There are two distinct traits of women that men routinely fall in love with regardless of the woman’s age, culture or belief system.

(Surprisingly this is universally true all around the world and you will discover what these 2 traits are in this article…)

See, after working with and coaching hundreds and thousands of women in love, dating and relationship, I’ve discovered something very important.

When men fall in love with a woman, there are ALWAYS 2 traits that the woman exhibits, whether consciously or subconsciously. (And surprisingly this works like clock work, it works as consistently as the law of gravity.)

Now a part of you might be wondering, surely this doesn’t work for everyone. Surely there are exceptions…

Well, as it turns out, not really.

Here’s why these two traits work like magic…

The reason why these 2 traits work so well to trigger men to fall in love, is because they are based on evolutionary biology. In other words, we as a species depended on this emotional mechanism to help us survive for hundreds of thousands of years. It’s in our DNA.

Don’t just take my word for it, go out there and test it out for yourself. I want you to experience first hand how this works for you.

You see, for a man to fall in love with any woman, he has to perceive the woman exhibiting these two traits at a very subconscious level.

(See my article on why men don’t fall in love with perfect women…)

Because the truth is, it’s not his conscious choice who he falls in love with or whether he falls in love or not.

Right? We all know that we don’t choose who we fall in love with… it just happens. (That’s because everything works way below the conscious thought level.)

It’s literally a cascade of biological and chemical reactions inside of him that allows him have that emotional euphoria that men go through when they’re in love.

But here’s a caveat… for a man to go through the emotional and biological experience of falling in love, you as the woman must exhibit BOTH of these traits. (This is important, so listen up.)

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that one of these trait is more important than the other, they’re both equally as important.

Why being attractive is NOT one of these 2 traits.

So before I reveal to you what these 2 traits are, let me just tell you that being attractive is NOT one of these 2 traits. Unfortunately I think in today’s world, we as a society put way too much emphasis on how we look externally, and way too little emphasis on how we show up to the world.

I mean have you ever known someone who is totally attractive yet still couldn’t keep a relationship together? Absolutely! Are there plenty of women on this planet who are naturally attractive but still being treated like a doormat?
You bet…! All you have to do is look around.

The truth is, every single day, men are falling in love with average looking women. It’s not about how you look, it’s about how you show up.

Don’t get me wrong, making yourself look good is sometimes important. But the purpose of that isn’t to attract men as much as it is to compete with other women.

(You get what I’m talking about right? To compete with all the other bitches out there! To feel like you’re better than other women. And there’s nothing wrong that. We all have that inside of us.)

To inspire a man to fall in love, requires a completely different approach.

But to inspire a man to fall in love, requires a completely different approach. And thats what I want to share with you.

When a man falls in love with you, he thinks and feels you’re perfect regardless of how you look. Your physical beauty makes no difference in his emotionally driven mind.

It’s basically hijacking his brain!

And guess what? A man in love will always find a way to commit, because he’s emotionally driven to do so.

Most of the time, men are looking for every reason to avoid commitment, when he’s in love, the exact opposite is true.

So enough of this lead up, what are the 2 traits that I’ve been teasing you about?

Trait 1) It’s your ability to show up as a…

The first trait is your ability to show up as a high value high status woman.

I repeat, it is your ability to show up as a high value high status woman.

(Click here to get notified of our new video series on becoming high value high status)

Let me explain.

We as human beings live in hierarchies. We always have this ladder of hierarchy in our subconscious mind and we carry it around everywhere we go.

This isn’t my wish for inequality, but our brains are actually hardwired for hierarchy. In other words, we can’t live without hierarchy.

Here’s the reason why…

Fact is… Our brains were shaped by hierarchy…

Our brains developed the need for hierarchy in order to live cohesively in a group environment. It’s so that we can cooperate and work together in order to survive.

Back in the tribal days, if you were in the wilderness by yourself, chances are, you’re dead… unless you’re Bear Grylls. He’d probably survive and make a tv series about it.

But for everyone else, we needed our tribe in order to survive. So our brains literally are built to always work with other people in the ladder of hierarchy.

In fact, this subconscious need for hierarchy exist in every single species of animal that live in groups.

Think about a pride of lions or a troop of monkeys. There are always this ladder of hierarchy.

(There are always a few alpha leaders, and so on and so on…)

We are very much the same. Think about it…

When we’re meeting new people, what do we do? We instantly suss them out, even when we don’t mean to. We do it instinctively because we are trying to figure out where they fit on our mental projection of this ladder of hierarchy. In other words, we’re sussing out how high value high status they are.

(Click here to get notified of our new video series on becoming high value high status)

In dating, this is really the only thing that matters…

When you’re in the dating someone, the ONLY thing that really matters is to present and prove your value as a woman. This is critical for you to understand IF you’re dating and you want to get past that stage and into a long term committed relationship.

The ONLY thing that really matters is to present and prove your value as a woman.

And of course, men do the same to prove their value as men.

And ultimately it’s those who present themselves as low value and low status who will ultimately struggle to find a partner, find love and have the relationship they desire.

Think about this…
That is why celebrities don’t seem to struggle to find a date. Now you’re thinking, but I’m not a celebrity. That doesn’t matter. You could be your own celebrity. You could hold yourself as a celebrity. And that’s what really matters.

It’s all about how you hold yourself, how you show up. After all, status is only ever just a perceived thing.

Brad pitt put in a remote tribe of amazonian hunters would have no perceived status, unless he earns it.

And thats the good news because you too, can show up to be high value high status regardless of your age, your financial situation, your IQ or who your friends are… if you know how.

I would love to get into the how, but that is beyond the scope of this article… I can fill a whole weekend seminar on just the how, but I just wanted to plant the idea with you right now.

(In fact we teach that transformational process of becoming high value high status in some of our programs. But I’m sure you can check them out later on.)

Compatibility was never the issue…

See, when it comes to dating, it’s not all about compatibility. I know a lot of people talk about compatibility, I hate it. I believe if someone is truly in love with you, they will move mountains to make things work.

When there isn’t that much deep emotional attraction going on, that’s when little things start to get on your nerve… like… gosh what kind of shoes are you wearing?

See, in dating, when people say they’re incompatible, they’re really saying that the other person didn’t present enough value or status. But that doesn’t sound so good, does it?

So instead, they call it “compatibility issues”.

But it really comes down to value and status and your ability to show up as a high value high status woman.

I really want you to remember this, your job is to give the perception that you are indeed highly valuable as a woman.

If you like me to teach you more about how to show up as high value high status, just let me know by leaving me a comment below.

Men fall in love with women who are high value high status. It’s not his choice, his biology dictates it. Men never fall in love with women who are low value. And that is universally true. Sometimes men give attention to low value woman, but that’s because he wants some sexy times and he thinks it would be easy with a low value woman.

Not to mention, men routinely take advantage of, use and abuse women who present themselves as low value.

So I really hope I’ve planted this idea with you that the skill of showing up as a high value high status woman is paramount.

But… being high value high status will only get you half way there.

If you’re only high value high status, and that’s ALL you are, then men will find you very difficult to connect with.

Trait 2) It is your ability to be open and vulnerable in spite of fear.

Here is the second trait of women that men routinely fall in love with. And that trait is vulnerability. In other words, it’s your ability to deeply connect with your own emotions so that a man can feel you, connect with you and is inspired to take care of you.

(Click here to learn more about vulnerability.)

It’s about learning to open and become comfortable in that openness. (In spite of how much fear there always will be when it comes to love.)

To be in love means that you have to be fully open to the experience. We can’t fall in love with masks, nor can we fall in love with people’s outer shell.

We have to go deep.

In this day and age, a lot of us have been encouraged to push down our emotions, and make them wrong. The more masculine your job or career is, the more you’re encouraged this way.

Not to mention we’re fed the message of “Be a strong woman, take care of yourself, you don’t need a man!”

As much as that is true in a certain context, it is the very thing that make some women take it too far and ending up rejecting her own femininity and vulnerability.

And if your vulnerability isn’t there, what is a man suppose to take care of? What would be the emotional reason for him to invest his energy and time with you?

How is he ever going to feel like a man?

Think about that?

If there are no compelling reasons for a man to stay in a relationship, then chances are, he’s gone.

A man is compelled to take care of you and devote himself to you because of your vulnerability.

It’s an invitation for men to offer his presence. It’s a gift to him. It gives him the permission to protect you. It makes him feel alive, it gives him purpose.

Your ability to feel your emotions and express your emotions are the very reasons why men want to commit to you and take care of you.

But isn’t vulnerability a weakness?

Unfortunately most people have the false idea that vulnerability is weak.

Let me tell you, there’s nothing weak about opening yourself to feel your emotions. There’s nothing weak about being courageous enough to acknowledge that your feelings exist.

Being vulnerable isn’t about being needy. They are very different.

Neediness is in fact an expression of low value. I’m sure you know that already.

Why is it a sign of low value? Because it’s about trying to take value from the world and people around you.

Neediness is about value extraction. It’s about needing and expecting the presence of a man.

Vulnerability on the other hand, true vulnerability is an expression of high value. It’s value creation.

It’s about creating and inspiring the desire for a man to be there and want to give you his presence.

But firstly you have to get in touch with your own emotions. Give your emotions space and time to surface so that you can experience them. They are here to serve you, even though they may seem scary at times.

And once you can truly face your own emotions, then you can truly connect with a man on the deepest of levels and create an emotional bond that even soul mates are envious of.

So if you want a man to fall deeply in love with you, focus on these 2 traits. The skill of showing up as a high value high status woman, and your ability to express your vulnerability in order to connect on a deep emotional level.

