My Dearest Lover and Best Friend

In every long term relationship…

You are moving in either one of two directions…

Down one road, you aim to get along, do the right things and avoid arguments.

You subconsciously become like each other. You as a couple, become more and more similar.

If you are successful, you become best of friends.

But there is a price to pay to come down this road… as there always is.
Eventually you become numb to the passion.

And if you don’t turn around now, you and your lover will eventually become dead inside.

My Dearest Lover and Best Friend

You have another choice though.

Down the second road… you get to keep the passion. You get to keep that aliveness.

But that means you don’t always get along.

The relationship does not always seem so stable.

But the real price to pay – you will definitely have fights, a lot of fights.

It will cause you and your lover tremendous stress from time to time. It will cause massive interruptions and disruptions to almost every single part of your life.

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And at times you will feel like you might even lose your lover.

In every interaction and every decision you make, Everything you do, say or focus on, it is taking you down one of these roads.

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My question to you is…

Which road are you going down?

Which direction is actually going to add most value to you and your lover?

And would you rather your lover be dead inside…

Or have the passion and excitement – but also the possibility of losing them?

D. Shen Commitment Triggers

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Very good read. Beautiful and true. People sometimes use one another as a cover to stop exploring and they die a little more inside. Passion is life and life is passion. Thank you for writing

Pooja Pophale
Pooja Pophale

Thank you David.That’s why between gender equality and sexual polarity;I choose polarity.

J.a. Ct
J.a. Ct

The fighting suggested in this video is due to growth or lack of it. This is why it is important that both people are afforded the space to grow individually and as a couple. If one person grows without the other sans effort, the relationship is dead.

“Situations do not change, we change”- Henry David Thoreau


Why dont you write a bigger post on this subject?i think this is the most important element on a relationship:polarity!!!i have to give a real life example,to avoid at any cost!!!
-the couple has been together for 20 years
-the man is masculine
-the woman has nothing feminine on her appearance or her behaviour(masculine voice,masculine laugh,hair and clothes “just out of bed” all the time)
-the woman follows everywhere!
-the man starts cheating emotionally and physically
-the woman starts to stalk and control
-the man feels trapped
-and so on……


I watched it twice and it deeply get into my mind.
I know you meant keeping passion is very challenging but worth it, right?
Thanks David! I will keep going on.:)


Honestly, I believe both options are needed in a relationship. Because, when things get difficult both people have to be able to work together and a best friend is great for that. I say this while also keeping mind the wounds of a friend are faithful. Leading to the other side of the road. Sometimes you’ll both have to be blatantly honest and raw. That is where the passion grows each time a couple shows polarity. One last thing I’ll add, in a relationship it’s not how many goods times vs bad times. It’s how a couple fights that makes… Read more »

Marsha Williams
Marsha Williams

It is always harder to be brave, but the payoff is perportional to the risk of choosing to sail into uncharted waters, rough seas, and no guarantees!


I don’t agree with this video, I don’t think a healthy relationship thrives on instability, insecurity and fear. Sounds like a recipe for disaster or a toxic relationship. Just because you grow together and learn how to get along doesn’t mean that you can’t challenge each other by continuing to expand your mind, interests and passions, bringing excitement and passion to each other in healthy ways.


I’d also like to add, and echo Shirohato, being respectfully raw and honest, showing up authentically creates passion as well. There will always be conflict in a healthy relationship but it’s HOW a couple fights that determines the quality of the relationship. Not saying this guy doesn’t have good advice in other areas but at least with this one, if you want really good, well researched information on what it takes for a relationship to go the long haul and stay healthy, I’d recommend The Gottman Method.

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