one and only? What do I have to do?

The answer here, is a concept I call high value vulnerability. We talk a lot more about this inside our program Commitment Control 2, if you want to check that out, I’m sure there’s a link somewhere.

But remember, men chase women for two reasons. But men only ever commit to a woman he perceives as his one and only type of woman.

If you want a committed relationship, that’s where you want to be.

4) Sex is a cheap commodity to a man.

If you are like most other women who are naturally feminine in your biology, then how you see sex is not how a man sees sex.

After all, you have the eggs, he’s got the sperm… which automatically creates problems…

An egg from a fertile woman fetches up to 30,000 dollars on the open market. One single egg that is. For men, a bucket load of sperm is still pretty much worthless.

So this difference in biology means that men see sex somewhat differently to women.

One of the biggest and most important insight you need to understand is that for a man, love and sex are two different and separate processes.

If you were to examine a feminine woman’s brain through an MRI scan, you’d see that the parts of her brain that lights up for sex is quite similar to the parts of her brain that lights up for love.

There’s a big over lap.

Where as for most masculine men, the overlap is very small. In other words, the part of his brain that lights up when thinking about sex is very different to the parts of his brain thinking about love.

What does that mean for you? It means that men by default, separate love and sex.

Don’t ever assume that by having sex with a man, he will love you more. And don’t assume that if he loved you, he would have sex with you. These are two very different pathways for a man.

Think about the implications of this…

So we live in a world where sex is rather everywhere and very easily accessible. Any man with his paycheque in his pocket can have access to sex almost guaranteed. Any man with an internet connection can access the plethora of free porn that is floating above us in the clouds.

So to men, sex has become rather a commodity, it has become cheap. The value of sex for the sake of sex, is rock bottom. Men may chase after sex, but they don’t value it. It doesn’t really mean anything to them.

So what does that mean to you as a woman?

Well, firstly, your value to a man is not that you can give him sex. But what is value then to a man?

Which brings me to the last point.

5) Your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him. Your ultimate value and ultimate gift to a man is your energy.

Look, men’s lives are actually quite boring. The masculine energy is a dead energy. It’s not alive like the feminine.

You as a woman, can light up a man’s life infinitely more so than any of his projects, deadlines, world championships or ambitions to dominate the world. That is your gift.

That’s what men would trade everything in the world for.

It’s that spark of life, that they can never obtain from their masculine lives.

Because anything that lives in that masculine domain is emotionally dead. A man may thrive in that environment and really feed off that sense of mission and achievement but nothing will compare it to that fire that a woman can plant in his heart.

Your job is to plant that fire with your energy.

And once you do, nothing else will matter.

So just to recap. The 5 things you need to understand about men are…

1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman.

2) It’s in every man’s nature to love commitment.

3) Men chase 2 types of woman, but only commits to one of these types.

4) Sex is a cheap commodity to a man.

5) Your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him. Your ultimate value and ultimate gift to a man is your energy.

Think about the implications of these 5 truths about men.

Think about how these affect your preconceived ideas about men, love and relationships.

Now we have a whole 2 week home study coaching course on understanding men. The program is literally called Understanding Men because we go deep into the psychology of men, so that you can understand and easily predict what your man is thinking and feeling.

This is usually the first program I recommend women take, because knowledge is power and knowledge in men is of course, power with men. And through the special exercises we’ve put together in this program, you too will have the understanding of men that most women never get.

As one of our existing members once mentioned, this is the training program that every woman needs to go through, she wished she had gone through the course 22 years earlier herself.

So now, I want you to do some reflection and leave a comment below to share with us…

What key ideas really resonated with you from this video?

How will these ideas affect your life and your interactions with men?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time, make sure you look after yourself, give yourself the resources you need so that you can show up as the high value high status woman you were meant to be.

Talk soon.

NEWPolaroid David

D. Shen

Commitment Triggers

P.S. Now whilst I’ve got you here, let me ask you…

Do you know exactly what you need to do in order for a man to want to commit to you? Do you know exactly what has to happen for him to see you as his one and only?

The answers to these questions will be revealed in future episodes of Commitment Triggers, so make sure you subscribe and stay tuned in.

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92 Comments on "The 5 Things Every Woman Ought to Know About Men"

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Renee Wade

Amazing article, I enjoyed it. Love you. XxX

Anna C

I love this comment. I hope to be this enthralled with my husband after more than 8 years being together.


Men’s energy is not dead energy. It’s sperm that carries the spark of life. The primal urge to fertilize as many eggs as possible does not preclude a man’s urge to be committed to a single woman that appreciates him and makes him feel needed, and loved.