If you don’t remember anything I say, remember those 2 things, and I promise you they will take you a long way.

In fact, we teach you 4 weeks worth of this in our Commitment Control 2 program. I guarantee it will shift your outlook and mindset about men, dating and commitment.

Click to read more about Commitment Control 2.

Look, if you found this article to be useful, then you probably want to learn more. We currently have our commitment masterclass up and running, if you haven’t taken it, it’s a great idea. It’s 100% free for you to take, there’s a ton of great insights that I promise will change the way you see men and commitment.

Click here to register for our amazing Commitment Masterclass.

david_signature

D. Shen

Commitment Triggers

P.S. Now, my guess is, there are certain things about men that confuses you… (After all, you probably don’t have that stupid y chromosome. Trust me, it’s that y chromosome that screws everyone up.)

Well, over the years, I’ve realised that there are 5 things that every woman ought to know about men, love and sex, 5 fundamental truths.

If you don’t know them, and don’t understand the implications of them, then I can guarantee pain. (Not that I want you to have pain, but sometimes we can only either have the understanding or the pain.)

So it’s your choice right?

These 5 fundamental truths will shift that for you. Click here to find out what these 5 fundamental truths are…

If you haven’t signed up to my newsletter or email list, this is a good time to do so. (You can do this by doing one of the quizzes or attend our Commitment Masterclass)

So now, I want you to do some reflection and leave a comment below to share with us… What are some of the key insights you’ve taken away from this article?

What will becoming high value high status and yet vulnerable mean to you and your love life?

How is this going to help you in the future?

Until next time, make sure you look after yourself, give yourself the resources you need so that you can show up as the high value high status woman you were meant to be.

Talk soon.

Author D. Shen

David is the founder of Commitment Triggers & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to attract a high value man and inspire him to be emotionally committed to the relationship long term.

More posts by D. Shen
  • Newguy

    Makes perfect sense. However, I have learned the hard way that men don’t get married just because they are in love and/or feel committed. And, men marry low value women all of the time even though they are not really committed to the marriage. So what makes a man fall in love, commit AND marry? I have had exes (yes plural) stick around in the background for over a decade so I know that is some type of commitment. But, they would not get married when we were a couple which is why things ended. I HATE being in a loving healthy relationship where my man won’t commit to marriage. It is the beginning of the end from my point of view. What is missing when you have those 2 traits, he falls, commits but won’t wed?

    • D Shen

      Hey newguy. Marriage is a very different matter to emotional commitment. When someone sticks around in a relationship out of convenience, is it real commitment?

      (Not in my books anyway.)

      Just for the record, a healthy loving relationship isn’t the goal here. A healthy loving relationship doesn’t inspire a man to want to get married. (Sure, a lot of them do, but it doesn’t inspire them)

      What inspires a man to get married is your vulnerability. And I mean complete vulnerability, something that may be difficult to understand for a lot of people.

      it doesn’t sound like you’ve gone through our Commitment Masterclass… where the whole topic is the leap between long term relationship and marriage. We gave a story of a client of ours who was stuck in that situation and 7 days after we spoke to her she was married.

      Unbelievable story. There’s a real good lesson there that I think you would appreciate.

      • Newguy

        I hear you. I am sure there is just some THING that was missing. I can see that deep vulnerability was it. I was not convenient at all. I refused to live together and more. But, you are correct, I was not truly deeply vulnerable – just surface level.

  • Paula

    Is there some way of knowing whether a man has high or low self esteem? I believe that a guy with low self esteem can’t see a woman as high status once she is vulnerable enough to show she cares for him.

    • D Shen

      Great question Paula. You’re right, men with low self esteem find it difficult to appreciate a woman who’s high status because he is way too in his own head. He would still notice the fact that the woman is high status, but it would come across sometimes as a threat… making him feel like he’s even more NOT enough.

      I’m sure you’d easily and intuitively be able to tell if a man has high or low self esteem once you’re fully attuned to where he is at… This is the part that takes skill and willingness.

      Just don’t get caught up with his words or even actions… look past all that. Look at his intent. Look at his patterns. They will tell you everything.

      Perhaps a better question here would be… how do I interact with a man in a way that makes him feel ultimately ENOUGH and thus able to appreciate me as a woman?

    • christy

      Hi Paula,
      I believe one way, and probably the best, to assessing a man’s self esteem is to observe his reaction when he is challenged about his ideas or beliefs. Engage him in conversation about a current topic of debate and let him state his position. Then, contradict his arguement and watch his body language and facial expressions. Does he remain open in his energy? Does he fidget or get ancy in his movements? Can he maintain eye contact and openly receive your position? If he cannot stay with you while you share your point of view…on something that doesn’t even affect the two of you, he wont be able to remain open with something that does. If you see him shut down at the first sign of opposition, he is taking it personally and his “love ” will be superficial and immature. And, I will go so far as to say, he may even have what’s known as High Functioning Aspergers or Non-Verbal Learning Disability. There are millions of men now with these conditions but they are just now coming to light.
      Whatever his situation or condition, these men a quagmires; run as fast as you can. Twenty-five years, and a whole lot of pain and confusion later, and I’m finally coming into the fullness of this discovery. A man with low self-esteem will drag you through hell. Walk away. It’s better to be single.

      • Anita

        Hey, great answer. Very useful. Also I believe this applies to women as much as men. Or am i wrong?

        • christy

          Thank you, Anita. Yes, women can exhibit this, but I think in women it would come across more as neediness and the need for constant verbal approval.

          • Anita

            Yes, upon thinking of past experiences I agree thats how women exhibit immaturity – or thats the difference between a girl and a woman!
            It can be dangerous IMO, so many people out there can take advantage of a girl constantly seeking approval and damage her even.

          • christy

            Yes…this was my mother. She went from man to man looking for something she had within herself the whole time. Unfortunately, I think we as women can only come into the fullness of this knowledge by sticking it out with one man. Marriage is indeed designed to show us what’s really hidden deep within. I have learned so much about myself once I let go of the hope in my husband ever loving me in ways I could feel or expected and just let him love me the way he could, by providing for the children and me. Some men just cannot express emotion or feelings and it makes for a very dry, painful marriage. But even in this, we can learn patience and kindness and to put others before ourselves. And this may just be the very highest form of love there is.

          • Su

            Hi Christy, I couldn’t help replying to you when I read about your experience with your husband. I’m in the same boat, at some level I know he loves me but not in my language of love. I have even given hints and sometimes outright suggestions but it never worked. I am even trying to accept his way of loving me but it’s not working, I don’t feel satisfied. There are days when I try to look at the brighter side of things, and there are days when I feel that if he truly loved and valued me, he would show it….even if it’s not in his nature….at least he would make the effort. But I don’t see any of that and am left wanting.
            I feel like a yo-yo, thoughts of separation keep coming in mind and though it’s not right, have even mentioned to him. Thought that might shock him to realizing that it’s serious now, but he kind of just listened and kept quiet. When asked if it doesn’t matter to him, all he replied that it’s all in my mind, if I feel that way, what could he do. I was incredulous and just didn’t know what to say. But it is very painful. Still in a dilemma.

      • awake

        Asperger’s. yep.

        • Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

          Unless you are a doctor please do not go around diagnosing people in real life or over the internet.

          See my comment to christy above.

          • awake

            sounds like you may have narcissism too.

          • awake

            btw genius, did you know there are empathic sociopaths? sweet kind empaths who turn on a dime and become terrifying sexual predators admitting to sociopathic tendencies (they keep hidden from the world)? while they are nearly destroying you? but showing the world only their goodie two shoes “healer” side? and then revert back to their asperger persona while pretending to be normal? didn’t think so. so why don’t you go get a little life experience. actually, i hope you never encounter this kind of wolf in sheep’s clothing aspie. they may finish you.

          • Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

            I’m not arguing that there are people like that. But I hope it’s not being claimed that all persons with the condition described are Aspies, or even that all Aspies have a tendency to that behaviour. I would hate to see all persons with Asperger’s being tarred with the same brush.

          • awake

            ok. also, for the record, true narc’s that have NPD really can’t “change because they want to”, because their true self is so fractured, it is impossible for them to even acknowledge they have a personality disorder. they will do anything to deny this and keep their deeply damaged, terrified child self protected from perceived harm at all cost. therefore,they can’t self reflect. Aspies have a very difficult time showing empathy and can come across as sociopaths. and if they fail to show empathy, then that is how they are treated, as sociopathic. because people who are around them start to experience them that way. they also have tremendous anger issues, mostly hidden when adults. it’s a very complex affliction. i learned how to study their astrology in addition to the official diagnostic info to get a better insight in such a complex person. some people are simply not what they seem at all. but everyone of us is on some kind of a spectrum of weirdness, pain and suffering. that IS the human condition.

      • Kat MC

        Beautiful! Your answer and this article may have saved me of lot of headache and pain tonight. Also I would Add Narcisists and Mysoginists !! Not just Aspergers, Narcisists are Evil harm abuse you on purpose !! Also Psychopaths the ones switching women like panties. Its THEIR problem..

        I have been in on off crazy relationship for years, with Narcisist mysoginist. *also have to mention I come from family who very much undermined my self worth self esteem and Life (also Narcisists). I`m an Intelligent Articulate, Educated still young woman but the years I had spent among assholes psychos have made me so sad.

