How to understand men? Well, there are 5 things every woman ought to know about men – 5 “fundamental truths”.
Not knowing these and not appreciating the importance of these, will mean a great deal of pain and suffering for you as a woman.
So in this article, you will discover what these 5 things are, and what they mean to you…
Now I don’t have to tell you, that men and women are inherently different… I mean, that’s obvious.
But listen, for most of us, it’s hard to even imagine what it would be like in the body of the opposite sex. We just have no idea, it’s incredibly foreign to us.
We can perhaps intellectually talk about it, but it’s very hard for us to have that bodily experience.
As such, it’s sometimes very hard for a woman to answer by herself, the question of “how to understand men?”
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Suffering through lack of understanding and appreciation.
And it’s through these incredible differences between the sexes that cause most of our suffering in dating & relationships.
Look, I’ve been guilty of this, a million times, so I’m not pointing the finger.
My role is to perhaps give you some insights on how to understand men so that you can feel more successful with men and also hopefully you won’t get stuck in a place that you don’t want to be.
Because I can tell you this, as a man, my intuitive thoughts, feelings and actions are most likely completely different to yours as a woman.
That’s not me being sexist, that’s just how it is because of our different biochemistry. Your biochemistry could be very similar to mine and we would share a lot of commonalities, but if you’re like the 80 to 90 per cent of all women in the world, that’s probably not the case.
Men’s & women’s different hormones have been shaping our brains since before Birth
You see, our biology dictates a lot more of our thoughts, feelings and behaviour than we give them credit for.
Our different sexual hormones have been shaping our brains since before we were born.
So by understanding these 5 fundamental truths about men, you are literally giving yourself an outstanding sense of confidence that you otherwise wouldn’t have.
Not to mention, the man that you choose to be with, will ultimately be grateful to you that you understand him.
Look, we all have different backgrounds and beliefs, and we all have a different idea of what an outstanding relationship is, but I can guarantee you this, every single man on earth would love to be with someone who gets him.
Someone who understands the the inherent struggles and challenges of a man. Someone who doesn’t go straight to judgement but rather stays patient and wants to understand.
Not to mention, you’ll become an infinitely more valuable woman to any man you’ll ever meet.
When you understand him, you will make him realize your value.
Here are the 5 “fundamental truths” every woman ought to know about how to understand men.
1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman
How a man treats you, is a direct reflection of the energy you’re putting out.
Now, just so you know, I’m not blaming you because someone was being a jerk to you.
Doesn’t matter which way you look at it, he was still a jerk.
But…
You have to be responsible for the energy you put out in to the world, because every single man will be picking up your energy and responding to it in their unique ways.
Sometimes I tell people, it’s not so much that he’s a jerk, he’s just a jerk to you.
Now, I know that doesn’t sound very nice, but listen…
Men will definitely show up as more of a jerk if you show up as a low value woman. They don’t always mean to be jerks, but they’re just acting out of their natural instinctive responses.
That doesn’t mean it’s your fault. But it’s always good to understand the effects of your energy upon other people.
At the same time, these “jerks” will show up completely differently if a high value woman was to walk by.
Just like yourself, I’m sure you can relate to this… sometimes you don’t mean to be a bitch, but in front of certain people, you just can’t help it. Right?
You’re simply responding to their energy.
Well, the energy you put out into the world matters, because men will always respond to your energy.
And this is especially true when you’re meeting and dating men.
Your energy will determine whether he would want to be with you long term, or if he only wants something more casual.
Which leads me to the next point.
2) It’s in every man’s nature to love commitment.
Look, it’s not that men are commitment phobic, even though they are.
Let me explain…
I can honestly and sincerely tell you that inside of every single man, is someone who would love to commit completely and deeply to one woman, even those who are extremely commitment phobic.
How can I say that?
Because all men have the neurology and biochemistry to commit. The act and the desire to commit is hardwired in men.
In fact, I would go as far as saying that, we are meant to be pair bonded and committed.
The problem is, most women don’t show up with the energy that inspires the man to commit deeper.
Think about it, how many times have we seen a man, who goes around dating different women never wanting to settle down, and one day… he meets the one and it’s all over? Right?
For a man who never wants to be in a long term relationship, he just can’t help but want to be in one.
It’s happened in the movie, crazy stupid love, love and other drugs, and many other movies because this theme is rather common in life.
Because all men have the hardwiring to want to commit, but they just need the right energy in front of them.
That’s where you come in. Here are 3 Reasons Why All Men Secretly Love to Commit.