Zully Diaz
I love this triggers !!!! I have been reading Renee before and this is really working for me … I was all the time a low value woman and I met a wonderful person a week ago and I’m practicing everything that I learned from you guys and he is completely committed to me !!! He can’t stop himself of seeing me for just having me in his side !!! He was a jerk before he said and now he is the most lovely person on earth that I have ever met … It’s a wonderful feeling that I’m his… Read more »

What have you been practicing and where? I would love to know!

Anna C
Hello David! Great article as always… What you said about men not being jerks sometimes, but jerks to you really is profound, because that line contains a lot of information. Most women out there are ordinary, in that, they look for what they will get out of a relationship instead of what they will put in. They see the man as a trophy or source of money rather than a human being with unique needs and feelings. Because of that, the attitude is inherently selfish – What can you do for me? – or desperate – Love me please, I… Read more »
Cassandra johnson

Thank you for sharing. I will remember one and only or one of many. To be someone’s light their energy is phenomenal.

Julie Gregory
I honestly don’t think that’s true anna. I think why men are a jerk to some of us but not others is as easy to understand ad when we women are talking to guy we meet online. We’re our most respectful self to him and we’re charming and funny and tuned into him. We talk to him on the phone in our best voice because we’re imaging him to be a certain way. If we meet him and he’s not all that or not what we want the curtain drops and we no longer talk to him w the same… Read more »

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I LOVE understanding men more and more, as it actually makes me just ADORE them! I love that many of the beliefs I had growing up as well as the beliefs that many people around me hold are UNTRUE! It’s a freeing, empowering and delicious treat to have free access to such valuable information. Thank you so much again, you and your wife Renee are both very inspiring individuals and role models and I think of you often.

I must say this article was an eye opener as I found myself thinking back to my last “relationship”. I believe that the “power of knowing” or as you put “knowledge is power” is High value in itself. I attended church yesterday and the topic was “The Power of Knowing”, your article fits perfectly. Knowing yourself, a man or a woman, and God, very powerful sermon. For the women, this is what we are to know about the man we choose: 1. A man’s greatest enemy is his EGO, respect (from a woman) calms the EGO 2. A man’s greatest… Read more »
The one who...
This is interesting 🙂 Glad I came by to read the comments. I wonder what the women version would be then… 1. A woman’s greatest enemy is people pleasing. Maybe when she’s trying to seek everybody elses love and approval that she sacrifises her own needs and happiness and still loses out all the same (from a man) integrity so she can be guided to become more authentic. 2. A womans greatest fear, being percieved as ugly/unattractive (from a man) it depends on the womans mood as sometimes she will apprecite being told she’s beautiful, but other times she’ll think… Read more »

Thanks for the reply. Well for the woman, how it was put, is totally different from the man. Our areas are affection, commitment, communication, honesty, and security. If a man does not provide in these five areas for a woman, then women become manipulators and seducers. Bottom line, it is in the power of knowing, for the lack of knowledge people are destroyed. I am not an expertise on any of this, that is D. Shen’s role, just enjoying the insight!


A women’s need in relationship is security, with security, women can feel like flying, without security, they become their own worst enemy. Therefore, to be able to find the right man who treat her well will make her a better woman. But not putting the cart before the horse.

The one who...

Thanks for responding and I like your insight 🙂

It sounds just about right and I’ll be sure to note it down on paper for guiance.

Hi! Thank you for another great article. I’ve been reading yours and your wife’s articles for a while now. I had a very sad breakup a few years ago and since then I’ve been feeling so confused and messed up, trying to understand why I felt and acted the way I did. After that breakup I fell in love with a very manly and sweet man, that still means a lot to me but that I fear I’ve lost. I now realize how much I’ve learned from him, from the man he is. He came at the best and yet… Read more »
The one who...

The one who…

The one who...
Just watched the video 🙂 Oh, it was oh so valuable. And I know my life will never be the same again with men. This information really sticks, and especially on the parts about how men treat women if it’s just sex they want. Well, I am and always have been really intuitive and empathic, so I can tell how a man is being towards me! I guess that I just need tolearn the art of strengthening my bounderies some more and believe that I deserve to feel loved also – all in good time. Again, loving the whole video… Read more »

Hi David. It’s me Yunita. Well, what’s the meaning of high quality woman? How men differ/realise between high and low quality woman?