        I work on taking my degree in Psycholoy have other credits, but I constantly tend to get taken advantage of in relationships with Men long term, turn to assholes just like my first Bf. He put me through hell completely destroyed my confidence, sense of self, turned ppl against me….he wants and gets SATISFACTION in destroying me!! making me look lke the crazy one (has problems w his Mother in fact Psycho herself who enables his behaviour and he throws it onto other women). He completely cut me off as if nothing ever happened for years !!! he made it so publicly its hard. for me not to feel humiliated and useless.In fact thats the whole point, he took a Diamond and he replaced me with cheap Imitation.

        I repeat, this Article is very helpful. but mine was sick and got off from hurting me behind closed doors, it has nothing to do with MY Values as a Woman. I had the best DAY EVER when I got in contact w him, from coupple of words he could brake me into crying spree, that I would scare ppl around me. Usually after some great times”. Dr Jekil and Mr Hyde !!

        Nobody can convince me that this man/ BOY Peter Pan, after not doing a single drop of SELF WORK simply “moving on” to another glamurous” target, he is “HEALED” because THAT Woman is SO~SO much more than me. Please! these are immature Douche Cowards Mommas Boys eternal Peter Pans Narcisists who GET OFF on hurting Women.

        And thats where I wanted to get at. I got out of that relationship, remade my Life, professionally I was doing swell work 2 jobs, great people around me, Beautiful Man who loves me and I am feminine Me. AND ( by being stupid old me, old habits die hard especially when you are born grow up with Psychos around u) … I got stupid nostalgic and remde Contact with the Narc Clown.

        And believe me now I am everything he (or healthy man in the head) could wish for, and he STILL managed to make me feel like the last person on this earth. Unwanted. Ugly. just like home sweet home. just like old times.pain

        If this is not Abusiv rlship, and if this is not THEIR problem, I dont know what is

        Thanks very helpful though!!! The Article *** BUT WITH HEALTHY NORMAL GUY !!! Mention it ! Dont throw all the blame onto women!

        • Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

          I find it very offensive that you clearly lump people with Asperger’s in with “Narcissists” who all want to “harm” and “abuse you on purpose”.

          People who are narcissistic choose to be that way. They are capable of change if they want to.

          People with Asperger’s were born with it, and have no choice in this. It is not curable.

          Your comment makes me both offended and very very sad. See my comment to christy above.

        • christy

          Beautiful Kat,
          The love you are looking for, longing for and deeply need….is right there inside of you. I know we read this all. the. time….but we are blinded by our little, wounded selves, and we can’t grasp this concept. We weren’t given the necessary skill set that would have taught us this so long ago and saved us from this pain. So, now we must learn it as adults. Take time for yourself…practice self-care and self-love by doing for yourself what you long to do for a lover. Forgive your growing self for doing things that humiliated your true self….feel all of your pain…really “look” into it and let the tears and questions flow. Realize that the mother you needed, now resides within you…so does the father, because you can now protect and provide for yourself. You can also look in the mirror and speak loving words to the beautiful woman that you see. Become whole….that you may attract whole! Much love…xxo

        • Get out of your psychology class and out of your head for awhile, and look into your soul. You create your own path, you will pick and chose all through life who you want to spend everyone of your minutes with.. spend them all with people, places and things that make you feel good and you cant go wrong. Go to a class, learn a new hobby, get a second job, without anyone you know. Create your own path.

      • Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

        I am a woman with Asperger’s and I find your comment offensive.

        Firstly perhaps whatever topic you contradict with him might have deep roots in him and he may feel very strongly about it for reasons you don’t know – for example abortion, I have very strong feelings about it (against, for reasons I feel no need to divulge) that would upset me if I had to ‘debate’ with someone I was just getting to know, as in beginning of dating. It sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to pick a fight with a man. (Incidentally where is your support for your statement that contradicting his argument is “probably the best” way of assessing his self-esteem?)

        Secondly unless you are a doctor I would not be going around diagnosing people even in your head, with Asperger’s or any other condition. That is for doctors to diagnose.

        Thirdly I take offense to your statement that a man with Asperger’s would be a “quagmire” as you put it, needing to be ‘run away from’. Asperger’s is non-curable and we do not choose to have it. Imagine how inflammatory that comment would be from a neurotypical man calling women with Asperger’s “quagmires” that needed to be ‘run away from’. So why is it ok for you to say such a thing? I’m sure there are plenty of men with Asperger’s who have found happiness with a woman. I personally would love to find an Aspie man – I know I would be sympathetic to his quirks and special interests! Because I know how it feels.

        Fourthly Asperger’s has been around since the 1940’s so your statement that it is “just now coming to light” is blatantly erroneous. Even before it was named Asperger’s there have been children & adults on the autism spectrum for much longer than that!

        If you ever did date a man with Asperger’s, I’m glad for his sake you ‘tossed him back into the pond’ so to speak, so he has a chance to find happiness with a better woman who doesn’t pick fights with him on purpose. Or judge him negatively for failing to “maintain eye contact” during said fight – Aspies don’t choose to not make eye contact, we subconsciously avoid it because it makes us uncomfortable. If that makes *you* uncomfortable, then keep doing what you did, “walk away”. You should be able to spot us “quagmires” so much easier next time!

        The sad irony is that neurotypicals often accuse people with Asperger’s as having no empathy for others – where in this instance the neurotypical is saying offensive inflammatory comments against people with Asperger’s.

        So sorry us Aspies are such a quagmire for all you empathetic neurotypicals out there! In fact don’t even read my comment – just run away as fast as you can before you get sucked down with me!!!!

        ~~arrrrrrrggg there goes one now arrrrrr ~~

        • christy

          Dearest Tanya,
          My reply to Paula was about men with “Low Self Esteem”. They are the “quagmires” I was referring to. A man with low self esteem, no matter what his position in life, education level, attractiveness or any other “plus” in his favor….Is going to put you through hell…as will a woman. It’s better to back away and give them the time they need to grow within themselves. I think if you go back and reread what I’ve written without eyes of offense, it will be clearer to you what I was trying to tell her. I was not telling her to pick a fight with a man…just a gentle oppositional discourse will do. My reference to Asperger’s was just simply to educate her on another possibility. But since you mention it….Aspies can make good husbands, as well. Many have excellent qualities any woman would want. I have several friends whose husbands exhibit aspie traits, and they are happy in their marriages. Their will be something missing in every relationship. The very best you can hope for is a partner who stays “open” to possibilities for improvement in relating…and hopefully, more and more intimacy. And, sadly, there are others who are closed and locked within their own world who have a very difficult time with change or growth. As someone else has stated, it can take years to figure this out, all the while working yourself into a tailspin trying to find the way in. By this time, there are usually children involved and away isn’t that easy anymore. Best wishes to you….xxo

          • Tanya Rachel Wieczorek

            You did state at the end of your comment, “whatever his condition”. That would by definition include the Asperger’s you were referring to two lines above that.

          • MaikenZ

            Dear Tanya.

            If you have Asperger ou know this condition can be hard on those around you.

            A marriage/relationship with all its challenges is hard enough to handle. Living with a person with Asperger makes it even tougher hence the problematic symptoms,
            ‘Individuals with AS often display inappropriate emotional aspects of social interactions.
            They can come off as being insensitive.
            They might appear to lack empathy or to disregard another person’s expressions and gestures altogether. Because they have such a poor sense of intuition and spontaneity, people with AS rely on formal, rigid rules of behavior, making them appear inappropriately and overly formal in social situations.’
            A marriage is something one has to work hard to maintain. Being with an Asperger just adds more worries and frustration to it. I know cause I have lived with one for too many years.

  • nessa

    Hey David, Fantastic article!!! Thanks! Say hello to your wonderful and beautiful wife! I also love her Blog and articles!!

    • D Shen

      Will do Nessa! Renee’s blog is amazing isn’t it?!

      • nessa

        Yes it is!!! I recommend all the ladies who haven’t been to her blog to go and see for themselves how great it is! She really knows what she’s talking about….. just like you!
        May God bless both of you.

        There is this really handsome and fantastic guy in my class at college , we talked a few times and it is just amazing how much we see the world the same way! We are good friends and are going to do a project together. He was the one who suggested to be my partner for the project, I always felt that he had some interest in me, But…. a few weeks ago he invited me out for some coffee, and he started to talk about his gf,and how much he loves her but they have some issues that must be solved in order to get married and how he cries for her. He never told me about her before, and I was really broke inside when he said that, but didn’t show it, I just told him I will pray that everything will work out for him. but in my heart I was like” I WISH you would break up with her and be mine”

        He told me I Was the first person who he actually poured out his heart to,. I feel like he likes me. But since he has a deep connection with that girl he just won’t admit it and doesn’t want to be disloyal to her.

        Is it true that IF a man is interested in a women, he would never mention How much he loves another woman?

        David, I know I should just move on but he is exactly all I ever wanted..

        I would be thankful if you answer me

        • D Shen

          It’s great to know that he is so loyal to her. That is really important… because you would never want to end up with a disloyal man now would you?

          As much as you may wish that he would be yours, I’m sure there’s a part of you that wants him to be loyal to his existing girlfriend, right?

          What if you truly appreciated the situation for what it is? And wished him all the best?

          • Anita

            Thats a great answer.
            I’d like to say to nessa that if you really care for the guy you ‘d want him to be happy and just be there for him as a friend.

