How to understand men: 5 Things Every Woman Ought to Know About Men

How to understand men? Well, there are 5 things every woman ought to know about men – 5 “fundamental truths”.

Not knowing these and not appreciating the importance of these, will mean a great deal of pain and suffering for you as a woman.

So in this article, you will discover what these 5 things are, and what they mean to you…


Now I don’t have to tell you, that men and women are inherently different… I mean, that’s obvious.

But listen, for most of us, it’s hard to even imagine what it would be like in the body of the opposite sex. We just have no idea, it’s incredibly foreign to us.

We can perhaps intellectually talk about it, but it’s very hard for us to have that bodily experience.

As such, it’s sometimes very hard for a woman to answer by herself, the question of “how to understand men?”

Suffering through lack of understanding and appreciation.

And it’s through these incredible differences between the sexes that cause most of our suffering in dating & relationships.

Look, I’ve been guilty of this, a million times, so I’m not pointing the finger.

My role is to perhaps give you some insights on how to understand men so that you can feel more successful with men and also hopefully you won’t get stuck in a place that you don’t want to be.

Because I can tell you this, as a man, my intuitive thoughts, feelings and actions are most likely completely different to yours as a woman.

That’s not me being sexist, that’s just how it is because of our different biochemistry. Your biochemistry could be very similar to mine and we would share a lot of commonalities, but if you’re like the 80 to 90 per cent of all women in the world, that’s probably not the case.

CLICK HERE to discover how deeply feminine you actually are with my specially crafted 9 Question Quiz!

Men’s & women’s different hormones have been shaping our brains since before Birth

You see, our biology dictates a lot more of our thoughts, feelings and behaviour than we give them credit for.

Our different sexual hormones have been shaping our brains since before we were born.

So by understanding these 5 fundamental truths about men, you are literally giving yourself an outstanding sense of confidence that you otherwise wouldn’t have.

Not to mention, the man that you choose to be with, will ultimately be grateful to you that you understand him.

Look, we all have different backgrounds and beliefs, and we all have a different idea of what an outstanding relationship is, but I can guarantee you this, every single man on earth would love to be with someone who gets him.

Someone who understands the the inherent struggles and challenges of a man. Someone who doesn’t go straight to judgement but rather stays patient and wants to understand.

Not to mention, you’ll become an infinitely more valuable woman to any man you’ll ever meet.

When you understand him, you will make him realize your value.

Here are the 5 “fundamental truths” every woman ought to know about how to understand men.

Is your man serious about committing to you? CLICK HERE to find out with my specially crafted 8 Question Quiz!

1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman

How a man treats you, is a direct reflection of the energy you’re putting out.

Now, just so you know, I’m not blaming you because someone was being a jerk to you.

Doesn’t matter which way you look at it, he was still a jerk.


You have to be responsible for the energy you put out in to the world, because every single man will be picking up your energy and responding to it in their unique ways.

Sometimes I tell people, it’s not so much that he’s a jerk, he’s just a jerk to you.

Now, I know that doesn’t sound very nice, but listen…

Men will definitely show up as more of a jerk if you show up as a low value woman. They don’t always mean to be jerks, but they’re just acting out of their natural instinctive responses.

That doesn’t mean it’s your fault. But it’s always good to understand the effects of your energy upon other people.

At the same time, these “jerks” will show up completely differently if a high value woman was to walk by.

Just like yourself, I’m sure you can relate to this… sometimes you don’t mean to be a bitch, but in front of certain people, you just can’t help it. Right?

You’re simply responding to their energy.

Well, the energy you put out into the world matters, because men will always respond to your energy.

And this is especially true when you’re meeting and dating men.

Your energy will determine whether he would want to be with you long term, or if he only wants something more casual.

Which leads me to the next point.

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. CLICK HERE to find out what they are.

2) It’s in every man’s nature to love commitment.

Look, it’s not that men are commitment phobic, even though they are.

Let me explain…

I can honestly and sincerely tell you that inside of every single man, is someone who would love to commit completely and deeply to one woman, even those who are extremely commitment phobic.

How can I say that?

Because all men have the neurology and biochemistry to commit. The act and the desire to commit is hardwired in men.

In fact, I would go as far as saying that, we are meant to be pair bonded and committed.

The problem is, most women don’t show up with the energy that inspires the man to commit deeper.

Think about it, how many times have we seen a man, who goes around dating different women never wanting to settle down, and one day… he meets the one and it’s all over? Right?

For a man who never wants to be in a long term relationship, he just can’t help but want to be in one.

It’s happened in the movie, crazy stupid love, love and other drugs, and many other movies because this theme is rather common in life.

Because all men have the hardwiring to want to commit, but they just need the right energy in front of them.

