To quote Paul’s advice to men…

“Life with the greatest majority of women is a battle for your soul…”

Hey guys it’s D.Shen here, the founder of Commitment Triggers & Shen Wade Media where we teach you how to show up as a high value woman who easily inspires commitment from men.

Oh boy – do I have something for you today!

I was introduced to the MGTOW community a couple of weeks ago by one of our readers… and my goodness did that lead down a crazy rabbit hole…

Just in case you were like me and had no idea what the heck is MGTOW… (It stands for Men Going Their Own Way)… see this MGTOW movement as the counter-feminism movement.

See it as a movement to patronize women just as radical feminism has patronized men.

See it as a movement to convince men away from committed relationships…

This was somewhat triggering for me because of my own beliefs. As you may know, I’m married. As you may know, I’m married to Renee…(whom I have nothing but respect, appreciation and admiration for.)

But she has earned every single bit of that and completely deserve it.

More importantly, I truly believe in the value of a committed relationship, where both parties truly value the deepening of that relationship, where both parties put each other first, not their own needs.

I truly believe something magical happens when two people come together.

But back to this MGTOW movement…

Here’s a video from one of the voices (Paul Elam) of this MGTOW community…

This is advice from one man to other men about the real reasons to NOT get married… (Right this moment – it may strike some fear in your heart, but know that this is just someone else’s perspective and doesn’t make you any less. You are valuable and worthy with and without this perspective.)

(Wait a second, before you go and watch this 14min video, I want you to keep an open mind about this because it’s easy to get “hooked” and “triggered” by this. Don’t worry, I’m also guilty of this.)

Instead, let’s give our understanding first.

Let’s lead with our understanding.

Let’s see the value in this even if we completely disagree.

Let us hear a different perspective, as this different perspective may hold value that gives us a deeper understanding of life, of men, and of relationships.

Now I just want to be clear…

I am not entirely against what Paul is doing for men. I have nothing against the man, himself.

I know his message has value for SOME men, just as feminism has value for SOME women.

I CAN understand where he is coming from, and that perhaps he feels like he needs to protect men from “modern relationships” or the sanction of marriage. Perhaps he feels the need to give shelter to the men who have been beaten to their knees by the demands of the “modern relationship”.

Also, we need to remember that this is his advice to men. Not for women.

Paul is very articulate, and very well spoken. He sounds somewhat educated although I can hear resentment in his voice.

One thing I don’t like about what Paul is doing, is that he is assuming the worst intent from women. And from that mental and emotional place, I believe he’s passing on his own resentment in the shape of “advice”, more than he is giving true understanding to men.

And resentment isn’t going to free you at the end of the day. Understanding and appreciation will.

Because here’s what I always believe…

Neither men and women have bad intent.

At the core of the matter, we’re only trying to meet our own needs, sometimes in selfish ways, sometimes in more selfless ways.

Men and women however, have very different reproductive agendas. In other words, men and women seek different things in dating and relationships.

And as such, there will always be natural conflict between a man and a woman. ALWAYS.

In fact, if a man is truly masculine at his core and a woman is in her feminine core, then there will almost always be constant tension in the relationship.

It doesn’t have to be negative tension. It could be tension of attraction, of eroticism, or tension of anticipation.

And it’s in our natural interests to influence the people around us to become more LIKE us.

So in any long term relationship, the masculine man will instinctively try to convert his woman to become more masculine as the woman would try to shape him to be more feminine.

It’s not anyone’s fault, these are our natural instincts.

By making men wrong for doing so would be ridiculous and takes away everything that makes him a masculine man.

By making women wrong for doing so would be ridiculous and takes away everything that makes her a feminine woman.

We instinctively think that this is a way to connect deeper because then… we’d be “more alike!”

However, the more alike a man and a woman are in a relationship, the less tension, the less attraction and passion there will be.

It’s a double edge sword.

Anyhow, I’ve gone on a complete rant here.

Go ahead and watch that video above. And here’s what I’m asking from you.

I want you to watch it to understand, not to judge.

I want you to feel the emotions behind the words.

I want you to feel the pain behind the resentment.

I want you to deepen your understanding of men’s struggles in this world.

If you can truly appreciate this video without judgement, then I applaud you.

And plus, doesn’t a high value woman seek to understand, not judge?

Take a moment, comment below and let me know what you’ve learned…


NEWPolaroid David

D. Shen

Commitment Triggers

P.S. If you would like to hear about my perspective on this video… (I have plenty of rebuttals already in my head), Let me know in the comments below. I didn’t actually want to make this post about me…

P.P.S. For the record, I believe all men WANT to commit to a woman (the right woman). Without that drive to commit, we humans wouldn’t be here as our offspring would be long dead. But no man, (or woman) would like to be taken advantage of! It’s important for you to know that by truly having that deep understanding of the opposite sex, as well as a healthy sense of worthiness, you would and could never be taken advantage of again. Understanding is power.