  • Olivia

    Thank you so much,, the two points make complete sense but are quite difficult to do!! I feel I’ve become a lot more vulnerable since signing up to commitment control 2. I show my emotions a lot more. Showing up as high value is harder for me. The person I’ve seen three times now, we have been having a nice time but I don’t think I showed up as very high value because I started imagining him as my boyfriend. The last time I saw him which was last weekend, I asked him if he’s casual or looking for somethng serious and I think that frightened him away because we haven’t met up since. I won’t ask him out because I think he needs space to see I’m not desperate to have him as my boyfriend, so I’ll see if he tries to see me sometime. I’d love to read more about being high value 🙂

    • Venessa

      Oh, no, darling, you didn’t show up as low value when you asked whether it’s casual or if he’s looking for something serious. After 3 dates, you imagining him as your boyfriend means that’s what you want him as your boyfriend. (Why do we women make ourselves wrong for wanting something with a man? We’ve been conditioned that our wants are neediness and insecurity.)

      You showed up as high value when you asked him what his expectations were. That’s your right. Don’t get strung along. If he is going to run away there are 2 things happening: either he’s dating casually and wants to go from girl to girl and he’s not ready to settle down; or he needs his space to think. Men process things much slower than women sometimes.

      Your job is to keep your head high and know the value that you bring into the relationship as a woman. You’re feminine, vulnerable, beautiful and strong. And the more you remind yourself of this, the more he will feel it and the more likely he will want to come back to be with you … and slowly the other girls will fall away and he will see only you.

      Say this to yourself: You’re not contacting him not because you don’t want him to think you’re desperate (don’t ever do something because of how someone else will perceive you .. that’s fear), but because deep down you know you are a woman of high value with a lot to offer a man who will step up and offer you a solid relationship. Otherwise, draw gentle boundaries around your heart.

      Remember that we women must fall in love with ourselves and our lives first. That’s how men get attracted. Look within to attract what’s without.

      Good luck! xx

      • Olivia

        Thank you so much, what an amazing and helpful comment, I haven’t contacted him but it is hard! But I don;t want to suffocate him. I have a lot to offer 🙂

    • D Shen

      Hey Olivia. Great to hear your progress after signing up to Commitment Control 2.

      Showing up as high value isn’t as easy as it sounds. There’s a mindset element to it, as well as some skills that work really well in showing your value.

      I’ve created some great exercises to go through to help the process of showing up as high value in situations such as yours.

      I will definitely get more into this in the near future.

      • Olivia

        Commitment Control 2 is helping a lot!! <3 I would love to see some tips and examples 🙂 I have no idea what to do with this man, i thought we had something special. He seemed to like me a lot and said he would see me very soon.

  • 1st)lady

    Loved it!!! I’m on that track!!! Just need to learn how to be open.

    • D Shen

      Great to hear 1st)lady. Most of us are on that journey of learning to become open, so you’re not alone.

  • Celine

    hi David! Thank u for writing this- it really helps. But I was wondering, what do u mean exactly by being a high value high status woman? How can a woman achieve that? What are quality traits that make a woman high status high value?

    Thank you!
    -Celine

    • D Shen

      Hey Celine… perhaps I should write up a new article on what really is “High Value High Status” and how to achieve that?

      • Paula

        I think that would be a great article.

      • Lauren Blaga

        Hello David,
        I would really like for you to write up an article on what really is “High Value High Status” and how to achieve it. It could help us all out! I think even when we have traits to us that are high value, we get confused and falter…anyway, I am looking forward to it.
        Lauren

      • Kiki0216

        I would love to see a new article on this, too!

      • Celine

        Yes please! That would be wonderful!

  • kat

    Hi 🙂 thank you for the wondergul article 🙂 I must say I find it really hard to keep being open and show up ss a high value female, when i am feeling hurt. For example, when my bf pays attention to me, i feel good and i have no prob appearring high value. But when not, i i feel bad ab myself and i need to block my feelings in order to look fine with high self esteem and so on… i know it is not easy @nd combining the two traits takes a lot of unconditional self esteeem

    • D Shen

      Hey Kat. It is perfectly OK for you to express ALL of your feelings and still be perceived as high value. There’s no need for you to block them out.

      High value high status, is not about you having everything handled and managed… look at all the deeply moving characters in movies! They are not any less high value for feeling their emotions, whether that’s hurt, shame or guilt.

      Rather, it’s more about the respect that you give yourself that creates this perception of high value.

    • christy

      Kat,
      There sounds like there are some underlying issues at the soul level for you that will need to be uncovered. Are you able to get quiet during those times when the negative feelings surface? If so, ask your inner woman what she is feeling. Have her use words as clearly as she can to express the pain. Then tell her to show you where and when she first experienced those emotions. In doing this you will discover the hidden internalized fears you acquired usually in early childhood, around 6 or 7, when your individuation skills were being formed. If you received the five A’s from your parents- Affection, Attention, Appreciation, Acceptance and Allowance to be yourself- then look to a specific traumatic experience that took place. Your answers will be in that pain. Much love and healing to you sweetheart. Xxo

  • Kiki0216

    If you are interested man is experiencing two major areas of his life where he feels badly about himself (work, health/weight), it is probably a safe bet that he is not at a point to really date you, right?

    I’ve been showing my vulnerability and he’s opened up to me about these two areas of his life quite a lot. We have phone conversations that last as many as 5 hours. When we talk in person it’s always until 5 in the morning. He emails me to tell me about his day and will send me documents that he wrote for work just to share them. However, he hasn’t asked me out or gotten physical beyond really long hugs.

    We did date briefly in the past, but remained in touch. At that time we stopped dating because I was at a strange point in my divorce and needed to recover. My question is this- if I keep showing myself as vulnerable and he keeps sharing like he has been, is this on a good path (albeit slow)? Or is this really just a friend thing? I can live with slow- I want him to be happy and work out his issues. I’d love your thoughts.

    • D Shen

      Hey Kiki0216. Great to hear about how by showing your vulnerability that it has helped your man open up too. Keep that up.

      YES, if you keep yourself as vulnerable yet high value, this is the perfect path. When it comes to love and romance, timing is as important as anything else. Sometimes you have everything ready to go, but it’s the wrong timing and nothing will eventuate.

      Just imagine if you felt super unattractive on a day to day basis… it doesn’t make you want to have a relationship and be open to a man, does it?

      But the better question you can ask is… what can I do to make this man feel capable and strong, even for just a moment? How can I give him emotional resources when he doesn’t have any himself?

      • Kiki0216

        Thank you for the feedback! And it’s great advice to do something to make him feel strong and support him.

      • Kiki0216

        Hi David,

        Since I left this message this man and I have been spending A LOT of time together. Mostly initiated by him. Physically he is maintaining boundaries, though we have very long hugs when we part.

        He still has the same issues as before. Just today on a voice mail he mentioned he was fat. And when we were at the movies he ate a lot. He has also mentioned being rejected a few times to me in the last several days.

        I’m really worried I am starting to get into the friend zone. But then I don’t know. We’ve spent over 40 hours together in the last 10 days. He showed me, page by page, three HUGE scrapbooks his mom made as well as a eulogy he’d written. I mean, I love my best girl friends, but I don’t care to spend two hours poring over the details of when they learned to walk and all of the birthday presents they’ve received. Things seem more “intimate,” than just a friendship.

        I want him to find me sexy and attractive. I know he trusts me deeply and cares about me. But I want things to progress beyond this. Again, I don’t need it to happen tomorrow, but do you think I am setting myself up for pain?

  • Jasmine Rivera

    This is all incredible insight into men, however, what about men who have lost their own mothers and have a hard time connecting with women in general?

    • D Shen

      I think most men have a hard time connecting with women, just because we all tend to have so many layers of social conditioning…

      “Should I do this or that? Will she like me if I act like this…?”

      When it comes to connecting with men, I think the most valuable thing is your desire to understand the other human being, who has had pain and struggles that we may not yet fully understand or appreciate.

      If you can do that, it won’t matter if that man has no skills in connecting with a women. He will be inspired to WANT to connect with you and learn how if he is afraid.

      • Mary

        Sigh …I have had an experience with a guy who was not very skilled in connecting whit women & was somewhat shy. I learned he was attracted to me. I liked him back, so I tried to understand him & gave him time. I thought I could connect with him because he got closer & show me deeper aspects of his life. He tried to be around me & I tried to make him more confident with me, because I appreciated him & wanted a good relationship with him with solid foundation …
        Guess what? As he turned more self-confident, he started to pursue other girls, in real life & Facebook. I don`t know why he did this in front of me while he was still interested in me: my traits affected him deeply in positive or negative ways, he gazed me, … . I dropped him out of my mind, but I can`t see why he did this to me.

        • D Shen

          Perhaps there wasn’t enough attraction in the first place… so your role was not the lover but rather… the carer, helper or supporter…?!

          • Mary

            It i possible that I misinterpreted the signs of attraction like him being nervous around me, gazing, unconscious laughter, finding occasions to be with me, feeling jealous about other guys approaching to me,etc. Even my friends have noticed that, & this guy still treats me differently than other girls. Well, these are early signs of attraction & as he is not yet dating me, you can say the story was n`t about love.
            The point is that when the man does n`t know how to communicate chances are he is not worth your effort. In my case, I got confused about his behavior. If you want a lover, it is better to be with someone whose intention is clear at the very beginning, even if it is through internet. It is far more better than spending 5 months on some shy guy, trying to comfort him & make him open up, then being so frustrated.
            I have a friend who has a similar story with a college professor, but hers lasted for years and now she is drained. The problem is, these guys don`t disappear completely, nor they enter a serious relationship to make the girl know everything is over.

  • Ileana Vargas

    Hi David, great article. You and Renee are such great writers, I really appreciate how you guys explain things really well. However, I was HOPING you could give some examples? How to be perceived as a high value woman without coming across as conceited, and if shyness has anything to do with it. Also, I sometimes find myself expressing either anger or indifference when I’m hurt, is that what you mean about being vulnerable? That we shouldn’t try to hide what we really feel? Thank you.