That’s where you come in. Here are 3 Reasons Why All Men Secretly Love to Commit.

So you might be wondering, what is this energy I’m talking about that inspires a man to want to commit? Well you’ll find the answer in our online commitment masterclass. Don’t worry, it’s completely free for you to attend.

Click here to attend our Commitment Masterclass.

3) Men chase 2 types of women, but only commit to one of these types.

Have you ever had the experience of having a man very interested in you initially, but at a certain point weeks or months into it, he suddenly goes cold? Like bam, he’s gone.

Here’s why…

Men automatically and subconsciously categorise women into two baskets. They do this, not because they’re manipulating bastards, but because both men and women inherently have two mating strategies.

For men, they’re either seeing you as his one and only, in which he will invest his energy and emotions in you, OR he will see you as one of many.

And there’s an astronomical difference between two categories.

You see, when a man sees you as one of many, he will still show a great deal of interest in you. He will pursue you, he will give you a great deal of attention.

Fantastic… Actually NO.

This is where a lot of women fall into a trap of actually thinking that this attention actually means something.

Here’s the difference between a man who is serious about you or JUST “interested”.

Unfortunately as one of many, all this man is interested in, is to get inside your panties. That’s why they usually disappear after having sex with you, or if they feel like they’re not going to get any sex any time soon.

This is an entirely sex driven pursuit and for the most part, it’s probably something you want to avoid, if you want a committed relationship.

However, if the man sees you as his one and only, he will still show interest in you, and pay you a great deal of attention, but there’s a lot more to it than that.

He will want to spend time with you, just for the sake of spending time with you. He will want to be emotionally invested in you, and for a man, that’s a big deal.

So how do you tell if he’s interested in you as his one and only? Or just one of many?

One thing you need to look for, are indicators of commitment. How much does he want to spend time with me just to spend time with me, without the end goal of having sex? That’s the question you have to ask.

Now you’re probably wondering, how do I get him to see me as his one and only? What do I have to do?

My wife has a good answer for you in her wildly popular “Becoming His One & Only” – 5 Secrets to Have Your Chosen Man Fall in Love with You and BEG You to be His One & Only”.

The answer to how you get him to see you as his one and only, is a concept I call high value vulnerability. We talk a lot more about this inside our program Commitment Control 2, if you want to check that out, I’m sure there’s a link somewhere.

But remember, men chase women for two reasons. But men only ever commit to a woman he perceives as his one and only type of woman.

If you want a committed relationship, that’s where you want to be.

CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say!

4) Sex is a cheap commodity to a man.

If you are like most other women who are naturally feminine in your biology, then how you see sex is not how a man sees sex.

After all, you have the eggs, he’s got the sperm… which automatically creates problems…

An egg from a fertile woman fetches up to 30,000 dollars on the open market. One single egg that is. For men, a bucket load of sperm is still pretty much worthless.

So this difference in biology means that men see sex somewhat differently to women.

One of the biggest and most important insights you need to understand is that for a man, love and sex are two different and separate processes.

If you were to examine a feminine woman’s brain through an MRI scan, you’d see that the parts of her brain that lights up for sex is quite similar to the parts of her brain that lights up for love.

There’s a big over lap.

Whereas for most masculine men, the overlap is very small. In other words, the part of his brain that lights up when thinking about sex is very different to the parts of his brain thinking about love.

What does that mean for you? It means that men by default, separate love and sex.

Don’t ever assume that by having sex with a man, he will love you more. And don’t assume that if he loved you, he would have sex with you. These are two very different pathways for a man.

Think about the implications of this…

So we live in a world where sex is everywhere and very easily accessible. Any man with his paycheque in his pocket can have access to sex almost guaranteed. Any man with an internet connection can access the plethora of free porn that is floating above us in the clouds.

So to men, sex has become rather a commodity, it has become cheap.

The value of sex for the sake of sex, is rock bottom. Men may chase after sex, but they don’t value it. It doesn’t really mean anything to them.

This is one of the fundamental things you need to remember in your quest to answer the question of “how to understand men”.

So what does that mean to you as a woman?

Well, firstly, your value to a man is not that you can give him sex. But what is value to a man, then?

Which brings me to the last point.

CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.

5) Your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him. Your ultimate value and ultimate gift to a man is your energy.

Look, men’s lives are actually quite boring. The masculine energy is a dead energy. It’s not alive like the feminine.

You as a woman, can light up a man’s life infinitely more so than any of his projects, deadlines, world championships or ambitions to dominate the world. That is your gift.

That’s what men would trade everything in the world for.

It’s that spark of life, that they can never obtain from their masculine lives.

Because anything that lives in that masculine domain is emotionally dead.

A man may thrive in that environment and really feed off that sense of mission and achievement but nothing will compare it to that fire that a good woman can plant in his heart.