So you might be wondering, what is this energy I’m talking about that inspires a man to want to commit? Well you’ll find the answer in our online commitment masterclass. Don’t worry, it’s completely free for you to attend.
Click here to attend our Commitment Masterclass.
3) Men chase 2 types of women, but only commit to one of these types.
Have you ever had the experience of having a man very interested in you initially, but at a certain point weeks or months into it, he suddenly goes cold? Like bam, he’s gone.
Here’s why…
Men automatically and subconsciously categorise women into two baskets. They do this, not because they’re manipulating bastards, but because both men and women inherently have two mating strategies.
For men, they’re either seeing you as his one and only, in which he will invest his energy and emotions in you, OR he will see you as one of many.
And there’s an astronomical difference between two categories.
You see, when a man sees you as one of many, he will still show a great deal of interest in you. He will pursue you, he will give you a great deal of attention.
Fantastic… Actually NO.
This is where a lot of women fall into a trap of actually thinking that this attention actually means something.
Here’s the difference between a man who is serious about you or JUST “interested”.
Unfortunately as one of many, all this man is interested in, is to get inside your panties. That’s why they usually disappear after having sex with you, or if they feel like they’re not going to get any sex any time soon.
This is an entirely sex driven pursuit and for the most part, it’s probably something you want to avoid, if you want a committed relationship.
However, if the man sees you as his one and only, he will still show interest in you, and pay you a great deal of attention, but there’s a lot more to it than that.
He will want to spend time with you, just for the sake of spending time with you. He will want to be emotionally invested in you, and for a man, that’s a big deal.
So how do you tell if he’s interested in you as his one and only? Or just one of many?
One thing you need to look for, are indicators of commitment. How much does he want to spend time with me just to spend time with me, without the end goal of having sex? That’s the question you have to ask.
Now you’re probably wondering, how do I get him to see me as his one and only? What do I have to do?
My wife has a good answer for you in her wildly popular “Becoming His One & Only” – 5 Secrets to Have Your Chosen Man Fall in Love with You and BEG You to be His One & Only”.
The answer to how you get him to see you as his one and only, is a concept I call high value vulnerability. We talk a lot more about this inside our program Commitment Control 2, if you want to check that out, I’m sure there’s a link somewhere.
But remember, men chase women for two reasons. But men only ever commit to a woman he perceives as his one and only type of woman.
If you want a committed relationship, that’s where you want to be.
4) Sex is a cheap commodity to a man.
If you are like most other women who are naturally feminine in your biology, then how you see sex is not how a man sees sex.
After all, you have the eggs, he’s got the sperm… which automatically creates problems…
An egg from a fertile woman fetches up to 30,000 dollars on the open market. One single egg that is. For men, a bucket load of sperm is still pretty much worthless.
So this difference in biology means that men see sex somewhat differently to women.
One of the biggest and most important insights you need to understand is that for a man, love and sex are two different and separate processes.
If you were to examine a feminine woman’s brain through an MRI scan, you’d see that the parts of her brain that lights up for sex is quite similar to the parts of her brain that lights up for love.
There’s a big over lap.
Whereas for most masculine men, the overlap is very small. In other words, the part of his brain that lights up when thinking about sex is very different to the parts of his brain thinking about love.
What does that mean for you? It means that men by default, separate love and sex.
Don’t ever assume that by having sex with a man, he will love you more. And don’t assume that if he loved you, he would have sex with you. These are two very different pathways for a man.
Think about the implications of this…
So we live in a world where sex is everywhere and very easily accessible. Any man with his paycheque in his pocket can have access to sex almost guaranteed. Any man with an internet connection can access the plethora of free porn that is floating above us in the clouds.
So to men, sex has become rather a commodity, it has become cheap.
The value of sex for the sake of sex, is rock bottom. Men may chase after sex, but they don’t value it. It doesn’t really mean anything to them.
This is one of the fundamental things you need to remember in your quest to answer the question of “how to understand men”.
So what does that mean to you as a woman?
Well, firstly, your value to a man is not that you can give him sex. But what is value to a man, then?
Which brings me to the last point.
5) Your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him. Your ultimate value and ultimate gift to a man is your energy.
Look, men’s lives are actually quite boring. The masculine energy is a dead energy. It’s not alive like the feminine.
You as a woman, can light up a man’s life infinitely more so than any of his projects, deadlines, world championships or ambitions to dominate the world. That is your gift.