    • D Shen

      Thanks Ileana. I appreciate your compliment.

      I will definitely create some future videos and articles on examples etc.

      For now, just know that, yes we shouldn’t ever hide what we really feel. We are no longer kids who may have gotten reprimanded for feeling certain things.

      Vulnerability is the place you go where you no longer have the tough outer shell that protects you. A place where you don’t have to defend yourself.

      I’ll get into that another day.

  • christy

    Hi David,
    I’m not understanding the infatuation with marriage and acquiring a man’s commitment in this day and age. I’m 50 and understand it happenning back in my day, but the social norms for our mothers and grandmothers are all but gone now. Why do women WANT to appear as needing a man’s commitment? Ladies, enjoy your freedom. I have five gorgeous daughters and this is the advice I give them. Let men run after and pursue you! You run after and pursue your own life, adventure and happiness. High value is knowing you don’t NEED a man to make your life complete. My daughter, who’s a senior in college, has had one goal while there: to earn her degree and further her own enjoyment by what she’s learning. She constantly has male students wanting to get her number and date her. She won’t even give out her number on campus. Very few guys have it. Her name and reputation on campus are like gold. Her 4.0 gpa probably helps as well, but it is her appearance in NOT needing any of them to have value that are making them all crazy about her. She’s also real and open and a lot of fun to be with. She is, unfortunately, in the minority of young people today who has been able to enter adulthood emotionally whole and strong in her sense of herself. I wish I had been all that she is at her age. But, better late than never.

    • D Shen

      Hey Christy. Good point there.

      Sounds like you’re raising some good daughters!

      I think women are still wanting that symbol of marriage for a couple of reasons.

      1) Sign of status. “Look at me… I’m desirable because a man wants to marry me.”

      2) A sense of certainty… as a female friend of mine once mentioned (in regards to her husband)… “He can’t leave me now, because we’re married.”

      But in terms of commitment itself, (not marriage), i think it’s intuitive for a large proportion of women to instinctively desire it and need it. After all, we wouldn’t have civilisation today if women didn’t have the instinct to need a man to be around whilst she goes through the vulnerable stage of pregnancy and child rearing.

      • christy

        David,
        I understand those two reasons to be byproducts of fear. Shouldn’t we rather direct these young women towards the soul work of uncovering the hidden sources of the fear, healing them, and then moving out from a place of power? It is only then that a woman can enter into a relationship as an equal to the man. If she is looking for a “savior” he will eventually become her “jailer”! These young women still are clueless to the rules of the game. I’m all for a higher status man, but he will put a woman in just as much bondage as a poor one!

        • D Shen

          Of course I believe in the power of overcoming fear and healing emotional wounds.. but there’s SO much more to dating and attraction than just that.

          Are you assuming that women generally enter into relationships as “inferior” or subordinate to males?

          • christy

            No, I’m not assuming that. Listening to the stories of women, young and middle aged, who have come through good and bad relationships, is proof enough of the brokenness of much of western society today. I specify western because many cultures still practice arranged marriages. So I am only speaking of romance based mate selection.
            I am saying that many women responding to this article and many of Renee’s as well are dealing with deep personal issues. The healthier way to go about seeking out a healthy partner is to first, and foremost, become one yourself. Whatever it takes, counceling, books, life coaches or sexual therapists for those that have been violated. We as women cannot know the immense power that resides in us until we have first dealt with our own issues. No relationship should be entered into until this process has begun in us and we have made some substantial progress. If this is not the approach taken, they are doomed to attract another broken individual because broken attracts broken, whole attracts whole. We attract others like ourselves. This is all I’m saying.

          • Terri

            Its basic human instinct to want a mate… yin and yang… so women and men should never feel guilty about wanting a relationship. Guilt is a terrible emotion…

  • Flo

    Hi David I enjoyed your article however I think your concept of being high value high status and vulnerable maybe can be better described and understood by describing these 4 qualities that we woman must possess: 1- Confidence, 2- Authenticity, 3- Passion, 4- Receptivity. Now starting with the first one I think being confident really means loving ourselves, I like to think to think of the word confident as con-fede from italian which means “having faith”. So I think being confident means so have faith in yourself, which is to love ourselves because having faith is truly loving ourselves. Because take for example a moment when you get stuck in worries or feel needy or feel not enough: if you love yourself you would realize that these feelings that you have are not serving you so, you would decide to stop worrying, to focus to see your worth and not get stuck only on your shortcomings, to say that yes you would really like to enjoy the company of a loving man but you love yourself so much that you would not permit yourself to come across as needy because you are worth it, you are enough and can become even better so a man’s life would only be enhanced by bying with you, so you decide to not show up as needy when that feeling comes but instead focus on doing something that you love. And loving yourself is another way of saying that you care deeply for yourself and others pick this up and they will treat you with care and lovingly, at least if they want to be around you, because subconsciously thet know that behaving otherwise would not be tolerated by you. Since you are loving to yourself below the conscious level they feel that you would be loving to them also. And guess what: someone who loves and respects herself respects her feelings too, so when she feels hurt or treated badly she would not shut up or shout but would have te courage to be authentic about what she is experiencing, she would be open to tell what is bothering her and what she would prefer instead not in a demanding way but in a tone of voice that someone who really cares can speak. So I relate better with the term being authentic than being vulnerable, the second one for me suggest more the feeling of risking to be hurt. And being authentic is in essence having the courage to speak your truth. And I too think that what makes us attractive to the other sex and maintain loving relationships are traits and behaviours that we exhibit that are required to survive. And I think that courage is the first virtue from which the other follow: for example how can you expect someone to have ethics and a good sense of morals if he has no courage? If someone is fearful he would easily get manipulated or become a doormat to others. And who would enjoy in the long run to be in a relanship or married to someone who cannot be authentic? And when someone is authentic he subconsciously encourages others to be authentic also, he transmits the feeling that it is safe to be who you are. And someone who loves himself and is authentic would not live without enjoying life, so he would have a life where he enjoys passions. And having passions is quite attractive, a person who has interests and passions is less likely to become addicted, or abusive or depressed. And he would not be someone boring. At last being receptive is crucial too, because for a man to fall in love with you, you have to be able to receive the things that he does for you. So receiving in a sense is appreciationg. And with women today being raised with a sense of having to do it all by themselves, if they are not receiving they cannot receive their man being protective or giving to their loved one.

  • Flo

    Hi David I
    enjoyed your article however I think your concept of being high value high
    status and vulnerable maybe can be better described and understood by
    describing these 4 qualities that we woman must possess:

    1- Confidence,

    2- Authenticity,

    3- Passion,

    4- Receptivity.

    Now starting with the first one I think being confident really means loving
    ourselves, I like to think of the word confident as con-fede from italian (confident
    in Italian is confidente) which means “having faith”. So I think being confident means so have faith in yourself, which is to love ourselves because having faith is truly loving ourselves. Because take for example a moment when you get stuck in worries or feel needy or feel not enough: if you love yourself you would realize that these feelings that you have are not serving you so, you would decide to stop worrying, to focus to see your worth and not get stuck only on your shortcomings, to say that yes you would really like to enjoy the company of a loving man but you love yourself so much that you would not permit yourself to come across as needy because you are worth it, you are enough and can become even better so a man’s life would only be enhanced by being with you, so you decide to not show up as needy when that feeling comes but instead focus on doing something that you love. And these ways of responding demonstrate that you love and have faith in yourself.

    And loving yourself is another way of saying that you care deeply for yourself and others pick this up and they will treat you with care and lovingly, at least if they
    want to be around you because subconsciously they know that behaving otherwise
    would not be tolerated by you. Besides, since you are loving to yourself below the conscious level they feel that you would be loving to them also. And guess what: someone who loves and respects herself respects her feelings too, so when she feels hurt or treated badly she would not shut up or shout but would have the
    courage to be authentic about what she is experiencing, she would be open to
    tell what is bothering her and what she would prefer instead, not in a demanding way but in a tone of voice that someone who really cares can speak.
    So I relate better with the term being authentic than being vulnerable, the last one putting more focus on the risk of getting hurt. While being authentic is in essence having the courage to speak your truth. So being authentic comes from a place of empowerment unlike being vulnerable which to me comes more from a place of “hey, I’m risking getting hurt”. Truth is in life you always run into risks of getting hurt, and it is better that you experience getting hurt at some point because then life will make you realize the force that you have buried within you to heal and become even better because of that hurt. Who has never experienced being rejected? When you have a disappointment or get rejected isn’t a desire born into you to know how relationships work? And because of this you find yourself studying relationship and getting better at them, so you see the initial hurt as a blessing in disguise. And I think life requires first the ability to survive, after that you can thrive. In real life you will win, and you will at times lose but if you survive the loss then you
    win in the game of life. Maybe this is why I dislike the term vulnerable,
    because I feel its meaning leaning more towards the probable hurt and loss, and
    to convey the effect that vulnerability has we may use a better term, for instance authenticity.

    I too think that what makes us attractive to the other sex and makes us maintain loving relationships are traits and behaviours that we exhibit that are required to
    survive. And I think that courage is the first virtue from which the other follow: for example how can you expect someone to have ethics and a good sense of morals if he has no courage? If someone is fearful he would easily get manipulated or become a doormat to others, or get so panicked that he may get hurt or not win at something that he doesn’t event try.