I’ve just read your article, and in many ways I think it ‘clarifies’ what many women know but have a hard time accepting (i.e., sex for a woman often triggers emotion that doesn’t tie in with ‘reality’, and men can enjoy it freely with zero emotion). But unfortunately, this whole aspect can at times have both men and women feeling there’s a win/lose aspect to dating. Also, your article really resonates on how men, friends and lovers, respond to a woman’s energy all the time. But I have to ask myself lately … why is it that women are even… Read more »
Energy, huh? Fascinating… I shall share my online profile and let me know if there is anything I have not touched with everything you profess I don’t know yet… LOL… Giggles… Chuckles!!! Mind you, I am just merely portraying to my audience who I am and what I want in life. My challenge to many males is the following: ~~~ How about you? Do you truly know who you are and what you want in life? ~~~ “Hello Gentlemen. I am an alluring and confident young widow who is fairly comfortable in my own skin. Living a drama free life… Read more »
There are so many articles teaching women how to chase men, attarct men, get men. The things make women so vunerable is that women focus so much on men while men focus so much more on themselves, what they want and what they get. Just this article prove the case as the whole article is a man talking about what women can do for them. For us women to truly find what we want, which is love and security in a relationship. The first step is to stop trying to find that through a man. Imaging you’re in a relationship,… Read more »
I think that there’s a difference between having an insecure part, which everyone has to a certain degree (except you’re a narcissist) and being convinced that you are not supposed to have any imperfections at all. My theory is that it’s just as unhealthy as being a narcissist: Either you’re convinced you’re perfect & don’t have to grow (& everyone owes you everything) OR you’re convinced that the only way to get anyone owe you anything is by being perfect, yet it’s smth that can never be achieved. Neither of those sound human and love is HUMAN. By saying you’re… Read more »

i just cant understand men , i was dating to a guy that i meet in online and chat in a couple days ,then when we meet in person seems to be nice he often said he like being with me and he was happy and said he will comeback here in the Philippines again we had lot of fun when he was here ,I thought his ready for commitment but i was shock i still see him active in dating site i just dont get it!


I think the key thing was point 5. That your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him but your energy.
It explains so much about what I have seen. Men leave women who bring so much to them materially, who cook and clean and take care of them and end up with someone else who they seem to click with, someone who doesn’t do any of those things but still seems to makes them happy.
Its all about the energies matching, i guess.


Nice article for women…

Katia (Italy)
How to let him be involved into my incredible energy if he’s completely wired to his job goals at the moment..? He always says he is being with me as soon as his “black period” ends… he has good reasons for that and his job is no joke. I don’t want to be perceived as impatient but I am afraid this will ruin things if he does not do something for us. It seems like an “all or nothing” matter and no single part of his energy can be used for anything else… and we are just at the beginning… Read more »

I would question about the 1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman.
How about the possibility that we as women, picking up man’s energy?


Hi David,
This is such a helpful article.
Thank you.


the women who are reading this shit are the women who aren’t going to find high value men anymore. maybe 10 or even 30 years ago it was still possible. nowadays, if you’re over 30, you’re really going to have a hard time finding someone you don’t feel like you’re settling for, though the truth is even that man is the one actually doing the settling.

usually when low quality women wake up from their ways it’s too little too late, just look at all the shit out there on the internet of women complaining.

Amy M
Hello David, I really enjoyed the article. I dated a few men that would just have sex and then I would only see him when he wanted that again. I just started dating a guy who is not divorced yet but is trying to finalize it and I get the warm fuzzy feeling around him and the first time we had sex he spent the night and wants to just hold me. He tells me that its not fair for me to have to deal with the drama of divorce which I have been thru myself. I want to learn… Read more »

Hi David, It is amazingly creative and inspiring what you and your wife Renee have been doing for the readers. Plus, bold and straightforward approach that people normally feel afraid to start up first.
I’ve read through most of your articles and others comments as well, everything seems connected together and compliment to your works eventually! I’m certain I’m going to be here’s a big fan!
Keep your works and always back up your website getting being famed!!

Thanks a lot!



[…] (My husband wrote an absolutely incredible article on the 5 things every woman ought to know about men. Check it out here.) […]


I am having problems with this statement: ‘At the same time, these “jerks” will show up completely differently if a high value woman was to walk by.’ I have high value for some men, but there have been other men who have been complete jerks to me and respectful towards others. Isn’t it more the truth that men define “high value” based on the qualities they cherish in a woman and that this is different for every man?