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41 Comments on "Real Advice on Why Men Should Never Get Married…"

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Anna C
Hi David! Thanks for the update! Of course I want to hear your thoughts! I actually can appreciate where this man is coming from, although I think he may be coming from a place of hurt and fear, which is always a contractive place. I’ve seen women maul men in marriage, not supporting them ever by not working and taking all their money and their kids in a divorce, ruining everything they ever worked for in their lives. I’m one of those women who defend those men, and one of those women who want to take the power away from… Read more »

As a divorced woman in my 40

Dana Brechwald

This is so sad and wrong. I feel bad for this man and the kinds of relationships he’s experienced in his life. This is so far from describing my relationship with my man. We have real mutual respect and love. Maybe we are unicorns, or maybe we are just decent people who’ve learned how to not be self-absorbed and to treat other people like human beings.


As a divorced woman in my 40’s, this is the sad reality I deal with. I have a hard time finding a man willing to have a relationship with me or any woman for that matter, because they’ve been hurt one too many times, they’ve been in legal battles of their children’s custody or lost half of their property.

The sad thing is that I’ve been trying to remarry for the last 7 years with no luck. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met many men in my age group but they’re all afraid of commitment. 😳

Bianca Lewis
I wonder if he’s married?? People can become sooo bitter and twisted after they’ve been rejected by the opposite sex! I really don’t know if he made it out of spite. It’s terrible that some men will without a doubt, use that website to nit-pick and degrade women. But come on, really those men would LOVE to be in a great relationship but may just be too prideful to admit it! But I don’t think that this is the intention of the founder of the website at all. His opinions could be heard as idiosyncratic and an offensive perspective to… Read more »
Pooja Pophale

Hey David,when I saw the video I did not judge him at all.In fact I totally understand his perspective.However I also feel that he should take personal responsibility to choose a good woman who can be a good wife…instead of blaming women.
Also I feel that since he believes the worst regarding women,he also meets bad women who reinforce his beliefs.
This is just the law of attraction.

Thank you for sharing this.

Marine-Zareh Boyadjian
Marine-Zareh Boyadjian

So true…I’ve actually several several of those videos posted by another MGTOW. Honestly it does make me angry. These men are blaming all women and actually hate the whole population of women.

animator geek

why you angry toward him? what about the women make him felt that way? the bad women have do nothing wrong? the bad women make MGTOW possible. believe me! so is his fault alone?

I think he makes valid points, I have witnessed men in relationships like this with my own friends. Boycotting marriage does not change the situation at all though, because you can still be in a poor relationship without a ring. I would be interested to have him do a video exploring the following: – Men who ended up in relationships like he described…how did that happen, in terms of THEIR contribution only? Digging into the psychology of that man, and how he somehow continued to date such a person and even choose to marry them. Where did he go wrong?… Read more »
animator geek

actually men don’t need relationship with a good women. men only need his money and freedom. without marriage he got his own time and money. mgtow is philosophy not movement like MRA. If you really angry toward mgtow. I don’t know what to say. I hope you realize your whole comment triggered more men to not marry anyone in this modern age. If you don’t trust me make it viral. You will see a whole a lot more men refuse to marry.


I am sorry David,I could t stand listen to the whole video!that voice is so dull and annoying!!!but I would like to hear your views!!!
What can I say about all this?both sexes are equally responsible for the situation!unfortunately for women nowadays it is not political correct anymore to want to please their husband or care about him!!!
Looking forward to the post to follow!!!

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

You’re right, very annoying! I find is suspicious he called someone “bovine & facially-challenged”, and yet he takes care not to show *his* face during that whole 15 minute video!


Of course we don t judge,but the annoying voice along with the secrecy,really tell us something about the person!!!oops!!!i just judged and i am not at all sorry 😉


I see. I hope he is lucky enough to meet great woman to change his opinion about his marriage. Good luck.:)
The last part about meeting woman at the church really made laugh. It somehow tickled a part of my heart, kinda make sense…who knows:)

p { margin-bottom: 0.25cm; line-height: 120%; } Agreeing with Sarah, don’t we usually open our door to welcome what we are ready for ? Unpredictable changes do exist, in long term relationships as well. Moving to live together, a marriage, a first baby and many more may reveal surprising shifts of required or claimed priorities unfolding at any taken step. A change of career, unemployment or a business success may be an impact. Aren’t often unconscious and therefore unspoken and unshared fears involved? I have witnessed women who were never hiding their self entitlement, ones who switched within the comfort… Read more »
Mark Manson’s article came out a couple hours ago. “What’s the Problem with Men?” couldn’t be a more timely, sobering response to that video: Here are a couple excerpts: “Men are so emotionally incompetent without women, getting married is literally the healthiest thing a man can do in his life. One research summary of emotional suppression went as far to say: “emotional restrictiveness is the leading cause to why men die earlier [than women.]”18 “Married men live longer and score higher on pretty much every quality-of-life metric there is, including happiness and life expectancy. Marriage is apparently so important… Read more »