    And who would enjoy in the long run to be in a relationship or married to someone who has not the courage and be authentic? Because when someone is authentic he
    subconsciously encourages others to be authentic also, he transmits the feeling
    that it is safe to be who you are. And when you are authentic people perceive you as real, and in a world where fakes and copies abount we all appreciate truth.

    And someone who loves himself and is authentic would not live without enjoying life, so he would have a life where he enjoys passions. And having passions is quite
    attractive, a person who has interests and passions is less likely to become
    addicted or abusive or depressed. And he would not be someone boring. At last but
    not of least importance is the ability to be receptive, because for a man to fall in love with you, you have to be able to receive the things that he does for you. And being able to receive is really being able to appreciate. And when you convey that you appreciate something what is felt and understood is that you value that thing. And with women today being raised with a sense of having to do it all by themselves, if they are not receiving they cannot receive their man being protective or giving to their loved one. When a woman instead learns to receive her man he shows appreciation for who he is and what he does, and what the man feels is that he is valuable and important because he can make a difference in his woman’s life. He feels like a winner, and this is what men what to be. So an appreciating woman makes her man a winner, and in doing so she wins too.

    • D Shen

      Thanks for your contributions Flo. You got some good information there!

      • Flo

        Thank you David and Renee for your good articles. Reading your articles I have better understood how relationships work 🙂

  • Dani

    Such valuable insights, thank you for writing this! I wonder though… how can a woman tell if the high value status and vulnerability she expresses is just quite the right amount. Is there such a thing as going too far when showing as high value and vulnerable? Are there ways to gauge a man’s commitment level, so to speak?

    • D Shen

      Good question Dani.

      Its all about experience and calibration.

      How does a baby know to bend his knee and ankle enough to take his or her first step?

      He or she doesn’t. We just keep trying until we get it. We don’t see babies permanently avoiding to take that first step because they’re too afraid to fall, do we?

      But we know that every successful attempt or fall we take, we are moving one step closer to the end result… because we’re gaining experience and calibrating so that eventually we can walk without focusing on our knees or ankles.

      Your job is to simply start.

      And what happens often is that you’ll swing the pendulum too far and go too extreme… that’s perfectly normal. We need the extremes to learn to calibrate.

      But just know that you will probably fall more times than you’d like.

      We all do.

      (And yes, there are ways to gauge a man’s commitment levels.)

  • The one who…

    Hey Davi

    • D Shen

      Hey Holly.

      Social status isn’t so much HOW many friends you have.

      It’s more about your ability to easily connect with other human beings. It’s your ability to deeply connect with other human beings.

      It’s about your ability to add value to others, in which ever form is right in that context.

      And to do that, you have to really connect with people, not just “meet” them. See what their lives are all about. See what they’re passionate about. Figure out why they get up in the morning.

      And most of all, speak to different men and see how differently they will react to women.

      • The one who…

        DAVID

        Thankyou so much for taking the time to guide me with some of your insight, your a legend; I’m truly greatful 🙂

        Well, I feel so much better now about events from my past and how I can show up in future – I guess that things are better than I thought and your insight really shed a’lot of light.

        I wanted to add also, I abcerlutly loved the content in this article – it was defiently worth the wait, in fact the information in this article is worth it’s weight in gold 🙂

        Honestly, I really feel that I waited along time to this information and feel so much better about things now.

        You and Renee have both provided me with greater confidence – I’m feeling happier within myself and know that shen wade media team are a huge part of the jigsaw puzzle in the puzzle of happiness and wellbeing that lives in my mind.

        Much love and respect to everyone on the Shen Wade Media team ♡

        Yours insight is of the greatest.

        P.s, loving the use of video in an article; how ingenious and high tec.

        Loving the picture of Tyson 🙂

  • Asta

    David, thank you for a great article but I have a question!
    I have read articles for women about how to improve ourselves, unleash femininity, how to improve relationships, how to recognize and keep away low value not alpha males and etc.
    BUT my question is how a woman can help a good man to improve, to unfold his masculinity when there are sings that he may be an alpha male, but his masculinity was suppressed all his life by his masculine, managing mother and grandma and no father model? I think it is not fair to teach low value women to create value, improve, heal, unfold and at the same time to keep away low value men… They also deserved a chance and some help! Otherwise the advises for man would sound: improve yourself and keep away all (good but) low value women..

    What can we talk about the connection if a man/ women cannot see a good woman/man behind her/his desperation or when they don’t even know what is wrong with them and they are trying hard and suffer and help them because of love?

    • D Shen

      Great question Asta.

      You’re right… every “low value” man or woman is just an individual who’s temporarily lost their way. It is in our deepest calling to give them the gift of getting in touch with their truest self.

      Every person deserves a chance.

      It’s our job to see through their current actions and behaviour, and see them for the high value individuals that they really are deep down inside… even if they don’t see that themselves.

      In order to do that, we have to be courageous, resourceful and willing to do what is difficult.

      So how does a woman help a good man improve and unfold his own masculinity? First step is to see him as that masculine soul that he truly is. See through all that conditioning.

      And have an unwavering belief, a conviction that this is who HE really is… despite how he shows up on a day to day basis.

      Like Morpheus would give his life for the belief that Neo was the ONE.

      If you could do this, then you cannot falter.

      • Asta

        Thank you very much!

  • mercy

    David where is Renee? are you still with her. I don’t see her on your website or your facebook. I really hope there is no issues cos your guys being together as a couple is such an inspiration to so many. please

    • D Shen

      Renee is right next to me. 🙂

  • Frennie

    How can I show up as a high value and high status women to the men?

    • D Shen

      I will show you how in some of my new episodes and content that will be released in the near future.

  • Guest

    Hi David, I have a question I would like you to answer please. I have a new boyfriend who is the first guy I have loved in years. I really love him. I am dealing with personal emotional issues too, and broke up with him for a couple of days last week. He seems to really understand me, and I realize that I’m very lucky. during those two days though, I had a conversation with an old friend from school which was texting. It wasn’t that bad, but he spoke to me sexually and I didn’t say anything back but I did answer his question when he asked what good sex meant to me, I said compatibility. My boyfriend is a sensitive guy, and thought he cheated on his previous girlfriend who slept with another guy when he just layed in bed and talked to another girl. He thought HE cheated. So to me, that conversation I had during the two day breakup would hurt him. I feel very bad. But some men would not care. But I love HIM. a part of me wants to just delete it, but another part of me is totally against that and I will not delete it. But I am scared and I feel very bad. Do you think I should talk to him about it? Or just leave it in my phone. Because I think he has looked through my phone before.

  • Lujain

    What happens after love and commitment. Are those 2 traits enough to keep the man interesting and loving and show effort in a life long relationship ?

    • D Shen

      Hey Lujain. These 2 traits will get you a long way and it will keep YOU interesting to your man as long as you use these and embody these traits. The dynamics of a LONG term relationship is always evolving and changing.

      There are other elements that comes into play when we look at relationships that go beyond the 5 – 10 year mark. But those would only really make sense when you get there.

  • Anna C

    David, Thank you so much for these articles. It’s amazing to hear such insightful advice from a man’s point of view. And the videos look very well done, and artistic. The videos add a lot of value to the posts and allow us to relax a bit and watch what you say to reinforce the message.

    About the message, being high value is key to getting a man’s commitment. Before, I was a bit emotionally immature, as we all were, and I’m still learning and growing of course. In the beginning, I was attractive, I was taken advantage of by many men. Then I spent many years working on myself, growing, asking myself: Why are people responding to me in this way? How do I want them to respond? How do I get there? I read and learned… and one day someone fell in love with me. And nothing I could do was wrong. And everything I did, he loved. And I felt so happy, because I was “realized”. I could be myself and I felt understood. And I wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable. I wasn’t afraid to be imperfect. The things he would do to surprise me… were out of this world; I never expected to be this lucky. I never expected to be this comfortable or feel this safe, and at the same time feel this excited. I do believe that if you are high value, you get high value returned to you. Like attracts like, I suppose, if you want to look at it in a simple way. Really, excellent post David. I can’t wait to see the other posts and videos you put out, and also Renee’s. Cheers to you & best of luck with your other works!

    • D Shen

      You’re welcome Anna. Thanks for sharing!

  • Anna C

    Another thing I want to add… your quote: “when people say they’re incompatible, they’re really saying that the other person didn’t present enough value or status. But that doesn’t sound so good, does it?”

    Very true. I once said someone and I were not compatible. I thought it was because he didn’t give me as much “soul connection” as I needed. But then I read your quote and realized… it’s not because he was not good enough, it was because he didn’t give me what I needed and valued. He gave a lot… truly he did… but it wasn’t what I needed & valued. Maybe it would be perfect for some other girl. I was happy with it, and he provided a lot of value, but not the kind of value I found valuable. I needed to laugh, I needed to be understood, I need to really feel accepted. Although he said anything I could do was acceptable, I always felt judged. Perhaps it was my problem as well, I don’t know. He was a very good man. I will never, ever forget him. But the truth is… the value you give has to be at least the same value perceived by the other person.

  • arwa

    Hi David
    I enjoy your articles , they are honest and hit the nail on the head
    I would really like to explore more about showing up as a high value woman
    Can you help me with that?

    • D Shen

      Of course I can help you show up as a high value woman. Look out for some new videos of mine coming out soon!

  • amie

    Hello David! Great advice! I’ve read men don’t respond to WORDS the way women do, so I would love to hear your top 5 ways a woman can be vulnerable with a man…

    • D Shen

      Have you checked out the masterclass yet Amie?