At the beginning of this year I did a vision board and had the strongest feeling of wanting to be “in love” again. Within two weeks, when i came to Hawai’i, I fell in love with a guy who I had been loosely texting for over a year. (5 texts in 12 months; 2 phone calls. He had been forthcoming in offering ideas where I could hike, swim and go camping. I did not sense any attraction from him, nor was I assuming or even thinking of anything happening between us.) I believe he did fall in love with my… Read more »
Hi David I was practising, being feminine, assertive, vulnerable and really being conscientious and then the guy I was dating went to go visit his ex on the time he and I had our date. So was he responding to my energy even though I had been practising good/ feminine energy (etc)? Could it also just be that sometimes two people are not right for eachother? Or you believe I could turn any guy into my one if I acted stayed in this energy? Also sometimes us women also have a moment of anger or upset, it’s not easy to… Read more »
Hi David! I am from Russia and have been reading your and Renees input with big interest. I really appreciate what you have to offer and it’s all very relevant in the russian society. I was married to an amazing american man for 10 years who died accidently an 1,5 years ago and today am struggling in a dating world to meet another great man. Re your point that man always respond to woman’s energy: so true indeed. I got through a very hearbreaking situation this year when a man who i happened to fall in love and then lost… Read more »

Do men need to be accountable to other men for integrity and discernment? I like a particular man and believe he has a good heart, but he works with some trashy people in the construction trade and I want him to be a little more discerning without trying to change him.

Kelly Beach
Hello David! I just started reading the articles of you and your wife’s teachings that I found on the web. I have been reading so many for weeks now! But then it cost money for the knowledge meat. I have been divorced from a 16 year marriage since 1994, because my ex husband wouldnt stop chasing women and had multiple affairs with them. I stopped our sexual relationship because he was too brutal with me sexually and also kept passing STI’s to me from all these women, which eventually got bad enough and caused many pelvic complications and damage that… Read more »
Missez Joō Valcin

I am SOOO proud to have Known this before Most women as I LOVE to do research on relationships AND gender differences so I can share my discoveries with my entourage. I just LOVE knowledge. Can’twait for your next video David!!! 😀


Ilove your aricle. So being vulnerable is sharing my emotions sharing authentically?

Amanda De Silva

What if a male judges you even before he gets to know you?
Once in a while I do not even get the chance to speak to a male (not even say ‘hi’) before he automatically writes me off.
Thanks for anyone’s reply!

Dyli Lopz
The guy is an asshole if he takes advantage of a woman and degrades and disrespects her regardless if she shows up as confident or not. I’m only attracted to confident men who are KIND and treat ALL people with respect. I understand men, but I will NEVER ACCEPT or STAY around a man who treats me like crap because I’m having a bad day or going through something. My energy will NEVER be 100% happy and positive all the time. I feel as though your article is sending out subliminal messages such as, “Men will ONLY respect and value… Read more »

I thought the same thing too. I call bullsh*t on this talk of “low value” “high value”… emmmm how about being generally civil and respectful to everyone as much as possible??? Would you treat a homeless person like crap upon seeing them just because they appear “low value”. I don’t understand why men find it so hard to be NICE. Being nice isn’t hard. It doesn’t take having feelings, or wanting sex, or the woman being confident or not. I know men are less virtuous/compassionate than women as a whole, but cmon!

Coleen Holley

How do you show up as a high value woman, and give him all your high energy in a long distance relationship?

Lolade Ajai
Hi David! Just getting to read this article and it is so spot on! What really jumped out at me was this: ‘Don’t ever assume that by having sex with a man, he will love you more. And don’t assume that if he loved you, he would have sex with you. These are two very different pathways for a man.’ It’s pretty profound because sex and men are perceived as a kindof siamese twin, isn’t it? So when a man loves you and prioritises being with you to connect with you over wanting sex, does it mean you have got… Read more »
Barbara McDonald
Hi David….I totally agree with the energy you put out. The problem I have is that I am a senior but look much younger. Have a very young energetic outlook and spirit. Three men asked me to be in a committed relationship. One asked me to marry. I know men very well. Giving from unconditional love is good but not too much or they don’t respect you. Its like your a doormat. So I am only attracted to men with high energy and good intentions. The rest bore me. You learn what it is to be a natural woman as… Read more »
Farzana Haque

What I don’t understand is what is feminine energy ? And how can we be exclusive if every female has this feminine energy to offer ?


I appreciate you for just coming right out and explaining. So many of your peers have led us on wild goose chases resulting in wasted time. Thank you for your insight, clarity and getting right to the point. It is clear to me now what I can do to get the results I want. Thanks Again


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