How Many Women Does An Average Man Chat With On Dating Apps?

Go ahead, take a guess… 1.3? 5.2?

Perhaps 14.2? Or 27.9?

The real unnerving truth here is that the average man on dating apps would try to chat up AS many women as he could possibly manage.

That’s right.

As MANY as he could manage. Now before you think… all men are PIGS, consider this…

Men have a completely different experience to women when it comes to online dating apps. Women typically get a 40+% match rate if she was below average looking. Most men would be pushing their luck to get a 10% match rate if he was above average looking.

How Many Women Is The Average Man Chatting Up On Dating Apps?

So this huge discrepancy intuitively makes most men realise that they have no choice but to play the numbers game. Otherwise they would never have any matches.

On top of all of that, remember that men produce typically 300 million sperm per day (even on weekends and public holidays). So having extra women in his life is never a bad thing. (This is often difficult for women to relate to, because one egg a month vs 300 million sperm per day is completely night and day.)

So all these truths result in the fact that most men would HAVE to play the numbers game online. If they didn’t, they would have no real chance of getting decent matches, let alone starting exciting conversations or setting up real life dates.

So as a woman, you should always assume that the man you’re speaking to online, is also speaking to other women. That’s just how it is.

Knowing that fact, now let me deliver you some good news and some bad news.

What do you want first?

OK… The bad news is that you can’t at all control who he talks to or how many women he’s talking to. Thats just the truth. You will never really have 100% control over that anyway, so let’s not put our focus there.

Because ultimately even in the rare event that he’s NOT talking to any other woman, doesn’t mean he wants to be in a relationship with you, right?

So for arguments sake, let’s just assume that every single man you’re interested in is talking to other women, several of them. He has absolutely no pressure to invest in any one woman in particular, right?

By default, he’s going to view you as one of many. (That’s how men operate… I mean, what would you do with 300 million excess sperm per day?)

Also because he doesn’t know you. Because he hasn’t connected deeply with you yet. Because there is no reason or deeper inspiration for him to act any differently.

Again, this comes back to a concept that Renee and I teach all the time, that men will always subconsciously categorise women into one of two baskets. He either sees you as his one and only or one of many.

When we talk about the platform of online dating, basically every woman starts off as the one of many.

Every woman starts off as– just a random profile, some pictures on a digital device.

Every new match online starts off at level 0, which means two strangers with no emotional connection at all.

So if nothing compels a man to put you into his one and only category, then you’re going to be inevitably thrown into the category of one of many. That’s just how it is. (And it’s SUPER easy to do that with dating apps!)

So your job is to do whatever you can to become your chosen man’s one and only, and ideally do it quickly.

This is where I shamelessly pitch Renee’s BHOO DVD. If you want a copy for free, leave a comment below or head over to to get a copy for yourself for free. No strings attached and we even have an online version for you in case you don’t have a DVD player.
(I mean seriously, what kind of technological neanderthal has a DVD player these days? I’m just kidding.)

Anyhow, back to my point. You cannot control what men do, no matter how interested you are in him.

But here’s the good news. You can control how YOU interact with men online. You can interact in a boring, predictable and lackluster way, or you can interact in a way that makes him fascinated, intrigued and amazed at who are you.

This is completely in your control.

The only way for a man to give up all his other options is for you to become his one and only. That’s it. And to become his one and only, you need to have the ability to create romantic tension and emotional attraction in your conversations.

So that’s where your focus should be.

You want him to be the most excited when he’s messaging you over other women, that’s how you separate yourself from the others. Because ultimately it comes down to the basic two things that drive all relationships forward.

Emotional attraction and connection. That’s it.

But hey, I want you to also read my article on- Does High Value Banter Work On Every Single Man?

So moving on, I want you to always assume that every man you’re talking to online is speaking to multiple other women, and the only thing that is going to separate you and these other women, is your ability to establish that emotional attraction and connection.

Here’s what’s interesting.

The skill and the ability to do this is something that you can acquire. This has nothing to do with how attractive you are, how much you have achieved or how good your bikini body is.

You either have this skill or you don’t. You either learn his skill or you don’t.

I’ve coined this skill, “High Value Banter”. And that’s what I would love to teach you more of.

You can attend my free class on “High Value Banter” by clicking the link below.

YES, I want to attend the “High Value Banter” class!

So remember, one of the most important elements that will help you succeed in online dating is your ability to communicate with men in a way that creates romantic tension and emotional attraction.

You want to have the skill of connecting online in a high value way that cultivates intrigue, fascination and excitement rather than how most conversations online end up- stale, boring and generally pretty sad… like that week-old peanut butter sandwich at the back of the fridge.

This is exactly why I’ve put together this free “High Value Banter” class.

I wanted to show you the 3 rules for high value banter to help you create romantic tension and emotional attraction with men online and take you from being just another awkward stranger to the most interesting, mysterious and exciting woman he has ever spoken to.

Again, to enroll in this free class, go to this link. 

Do you know the dark art of “High Value Banter” that helps you quickly weed out the wrong types of men and create emotional attraction with the “BEST of MEN”? CLICK HERE to learn how in this free class.

Here are some initial feedback we’ve received once women started to implement “High Value Banter”…

By the way, if you don’t learn this important skill, online dating will never work for you. Period. Just get off of those apps now, because it’s going to waste your time, energy and most importantly, your self esteem.

If you cannot create the romantic tension and emotional attraction in your interactions online with a man, then those conversations will never lead to anything more.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with not doing online dating, just so you know. But if you were to do it, do it well. Otherwise you will ultimately and inevitably pay the price in how you feel about yourself.

D. Shen Commitment Triggers

P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.

By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.

P.P.S. I encourage you to read on these related articles as well. I’m sure you’ll find these are nuggets of wisdom!

3 Things Women Should Never Put in Her Dating Profile Bio

3 Mistakes Women Routinely Make on Bumble (Low Value and Boring

The 1 Giant Red Flag All Women Routinely Fall For In Online Dating

5 Most Common Mistakes Women Make in Online Dating…

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The cruelness felt by being ghosted over and over and over again by guys online has close to destroyed what is left of my self-esteem you are right! It is very ironic to me that it is necessary to poke fun at someone to build a connection. I really wish I could go to school to be a psychologist, I’m Blown Away by Society every single day!


Excellent! I believe Renee is right… you really are a good teacher in the work you are putting out into the world at large. Generating compassion and having empathy comes naturally for me personally, so can instantly connect to all key points wrote here. In my female my body, I would certainly feel ‘a power struggle’ over the man needing so many options. Knowing all of what I have learned over the last ten years plus, it’s easy to understand psychologically, the reason why men behave the way they do. I have done my own social experiments on dating websites… Read more »


The good news is that most men receive almost no attention from women and women can win men over with comparatively tiny amounts of effort. The bad news is that due to having to never make an effort (or being encouraged not to by society) most women have absolutely ZERO game.

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