  • Anne

    This is a fantastic article -extremely well written and so clear! it goes both ways -women also seek high value in a guy. My issue is that I have been brought up to be independent and I don’t really know how to show my vulnerable side as I have a strong personality and used to do stuff by my own. I totally want a relationship. So this is where I think guys have a hard time connecting with me. Where do I get clues on how to show more that vulnerable side in the dating phase?

    • D Shen

      Good question Anne. We talk a lot more about vulnerability in our Commitment Masterclass… have you attended?

  • Bella

    David, I have a question for you though. Once a man gets the woman and once the chase is over, don’t they get bored? Doesn’t being with the same person become monotonous and all? How can this be overcome? This scares me and I’m very concerned.

    • D Shen

      Good questions Bella. If a man is only after the sex, yes, he will get bored right after the sex or the chase of sex. If he falls in love, then no, because there’s always a level deeper that he would want to go.

      Does being with the same person become monotonous? Only if you’re not evolving and thus being boring. Everything becomes boring after a while, because we become satiated with that experience. That’s why it’s important to always be growing and evolving and explore different facets of your personality.

      We all have different parts to us, different personalities. If we can get more in touch with the parts of us that aren’t being utilised as much, then we would never just be the “same” person.

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  • Rachell Briggs

    I don’t agree. This “appear high status/value” seems to be aimed at attracting a certain type of guy (think PUA douche type). My BS meter always goes off when someone goes to great lengths to make themselves attractive to others. Here’s a thought: just be yourself, and see what types of folks you attract. If you are attracted to someone, try to get to know them better and then decide if *they* are worth the effort of courting. Also, Rejection is part of life. Get used to it and don’t make it a reflection of your value as a human being. Move on and try again. Regarding the vulnerability aspect; that happens after the other person has earned your trust. Opening yourself up prematurely to guys who haven’t earned it is a recipe for disaster. Honestly, what is the obsession with making a man want to marry you? Marriage is not a statement about a woman or man’s worth; ideally, it’s what happens when two people recognize the depth of love and companionship between one another and want to male it binding.

    • D Shen

      None of this is about making oneself attractive to others. It’s more about becoming yourself at the deepest level. Wouldn’t you agree?
      My experience is this… once a woman is able to show up in a high value yet vulnerable way, she is able to easily see through douchebags and jerks, and would never fall for their “tricks”. Not only that, but the jerks and douchebags would know that they don’t have the intrinsic value to be involved with a high value woman. In other words, you’d be repelling these low value jerks.

  • Anita

    My key insight is this. From working a very high powered corporate job and getting tougher emotionally and being controlled almost all the time, my energy has become more masculine. In a group of women I many times admire ones with feminine energy without fully understanding it – as something i didn’t have. I.e I didn’t understand it till I found your website. Thank you for that.
    It affected me in many ways- my health, not allowing myself to be vulnerable, not being able to cry. It just somehow felt wrong.
    At the same time I also felt pity and contempt for the women who often made bad decisions and seemed to need a man to lean on and cried often. They seemed to fold at the smallest obstacles, at least in the corporate world and weren’t very tenacious. I didn’t respect them very much.
    I guess I am trying to find a balance between being strong in life and being vulnerable to a man, bcos I want that very much – being everything to a man who I can respect and take care of, who I also find desirable and can count on.

    • D Shen

      Great insights Anita. What we really need is a balance. And by balance, I mean the ABILITY to access the extremes, not half and half.
      Think of this as 2 facets of your life that you need to develop. Both are important, but most of us only ever develop one side of it. That would eventually cause a lot of imbalances in that individual’s life.
      Sometimes we need to swing the pendulum to feel what balance may feel like.

      • Anita

        Wow, thanks for the reply. Both Renee and you are so amazing- insightful, real and communicative.
        Thanks for clarifying that the goal is to be able to be at both extremes. I took one of your tests which said I was pretty much 50% masculine/feminine in terms of my energy and I could have concluded that I was more or less a finished product based on that if not for your reply:)
        I think I can hit the masculine end of the spectrum but am still not able to go all the other way which is a bit sad, but atleast I know what I have to work on!

        • D Shen

          You’re welcome Anita. Let me ask you this… what movies or music reliably make you cry?

          • Anita

            Umm..music touches the soul but so far it has never brought tears to my eyes. I generally prefer happy uplifting music though.
            But The Notebook ( the movie ) always makes me cry. I guess thats what true love means to me. Old, wrinkled and on your knees at the end of your life, there’s still enough respect and connection built up that you’d follow the other person anywhere, even away from this world.

          • D Shen

            Then you know what you can do to practice allowing yourself to be vulnerable… don’t you?!

  • Sam

    The guy I have feelings for also has feelings for me but won’t commit. He won’t spend time with me because he says he’s too busy. He flirts with me and teases me and does this more so when I don’t pay as much attention to him. Is this a sign that he has issues? or that there is something about me that deters him from committing?

    • D Shen

      Depends on what kind of feelings he has for you… men chase after 2 types of women. Which type do you think he categorises you into?
      Sure, it’s possible that he’s really busy and doesn’t feel like he’s got time for a relationship… that’s a definitely possibility for most men. It’s not so much that there’s something about YOU that’s deterring him, but rather there’s not enough attraction between you two to start with.
      Have you had a chance to go through our commitment masterclass at all?

  • lexi

    I would love some advice on how to be a high value woman to make sure I am on the right track.

  • Cathy

    I struggle to know the difference between being vulnerable and high value. High value to me sounds like it means ” hard to get ” and maybe very self confident etc. Could you explain and example of how vulnerability may be expressed without seeming low value

    • D Shen

      Great question Cathy. Let me ask you this, is it possible to feel extremely emotional, but at the same time, not needing attention of other people? Is it possible to ask nothing of those around you but to hold the space for yourself to feel?

      By the way, high value and hard to get are very different concepts. I never recommend people to be “hard to get” because it just seems so contrived and unnatural.

  • Ellen Ribock

    I really hurt the “high status” image. What are the steps to get it back.

  • Chii .

    Hi David,
    First, thanks for the article. Those points you made were very clear and made a lot of sense. I was wondering though, what are some ways a girl can start practicing vulnerability? The world has conditioned many like myself to suppress our feelings and act like everything is perfect, but that is blocking my vulnerability from within. How should I go about this journey to be able to genuinely express my true feelings?

    • D Shen

      Great question Chii… let me ask you this, are there any movies you’ve seen in the past that made you feel a certain emotion and opened you up emotionally?

      • Chii .

        Yes it was a sad soap opera that really touched my soul. The movie made me cry out loud, which I haven’t done in a long time now.

        • D Shen

          So what would happen if you watched this soap opera every day for the next 2 weeks?

          • Chii .

            What would happen..? I would be a very sad person and cry a lot haha But on a serious note, it would make me feel more open about my feelings. Ask, are you trying to help me realize that if I continue to have this feeling of sadness and hurt that I will start feeling more vulnerable and real?

          • D Shen

            🙂 Only you will find out on the other side of that sadness and hurt.

          • Chii .

            I’m excited to see what that side has to show me then 🙂
            Thanks for answering my question, David! I look forward to learning more from you and Renee.

  • Jen9494

    Hi David,
    I’m following your commitment Control 2 course and attraction control monthly course and in those course and this article you guys mention throughout the importance of being High Value High status. But what exactly does that mean and what exactly does that look like? How does a how value high status woman behave, and think?

    • D Shen

      Hey Jen9494. I will definitely address these great questions you have in the coming weeks! I’ve got something really special planned that will explain all the different aspects of high value high status! 🙂

  • Kaoru

    Thank you for this wonderful article!

  • nena

    hello David thats a wonderful article!could you please give some practical examples of showing high value vulnerability?

    • D Shen

      Sure Nena. I’ll give you a movie example. The scene where Meg Ryan was crying on the stairs in the movie City of Angels. She was fully in her expression yet not needing anyone’s approval or validation. Make sense?

      • nena

        I think so!referring on an everyday interaction with a man where it is impossible to cry or being frustrated all the time:you mean we must make obvious all our feelings of weakness with our facial or body expressions without caring if anyone approves or feels any discomfort????

        • D Shen

          Crying is certainly not a display of weakness. I’m saying, allow your body to feel what it wants to feel without having to have a million rules as to how that feeling must be expressed.
          And yes, without caring if anyone approves. You have the right to feel whatever you wish. You’re not asking anything of anyone else. Does that clarify this a bit for you?

          • nena

            just a bit!so you mean express anything i feel even if this anger arrogance jealousy or need?but doesn t that bring me close to law value or neediness??????

          • nena

            Yes,but isnt there a danger of showing needy or low value???i mean i could feel arrogant or jealous or very strong or completely independent or dependent on a presence of a man!this is why i think its not right to show very vulnerable at least at the early stages of a relationship:that is until a man gets to know you very well

          • D Shen

            The key here is to be so well practiced on your own that you can calibrate vulnerability and high value for the context. But vulnerable doesn’t mean needy or low value. Not at all. It just means you’re in the flow of emotions… and that comes and goes.
            Did Nicholas Cage know Meg Ryan whilst she cried on the stairs?

          • nena

            Then i would say that vulnerability means being exposed to your emotions and not care what the others think!!!

  • Kaoru

    Re-reading it because really helpful.