Your job is to plant that fire with your energy.

And once you do, nothing else will matter.

high value women group

So just to recap. The 5 things you need to understand about men are…

1) Men are always responding to your energy as a woman.

2) It’s in every man’s nature to love commitment.

3) Men chase 2 types of women, but only commit to one of these types.

4) Sex is a cheap commodity to a man.

5) Your ultimate value to a man is not what you can do for him. Your ultimate value and ultimate gift to a man is your energy.

Think about the implications of these 5 truths about men.

I hope this answered your questions on understanding men.

Think about how these affect your preconceived ideas about men, love and relationships.

Now we have a whole 2 week home study coaching course on understanding men. The program is literally called Understanding Men because we go deep into the psychology of men, so that you can understand and easily predict what your man is thinking and feeling.

This is usually the first program I recommend women take, because knowledge is power and knowledge in men is of course, power with men. And through the special exercises we’ve put together in this program, you too will have the understanding of men that most women never get.

As one of our existing members once mentioned, this is the training program that every woman needs to go through, she wished she had gone through the course 22 years earlier herself.

So now, I want you to do some reflection and leave a comment below to share with us…

What key ideas really resonated with you from this video?

How will these ideas affect your life and your interactions with men?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time, make sure you look after yourself, give yourself the resources you need so that you can show up as the high value high status woman you were meant to be.

D. Shen Commitment Triggers

P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.

By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.

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Amy M
Amy M

Hello David, I really enjoyed the article. I dated a few men that would just have sex and then I would only see him when he wanted that again. I just started dating a guy who is not divorced yet but is trying to finalize it and I get the warm fuzzy feeling around him and the first time we had sex he spent the night and wants to just hold me. He tells me that its not fair for me to have to deal with the drama of divorce which I have been thru myself. I want to learn… Read more »


Hi David, It is amazingly creative and inspiring what you and your wife Renee have been doing for the readers. Plus, bold and straightforward approach that people normally feel afraid to start up first.
I’ve read through most of your articles and others comments as well, everything seems connected together and compliment to your works eventually! I’m certain I’m going to be here’s a big fan!
Keep your works and always back up your website getting being famed!!

Thanks a lot!



I am having problems with this statement: ‘At the same time, these “jerks” will show up completely differently if a high value woman was to walk by.’ I have high value for some men, but there have been other men who have been complete jerks to me and respectful towards others. Isn’t it more the truth that men define “high value” based on the qualities they cherish in a woman and that this is different for every man?


At the beginning of this year I did a vision board and had the strongest feeling of wanting to be “in love” again. Within two weeks, when i came to Hawai’i, I fell in love with a guy who I had been loosely texting for over a year. (5 texts in 12 months; 2 phone calls. He had been forthcoming in offering ideas where I could hike, swim and go camping. I did not sense any attraction from him, nor was I assuming or even thinking of anything happening between us.) I believe he did fall in love with my… Read more »


Hi David I was practising, being feminine, assertive, vulnerable and really being conscientious and then the guy I was dating went to go visit his ex on the time he and I had our date. So was he responding to my energy even though I had been practising good/ feminine energy (etc)? Could it also just be that sometimes two people are not right for eachother? Or you believe I could turn any guy into my one if I acted stayed in this energy? Also sometimes us women also have a moment of anger or upset, it’s not easy to… Read more »


Hi David! I am from Russia and have been reading your and Renees input with big interest. I really appreciate what you have to offer and it’s all very relevant in the russian society. I was married to an amazing american man for 10 years who died accidently an 1,5 years ago and today am struggling in a dating world to meet another great man. Re your point that man always respond to woman’s energy: so true indeed. I got through a very hearbreaking situation this year when a man who i happened to fall in love and then lost… Read more »


Do men need to be accountable to other men for integrity and discernment? I like a particular man and believe he has a good heart, but he works with some trashy people in the construction trade and I want him to be a little more discerning without trying to change him.

Kelly Beach
Kelly Beach

Hello David! I just started reading the articles of you and your wife’s teachings that I found on the web. I have been reading so many for weeks now! But then it cost money for the knowledge meat. I have been divorced from a 16 year marriage since 1994, because my ex husband wouldnt stop chasing women and had multiple affairs with them. I stopped our sexual relationship because he was too brutal with me sexually and also kept passing STI’s to me from all these women, which eventually got bad enough and caused many pelvic complications and damage that… Read more »

Missez Joō Valcin
Missez Joō Valcin

I am SOOO proud to have Known this before Most women as I LOVE to do research on relationships AND gender differences so I can share my discoveries with my entourage. I just LOVE knowledge. Can’twait for your next video David!!! 😀


Ilove your aricle. So being vulnerable is sharing my emotions sharing authentically?

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