I’ve been seeing this question quite often lately in our Facebook group, so it’s time to address it.
Obviously I can imagine there are two types of women asking this specific question. Type one, you’ve been speaking to a man for a while and he hasn’t asked you out, (…and so you’re wondering when or what it is going to take for him to take that step.)
Secondly, you may just want to get some assurance and “standardised normals” so that you don’t go on chasing fairytales or have unreasonable expectations of a man.
(… Or just to squash the fears that perhaps you are an abnormally unattractive woman who no man is really interested in.)
Look here’s the truth…
There is no such thing as a “normal” period of time before a man asks you out.
I’ve seen men asking women out within the first 2 minutes of an online conversation, and I’ve seen men being forever pen pals and never initiate a real life meeting let alone a date.
Now, I know neither extreme is exactly desirable.
After all, this isn’t the “how quickly can I get asked out” championships.
The man who asks you out within the first 2 minutes of an online conversation may be trying to love-bomb you. (For the most part, it’s just too quick. It can be sometimes an attempt to bypass some important stages of the relationship building process.)
After all, I’m sure you’re not THAT desperate for a date with just ANY man right?
You as a feminine soul, would really want to weed the wrong types of men out first, otherwise you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment.
Trust me, you’d feel infinitely more abundant if you had one date with a high quality man than 100 dates with low quality men.
This is also why it can be a really bad idea to do “rotational dating” too much as a woman.
In fact, my wife has a popular article on the 8 shocking reasons why rotational dating can actually be low value. Read that article here.
Don’t worry about how long it takes… focus on this.
So I am sorry I can’t give you any certainty in the measurement of time.
However, I can do something even better. Allow me to help you ask a better question. (Because there are no real good answers to a bad question.)
Instead of measuring time, let’s measure something a bit more elusive and intangible, (but worthy of measuring.)
Let’s attempt to measure emotional attraction and emotional connection.
So instead of asking “how long does it usually take for a man to ask a woman out?”, let’s ask ourselves…
“How’s the emotional connection and emotional attraction going in the relationship between you and the man? What can you do in order to cultivate more of these 2 elements and naturally inspire him to ask you out?”
These are much harder questions for you to answer, but they will yield you infinitely better results.
To answer these questions require you to have awareness, understanding and some skills in attraction and connection.
They require you to become better, to understand deeper, to get out of yourself and tap into a different part of you.
In order to gauge the level of emotional attraction and connection in your interactions, you have learn to test. You have to learn to stay attuned and feel for where things are going.
That requires sensitivity.
That requires you to put your overthinking mind aside, and trust in the process. That sometimes requires you to feel for the man’s emotions more than indulging in your own circles of thoughts.
What if he isn’t asking me out?
That could mean a few things…
Perhaps this man isn’t really interested in you. Either cultivate more emotional attraction and emotional connection or just weed him out.
Welcome the “NEXT”.
Perhaps this man doesn’t feel enough “spark” to directly ask you out yet. Your job is still to cultivate more emotional attraction and emotional connection
Perhaps this man is stringing you along and never had the intention of dating you… then in your attempt to cultivate more emotional attraction and emotional connection, things will inevitably stall. Then you’ll realise that it’s time to weed him out.
Perhaps this man is super shy and introverted…
Then it becomes easy for him to come out of his shell when you start to cultivate the only two things that really matter.
Because it doesn’t matter how shy someone is, real emotional attraction hijacks the brain.
The point here is, it all comes down to cultivating more emotional attraction and emotional connection whilst testing to see where the “relationship” is at. Nothing else really matters.
Ironically the way you do both of these tasks is through the same strategy.
The strategy is what I call the “dark feminine art” of banter.
I won’t tell you anymore about this, if you haven’t attended my class on this, CLICK here to do so. It’s free for now.
Is it OK for a woman to ask a man out?
In fact, if you can do this in a high value way, then asking a man out could be very effective.
But there’s a pretty damn big caveat on this… If you ask a man out in a low value way, then I think I might just have to look the other way…
I’m sure you know this intuitively…
Asking someone out is inherently risky. It exposes you, your sign of interest and your intent. Therefore so many single women refuse to take on that risk.
Why take unnecessary risk and potentially get rejected and hurt?
(Then they typically use some silly justification about how men should always do the chasing, because they’re the hunters or how sperm swims to the egg…)
I don’t want to burst their bubble but plenty of women hunted for eons throughout different tribes around the world, and the egg also comes down to meet the sperm…
Here’s a great article by my wife on how you can not just get men to chase you, but to actually value you and emotionally invest in you.
Look, when you start doing what really matters… ie cultivating emotional attraction and emotional connection, then no one is chasing anyone else. It’s no longer a chase.
It’s mutual chemistry, not a game of tag.
Let me tell you, if you show up as an intrinsically high value individual, and you are able to truly cultivate emotional attraction, then it wouldn’t at all matter who asks who out.
Because there would be virtually NO RISK involved.
Because it benefits both you and the man.
Asking a man out is only risky and low value when you’re not attuned to the stage of the relationship and the amount of emotional attraction and connection between you and him.
So go and learn the art of building emotional attraction and emotional connection. That’s your starting point.
How Long Should I Wait for Him to Ask Me Out Again after a date?
Let’s assume you’ve just had your first date with a man and wondering when should you expect him to ask you out again for date number two.
Guess what I’m going to tell you…?
It comes down to how much emotional attraction and emotional connection you established on date number 1.
If you did a good job, then date two would have been booked in before date one even finished. That’s common.
In fact, go check out our case study with our lovely member Kristin, this is exactly what happened to her…Kristin’s story is right here.
Otherwise “anything goes”.
In other words, there is no guarantee that any man will ask for a second date. Why would he spend the time, energy and the money when there are no compelling emotional reasons for him to do so?
And what’s the point of dating if there is no chemistry?
Can you really “bore” someone into a relationship with you?
Again, the name of the game is emotional attraction and emotional connection. If the man doesn’t “play along”, then he’s gone.
So here’s what I urge you to do…
I don’t care if you don’t have a clue how relationships work, or how attraction is developed, or what kind of boundaries you should have when it comes to men…
Start by enrolling in my free class on the dark feminine art of banter. Study it thoroughly. Apply it even if it’s uncomfortable and feels foreign to you.
This alone will give you so many answers you never realised you needed.
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
David is the founder of Commitment Triggers & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with his wife Renee at The Feminine Woman, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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