  • Mariam

    My man proposed me a year ago. He loves me a lot, he cares for me and tries to understand me. Its just that I feel like his love is gradually fading away. He is becoming more and more busy. It really hurts. He lives in another city and despite my efforts would not come to meet me. He does not express his love in words but sometimes he goes out of his way to make me feel loved. I’m extremely confused and hurt Shen. Its like he switches modes between this caring guy and this insensitive narcissistic jerk who would hangup on me and would NEVER EVER apologize for his behavior. I’ve tried all I could, I talked to him, explained everything, asked him to come over or at least let me come to him. I’ve tried to break up with him three times when I absolutely could not take another minute of neglect and rude behavior. Its only when i was on the verge of leaving that he would mend his ways. He would become the most loving and caring guy there ever was. I’m 22 and he and i both just secured lecturer ship at university. I used to read, sing, draw have a life. My parents and friends always admired and loved me. Now since last year and a half I’m reduced to this crying, needy woman who lashes out at people. If he would just leave me it would break me down completely but at least i could heal. I’m tired and hurt and confused. The most hurting thing is when he disappears for days at a time and then comes back like nothing happened. Phone is all i have to contact him and he knows it. He happens to a very charming and handsome guy. He knows it and tries to make me jealous by the number of women fawning over him. What do I do? Right now he is on one of his disappearing modes. I’m getting all worked up again. He has never cheated on me, has stood by me through thick and thin. He is loyal and caring when he wants to be. Its just that lately the loving part of him is showing up less and less often and the insensitive part is showing up more and more. My brain just cant deal with this inconsistency. This the first time ever that I’ve opened up about him. The rest of the world sees him as this great guy who has a great sense of humor and how lucky I’m to be his girl. The alpha male, you can get the idea.. What do I do?

    • What if you suddenly broke up with him despite what he says… what do you think would happen. I don’t mean trying to break up, i mean break up.

  • alicia

    so many good comments here! and thanks David for your replies often in the chain I really understand both people’s views more and it becomes clearer. I too struggle with the vulnerability part and esp seeing that as conflicting with high value. Often I suppose because when one is vulnerable one wants another to step in (neediness) I’m really struggling to differentiate the high and low value versions of this – I think Rachel had a point about them earning trust for your vulnerability -I think this may be what renee means when she says under 6 months in a relationship if a guy pulls away feel the pain yourself, give yourself certainty etc.. I really think the key is how we feel these feelings and communicate but I guess no outcome is guaranteed – a guy can still walk and that doesn’t mean vulnerable was wrong… likewise holding it in if we already sense the guy is going to walk is no bad protection mechanism- it;s such a complicated one at the heart of relationships! Any advice on this would be great thanks

    • Hey Alicia.

      Yeah, it’s more about cultivating that ability to become vulnerable rather than just being vulnerable 24/7. Sometimes it’s useful to put up a shield.

      But you will become better at calibrating that, once you go to both extremes and become completely comfortable in those states.

      And of course,when we talk about vulnerability, it’s not about telling your deepest and darkest secrets to someone on the first date. Not at all. It’s about the ability to do so and being comfortable doing so, if the context is right.

      Hope that make sense!

  • Wow! I love this. Thank you

    • christy

      You are welcome, Becky! Much love xxo

  • Shell

    I LOVE this article. It really is SPOT on!! I’m probably not the most beautiful woman in the world, but I don’t go out EVER and not get attention from highly attractive, quality men that seem to follow me around like puppydogs. I have NEVER understood it. However, I truly have always done step 1 and step 2 and men constantly tell me how beautiful I am. SHOW UP!!! Seriously ladies, (LOVE THIS PHRASE) “Show up”!!!! BRAVO!!!

  • bt

    What a poorly written article. Saying you have to “prove your value as a woman” is 100% meaningless. This guy is just a shit pusher, constantly using infuriating click-bait style phrases to make you keep reading his meaningless garbage. He’s targeting “high value woman” who want a “high value man” because these are going to be the woman with lots of money to throw at him.

    Don’t fall for this guy’s idiotic manipulative ideas.

  • Donna

    High value, High status…. Yes, please, D. Shen…. Teach me!! I have been out of the dating scene for 8 years, now. And it’s rather scary for me. I would appreciate any help that you can give me. Thanks!;

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  • Mickelle

    Please describe in further detail what is your interpretation of a high value high status woman? And how does she present that to a man.

  • Missez Joō Valcin

    Oddly enough, while watchng this episode, I’ve Just found out that I Actually tend to exhibit Both of these traits…so…there must be something Else that I may be doing wrong without my knowledge. Or maybe the trick is that I Sometimes switch from High Value to Low Value and from Vulnerable to Closed-off whenever I feel threatened by a perticular man’s presence. I have obseved that in the past. If I Were able to figure out something I may be doing wrong, I could fix it. I believe there’s a solution for everything.

  • supaman659

    Why do I love white girls that know how to twerk?

  • backhe

    I don’t care about the “social value” of the woman. In fact, I find it intimidating with women that have high social value, but that may be because I struggle with low self-esteem myself.

  • I would say that the same 2 traits are what I’m attracted to in males.

  • Jess Almen

    I am so happy and grateful to Michael, he is a spell caster, he helped me in getting the love of my life back to me and we have been together for over 2 years now and counting. i felt i should share what i have with all of you out there seeking the affection of your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. I know for a fact that a lot of people need this, you can reach him through his email address: michael.thegreat2050@yahoo.com

    You will thank me later.

  • Telise Reid

    How do I learn to have high value high status

  • DANIELA

    EVER THOUGHT OF GETING YOUR EX BACK IN NOT MORE THAN 24 HOURS, LOOK NO FURTHER BECAUSE I HAVE ADVICE TO GIVE TO YOU ON HOW I GOT MY EX BACK, IT MIGHT ALSO BE OF HELP TO ALL OF YOU. My name is DANIELA WILLIAMS, i reside in UK. IT WAS 6:30 PM on febuary 24 when my ex { Dalighton} came home from work, i tried to talk to him but he did not reply me, i tried to kiss him but he did not allow me, i was wondering what was happening, He went out, he never came back that day. The next day he came back i tried talking to him but he didnt not reply me back, he told me he never loved me anymore, That he hated me! I was in great shock when he told me this, and packed his things and left. To cut the long story short, one day i shared my problems on line { FACEBOOK}, and a woman told me not to worry that she has remedies to it, she told me to contact a spell caster that helped her too, i never wanted to do it because i thought they where not real, my doubt became much more when i learnt the spell caster that helped her was from Nigeria, i said within me, they are all scam, but i had no choice than to try, all i did was to pay for the items he used to do the spell for me, he told me that in the next 24 hours my ex will come back to me, his name is DR EWAN,his email is covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com}, he started the spell and few hours later he told me that he has finished the spell and once my ex returns i should let him know. Unexpectedly it was 4:pm 3 of march, i heard a knock on the door and when i opened it was dalighton!, he apologised and told me he was sorry for all his wrong doings, and now we are happy. ALL THANKS GOES TO DR EWAN OF COVENANTSOLUTIONTEMPLE@GMAIL.COM. If you have any problem like mine or other problems you can contact him at his email covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com, he is best i have ever heard of. THANK YOU SIR….

  • I Pledged Allegiance

    I wish this page had open space after each paragraph for reader comments and or thoughts . I’m about halfway through reading it and getting a little impatient thinking OK OK WHAT ARE THEY ”
    also thinking maybe this long and drawn way of getting to the 2 traits is a way of making an example of the possible trait which will be the ability to keep a man in suspense lol

  • Megan Bottoms

    Thanks for the video. I learned tonight that while I may have expressed my vulnerability with the guy I’m dating, I may not be portraying myself as the high value woman I am. I realize that I may be sending thoughts that I’m chasing or pursing him instead of him pursing me. How do I change that and flip around so he sees me as the high value woman I am?!?
    Thanks
    Megan

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  • anoynomus comments

    Getting my Ex back was something that i couldn’t imagine will be so easy.I’ve known Cynthia for years, When we finally got together, things were so weird so we broke up in January 2014 In Ausgust 2015, we got back together and we were together until march 2016 of which she told me she was not interested in the relationship again, for a reason she didn’t say, and which i don’t know. During that time my mind was completely at a state of unrest, I wasn’t eating, neither was i sleeping, talking to anyone was even
    more difficult, I cried, I was so depressed and stressed out that I was scared and was even planning to end it all but a friend of mine named Alex Richard who passed through same situation advised me to contact Priest Omigodo to help me because I Love and care about her so much and I just want us to be together again, i contacted him although i never used to believe in spell casting but i gave it a try and and he cast the spell and to my greatest surprise everything was alright, Cynthia called me and started
    begging for all she has caused me. It made a positive result and today we are happily married and she is pregnant . To you all out there faced with the same problem or similar to this, you can contact Omigodo on his email address on omigodoshrine@hotmail.co.uk because he will help
    you. Once again thank you Dr. for bringing back my love. Thank you.?

  • Leonie Miller

    Can a woman regain high status/ be re-evaluated as high value by a man?

    Short story:
    – Was with man for almost a year
    – Gave it my _all_ and I accepted _any_ treatment from him
    – He slacked off commitment-wise and didn’t connect
    – Dumped me stating I “deserve better” and he couldn’t see himself “with one woman for the rest of my life”
    – He’s a commitment-phobe due to past hurt
    – I’m currently working with a psych on rebuilding self-esteem/ self-love (who gives all and accepts anything? a chick who doesn’t love herself)

    If he comes back, and with my self-love and self-esteem rebuilt, can I reset his perceptions of me to a high value?

    I.E., exhibit high value behaviours because I really believe that I am worthy, and subsequently reset his opinion of my value?

    Thoughts?

  • sarah moore

    I would like to know more about how to embrace my value as a woman, and not put myself down internally.

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