That’s what men would trade everything in the world for.
It’s that spark of life, that they can never obtain from their masculine lives.
Because anything that lives in that masculine domain is emotionally dead.
A man may thrive in that environment and really feed off that sense of mission and achievement but nothing will compare it to that fire that a good woman can plant in his heart.
Your job is to plant that fire with your energy.
And once you do, nothing else will matter.
So just to recap. The 5 things you need to understand about men are…
1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman.
2) It’s in every man’s nature to love commitment.
3) Men chase 2 types of women, but only commit to one of these types.
4) Sex is a cheap commodity to a man.
5) Your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him. Your ultimate value and ultimate gift to a man is your energy.
Think about the implications of these 5 truths about men.
I hope this answered your questions on understanding men.
Think about how these affect your preconceived ideas about men, love and relationships.
Now we have a whole 2 week home study coaching course on understanding men. The program is literally called Understanding Men because we go deep into the psychology of men, so that you can understand and easily predict what your man is thinking and feeling.
This is usually the first program I recommend women take, because knowledge is power and knowledge in men is of course, power with men. And through the special exercises we’ve put together in this program, you too will have the understanding of men that most women never get.
As one of our existing members once mentioned, this is the training program that every woman needs to go through, she wished she had gone through the course 22 years earlier herself.
So now, I want you to do some reflection and leave a comment below to share with us…
What key ideas really resonated with you from this video?
How will these ideas affect your life and your interactions with men?
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Until next time, make sure you look after yourself, give yourself the resources you need so that you can show up as the high value high status woman you were meant to be.
P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.
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David is the founder of Commitment Triggers & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with his wife Renee at The Feminine Woman, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with his work through the social media links below.
I’ve just read your article, and in many ways I think it ‘clarifies’ what many women know but have a hard time accepting (i.e., sex for a woman often triggers emotion that doesn’t tie in with ‘reality’, and men can enjoy it freely with zero emotion). But unfortunately, this whole aspect can at times have both men and women feeling there’s a win/lose aspect to dating. Also, your article really resonates on how men, friends and lovers, respond to a woman’s energy all the time. But I have to ask myself lately … why is it that women are even… Read more »
Energy, huh? Fascinating… I shall share my online profile and let me know if there is anything I have not touched with everything you profess I don’t know yet… LOL… Giggles… Chuckles!!! Mind you, I am just merely portraying to my audience who I am and what I want in life. My challenge to many males is the following: ~~~ How about you? Do you truly know who you are and what you want in life? ~~~ “Hello Gentlemen. I am an alluring and confident young widow who is fairly comfortable in my own skin. Living a drama free life… Read more »
There are so many articles teaching women how to chase men, attarct men, get men. The things make women so vunerable is that women focus so much on men while men focus so much more on themselves, what they want and what they get. Just this article prove the case as the whole article is a man talking about what women can do for them. For us women to truly find what we want, which is love and security in a relationship. The first step is to stop trying to find that through a man. Imaging you’re in a relationship,… Read more »
i just cant understand men , i was dating to a guy that i meet in online and chat in a couple days ,then when we meet in person seems to be nice he often said he like being with me and he was happy and said he will comeback here in the Philippines again we had lot of fun when he was here ,I thought his ready for commitment but i was shock i still see him active in dating site i just dont get it!
I think the key thing was point 5. That your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him but your energy.
It explains so much about what I have seen. Men leave women who bring so much to them materially, who cook and clean and take care of them and end up with someone else who they seem to click with, someone who doesn’t do any of those things but still seems to makes them happy.
Its all about the energies matching, i guess.
Nice article for women…
How to let him be involved into my incredible energy if he’s completely wired to his job goals at the moment..? He always says he is being with me as soon as his “black period” ends… he has good reasons for that and his job is no joke. I don’t want to be perceived as impatient but I am afraid this will ruin things if he does not do something for us. It seems like an “all or nothing” matter and no single part of his energy can be used for anything else… and we are just at the beginning… Read more »
I would question about the 1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman.
How about the possibility that we as women, picking up man’s energy?
Hi David,
This is such a helpful article.
Thank you.
the women who are reading this shit are the women who aren’t going to find high value men anymore. maybe 10 or even 30 years ago it was still possible. nowadays, if you’re over 30, you’re really going to have a hard time finding someone you don’t feel like you’re settling for, though the truth is even that man is the one actually doing the settling.
usually when low quality women wake up from their ways it’s too little too late, just look at all the shit out there on the internet of women complaining.