So we’ve been talking a lot about dating profiles in our Facebook group lately. And one lady asked me to give her some feedback on her Tinder profile.
Her name is Erin and first of all, I just want to honour Erin for having the courage to step forward. It’s never an easy process, putting yourself out there.
So I respect and appreciate your courage and willingness to learn, grow and of course have the willingness to receive feedback, Erin.
These traits will take you a long way in this life time.
By the way, if you want to join our Facebook group for high value and feminine women, you can click HERE to join us.
Disclaimer: Not every single woman is going to be granted access to be in this group. This is not a group where you go to extract value for yourself, pick fights or make others wrong. We have very strict rules that we implement and remember, respect is always the best policy.
Anyhow, let me add a screenshot of Erin’s profile here…
“I own my own home, can give killer massages, and will cook you dinner from scratch every night. what else do you want to know?
I’ll make you laugh but whether its with me or just at my awkwardness is yet to be determined.
I like to cook, read, win at trivia nights, travel, watch football, and go out to dinner movies, museums, shows etc… what about you?
Generic disclaimer, if I know you, I’m swiping right… and I don’t even know what a super like means.
Alright, so I’m going to use your profile, Erin to illustrate the 3 things you as a woman should never put on your dating profile. I don’t care if it’s Tinder, Bumble, Match, OKcupid or Plenty of Fakes, I mean fish.
This isn’t to say that you wrote a terrible profile Erin. Not at all.
My first impression here Erin, is that it’s not bad. I can see that you’ve actually really tried to put some effort into it, which is fantastic. Great job.
Bios are very difficult to write even for the best of us. And you won’t believe the percentage of women that don’t bother with writing a bio. Fair enough, it’s difficult and sometimes time consuming to come up with a clever bio.
But having said that, having something in the bio is almost always better than having no bio at all. It shows that you care, you want to make a genuine connection and shows that you’re human.
However you have to be careful, especially as a woman, what you put in your profile.
The impression I get from reading this is that you are trying to put your best foot forward. You’re trying to lead with the value that you believe you have.
Which is great, but here’s the thing. You Erin, have so much more value to you as a woman, as a human being, as a soul than what you’ve tried to put down in this bio.
The first thing you said here is that you own your own home. That’s great if you’re looking for a housemate.
My guess is, you’re not looking fora house mate. And an intimate relationship shouldn’t be based upon being just house mates either, right?
Your value to men in general is so much greater than a roof, a massage and a home cooked meal.
Personally I love home cooked meals, but that is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. You can pay someone to cook a meal for you, you can’t pay someone to invest in you, or fall in love with you.
The ultimate value I believe when we talk about intimate relationships, comes down to emotional attraction and emotional connection.
In other words, the value is in your ability to connect deeply with men and your ability to establish and cultivate emotional attraction.
Related: my wife has an article on creating emotional attraction with men. You can read that here.
Don’t reduce your value to the handful of things you can DO for a man. I know there’s so much more to you than that.
And Erin, here is how this comes across to men when they read your profile…
I don’t feel like I am enough in my own skin so I need to somehow prove that I do have some kind of value, and hopefully you will approve of me. I may not be enough as me, but I have a house. Please approve of me.
If that’s not enough, I can give massages. Hopefully that would sweeten the deal. If not, I can make home cooked meals from scratch. I hope that is enough…
That is kind of how it feels to read your profile as a man. Do you understand what I’m saying here?
It’s almost like me as a man, saying to you… “Gosh, don’t judge me, I’m not sure if I have any value as a man to give or offer, so, you know what? Take my money, here, it’s yours. Just don’t judge me.”
The bigger issue here is that this kind of behaviour typically attracts takers, scammers and con artists. Just go and Google how many online dating scams there are, you’d be shocked.
I’m sure you wouldn’t want to attract men who take advantage of your resources, right?
So Erin, please know that you as a woman have so much more value than what you’ve put down in your bio. Please don’t think that this is all your have to offer.
CLICK HERE to discover how deeply feminine you actually are with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!
As a woman, number 1 first and foremost
Never put in your dating profile what you own. You will certainly attract people who will want to take from you. And even if you figure out at some point that they just wanted to take from you, that is number 1 time wasted but number 2, leaving a bad taste in your mouth and making you more jaded with men in the long run.
Number 2 Mistake
The second thing you should never put in your dating profile is what you can do for a man. You as a woman, your worth is much more than what you can do for men.
Everything you can potentially do for a man, can be outsourced for a dollar amount.
YES, I mean everything.
And the moment you start thinking about a relationship in terms of dollar amounts, there is no relationship. It’s a horse trade.
So instead of thinking about your value in what you can do, the truth is your greatest value to men is your ability to inspire them to feel.
Your greatest value to men is your ability to inspire emotions, aliveness and joy in men therefore taking them out of their masculine but boring lives.
You can put a dollar amount to a roof, a massage or a meal. But you can never put a dollar amount to a feeling, a connection or a spark.
Number 3 Mistake
So what you can do for men is something you shouldn’t put in your dating profile.
Don’t reduce everything down to a horse trade. Instead, focus on what is going to help you connect deeper with men, even if it’s scary right now.
Because I can tell you, men want to have a relationship with you. Not what you can do for them. They want to feel your soul. That is infinitely more valuable than a roof, a meal or a massage.