Your kinda right jen but so ronge at the same time my love dove, its Amazing wat you can find out about a person and how they fill and wate thar doing on the web and websites well got to go im bizzy i love you shit head keep your head up and stay the fuck out of trubel 😘 😎😋😁😜🤑😈😸😼🖕👆all day babe

I have been dating a man for 3 and a half years who also shares his views and to be honest I can see why. There are a lot of greedy, selfish self-absorbed woman out there who don’t appreciate or respect their men. As a woman in my late 40’s who has been divorced and has two kids and now know what I want in a man, it is difficult to find one who is both masculine and knows how to treat a woman with care and respect but still want that woman to be independent and feminine. My man… Read more »
Caryn Parker
Wow ! I feel a little sad for that man and other men who believe all that. I do understand why some men feel that way though, because there are many valid points about the whole law and society system. There are some women, maybe a lot out there that treat men that way and sometimes visa versa. I can see men really do need relationship help to find their way past the selfish women and to the ever elusive unicorns, as he puts it. I am one of those unicorns, and proud of it! Though I believe there are… Read more »
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

” I do feel a little hurt when men or women generalize each other and lump them all in the same pot. ”

Well said, I agree!

Everyone is different. Not fair or right to paint everyone with the same brush.


I think he should have knowledge on women & relationships because he causes men low value men to become commitment phobic. I really don’t agree with him
that’s his views anyway

I appreciate for sharing! David

Ida Engela

There is a lot of truth in this man’s words. I get where he is coming from. He’s more right than wrong. He turns me on. Mwah!

Bianca Lewis


Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

I think you meant “our ancestors would have been long dead”?

ab ee
I agree with the CORRUPT family law system being changed to where NO one gets alimony or child support. To force any human to do something against their will is slavery. This family law system is in place to make money for the courts and lawyers and that is all it is. The courts are actually DESTROYING families more than helping them. Times are changing which cause more men to NOT marry. I’m NOT against marriage. A woman and man will never be equal if you really think about it when it comes to gender. Most women always say they… Read more »
Rachel Rudd
Frankly, I feel nothing but pity for the men caught up in this movement. They have either been so badly abused by women in their lives that they cannot see beyond their own experience (much like women who have been abused by men), or they have been so imprudent and unsuccessful in their own interactions with women that they justify their inaptitude like fox that cannot reach the grapes. Perhaps this sounds patronizing, but I don’t think a woman should ever get angry when men rant about women. It’s a sign of weakness or injury, and a woman arguing with… Read more »
Jim Johnson
What gets me is the amount of negative press these guys get. Yes, they are hurt and bitter, but knowing what they went through to get to this point makes it understandable. Most of the MGTOW are guys who had a bad divorce, lost contact with their children, and are paying child support and/or alimony. They simply got hurt more than the benefits they received from the marriage. They don’t think it is worth it in today’s society to do it again, and are bowing out. This isn’t just loudmouths on the internet, seeing what my coworker is going through,… Read more »
A quick insight from the old continent (Europe). Governments usually do support the socially weaker, often only if they have no other choice. A married person gets less help than a single one. When divorce rates started to grow in the last century and women were usually taking care of household and education, they simply kept that part as their ex-husband kept his job. The money source for mother and children still could be his and had to be his. No increase in government expenses, no special tax rising needed. The law is very serious about keeping it that way… Read more »

Wow that’s new,he seems passionate about what claims women are,l dont judge him,l actually feel sad for what he must have been through,this also made me happy cause l know for sure there are still good women out there who want to give love because it is who there are inside

Tim Shepard

Mr Shen you seem incredibley naive. Admittedly Paul Elam has harsh words. That’s this motif, he’s speaking hard truth. But if you want Scientific Detachment, read The result is the same the Government is at war with men in our society, and marriage is their main weapon. Only a complete fool would allow himself to be suckered into a US marriage. I advise your readers to look up some men in their 50’s and find out if they think marriage was a good idea or not.

Chris Wake
I know it’ll never happen, but marriage shouldn’t be sold as the ideal “goal” or “endgame” in our society. Films, tv, books, etc paint this portrait of a fictional utopia where one’s life is simply reduced to “finding the one”. In the real world “the one” doesn’t exist and your life will benefit largely with that knowledge. You are now free to engage in relationships without the mounting pressure of legal paperwork signifying two people are binded by law. 2 individuals coming together can be a special thing, but society of all ages has made that a chore rather than… Read more »


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