Now back to your profile, Erin.
The rest of your bio isn’t too bad. It’s not fantastic, but it isn’t awful either. I kind of like what you wrote about “I’ll make you laugh but whether it’s with me or just at my awkwardness is yet to be determined.”
It’s kind of funny, and gives a sense of authenticity to your profile as well. Notice that I’ve blanked out your work details.
This maybe obvious to some people, maybe not to others, but this is online dating and there are a lot of strange people out there. So never put down your work details. Protect yourself first.
You would never want someone to show up at your work unannounced or sabotage your job in any way.
Not to mention, whenever you give away personal details, it becomes very easy to find you and your other profiles on the internet.
Remember we are in the internet age.
I had a minor incident with a woman at a supermarket a few weeks ago and she gave me her first name and last name. From her name alone, I was able to find out her occupation, her family details, her email address and phone number on the internet.
So as a rule, don’t put down any personal details that would identify you in your dating profile. The added bonus to that is that there’s more mystery when you don’t reveal these personal details.
My belief is that if a piece of information doesn’t add value in any way to making a deeper connection with men, then you don’t need on your profile.
So for the most part, I would always recommend you as a woman to leave out not just what company you work for but your job description altogether.
Let there be some mystery. The value isn’t in the information. It’s in the connection and the emotional attraction, right?
Here’s my policy. Whenever a man asks you what you do for a living, don’t just volunteer the information.
Give them 3 guesses. Again the information isn’t the value. The connection you make is where the value is at.
Play a game, let them guess…
“What? You think I’m a nurse? Haha that’s funny. If I had to change bed pans for a living, Gosh… don’t get me started. I don’t know how any nurse does it.”
See, this is all about playful banter. Again, the connection and the playful banter is where the value is not the information itself.
Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.
So just to recap, the 3 things you as a woman should never put in your dating profile…
Number 1, what you own.
Number 2, what you can do for a man.
Number 3, any identifiable details.
Here’s the thing. You might be wondering what you should actually put into your bio. Because let’s face it, writing a decent bio is hard.
Writing an outstanding bio puts you in the legendary unicorn status.
So let me tell you this. You are doing extremely well if your profile can satisfy the following 3 requirements.
Your profile needs to stand out in a high value and memorable way so that it doesn’t just blend in with every other generic profile out there. (And yes there’s plenty of generic profiles out there.)
Your profile needs to create some level of intrigue, curiosity and mystery, so that you are able to draw men into your world.
And number 3
Your profile needs to have a few conversation bait so that it makes it easy for any man to deepen the conversation with you beyond the small talk.
In other words, this idea of conversation bait helps to create that conversation momentum necessary for any deeper connection to occur.
Most women make the mistake of thinking that the bio is about them. It’s not.
After all, a stranger on the internet isn’t going to care about you per se.
Instead, think of your bio as an extension of your playful personality. Don’t describe who you are, show who you are.
Now if you want to learn how you can craft the perfect bio for yourself and your dating profile, then I can help you.
In my testing of different types of bios, I’ve discovered that there are 3 different styles of bio that work best in online dating, especially for you as a woman.
After reading thousands of bios in the last several weeks, I have concluded that hands down these 3 styles are the best of the best.
So if you want your bio to be unique, high value and have it stand out from all the rest, then you need to be using one of these 3 styles.
Choose the one that suits you the best, and I can promise you great success to follow.
Now I will be sharing what these 3 styles are as well as the exact templates to use so that you can easily craft your own bio in my brand new program titled, “High Value Profile & Banter”.
It took me many hours to come up with these templates, and now you can easily write your own high value bio without breaking a sweat.
This program will be officially launching very soon, so keep your eyes peeled.
Oh, in case you haven’t attended my class on high value banter, here’s the link to the free class. High value banter is one of the most important skills you need in online dating because it’s going to help you create emotional attraction and romantic tension with men.
And without emotional attraction and romantic tension, your conversation will fizzle out sooner or later.
I want to invite you to attend this free class, to learn what these 3 rules are of high value banter.
CLICK here to attend my free class on “High Value Banter”
Alright that’s all for this article. Leave me a comment below and let me know what you think of Erin’s dating profile. What did you like and what could you have improved upon?
Once again Erin, I respect your courage and willingness to put yourself on the line. I hope this article has served you and I will speak to you very soon.
P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.
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David is the founder of Commitment Triggers & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with his wife Renee at The Feminine Woman, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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Great article David, and completely agree! I guess I must think like a man because everything you said were the thoughts that were running through my head!
Thank you for sharing this article David! So on point! Though I myself don’t have an online dating profile but I still devour these articles (and amazing class on high value banter btw! Big hit! Loved it!) …cuz I feel this advice applies still anyway even if you are texting on a phone or talking to a guy…in how you are framing the conversation and how you are sounding…and while reading I realised these are the very same 3 basics I might have learnt by assimilation while growing up in a social setting where “arranged marriages” (and sometimes dowry) was… Read more »
This article is aimed at making Erin feel low value (“not fantastic”) and making her feel she needs to spend money to become valuable.
Erin, you come across as high in value to me. It’s obvious you have a lot of love and affection to give, you even listed some examples. I hope men who appreciate acts of affection read your profile and reach out saying how sweet you seem