Let me start by saying something important…
If there was no mystery in the dating phases of a relationship, then the interactions become stale very quickly.
…And how quickly or effectively can you bore someone into a relationship with you?
You know the answer.
You simply can’t bore someone into a relationship with you.
So a sense of mystery is critical. What that really means for you is that men will never get enough of you.
They will be compelled to be around you and be mesmerised by your presence.
There’s a sense of positive anticipation by being around you.
If there was no sense of mystery in a long term committed relationship, then inevitably boredom and the law of familiarity creep in.
(Albeit it’s not nearly as important as the early stages of a relationship, it is still important for you to value mystery even when you’ve been married 30 years.)
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Boring women don’t get far!
Personally I’ve met girls who have been flat (personality wise) and completely one dimensional, even though they were physically attractive.
Like a dish that looked good on the menu but tasted completely bland and the flavour profile wasn’t quite balanced. (…It doesn’t matter how expensive the ingredients were, like white truffles on lobster, it’s just not a good dish overall.)
As a man, I can tell you that this is such a let down, such a disappointment.
Being physically attractive is “nice”, but it certainly won’t get you past a certain point.
I can honestly and sincerely speak for a lot of men when I say I would rather a woman be completely average looking but had an intact sense of mystery and feminine allure than a woman who is out of the world good looking yet boring as a doorknob.
At the end of the day, mystery and feminine allure, these are points of value. In other words, these traits add great value to a new relationship or an existing relationship.
On the topic of value, my beautiful wife has written a stellar article on How To Make Him Chase You and Value You (High Value Women Secrets). Read the article here.
So in this article, let’s explore the 3 important ways that you too can become a woman of mystery and feminine allure.
How to be mysterious & attractive to a guy without playing games
I feel like I have to say this… (as a disclaimer.)
Being naturally mysterious isn’t about playing mind games. So don’t ever feel like you have to play games. You don’t!
Playing mind games, especially in dating is one of the stupidest things you could do.
Why?
Because all of us have our bullshit radar on.
Because by consciously trying to be “fake”, you inspire the “fakeness” in others a thousand fold.
Because as the cool kids would say, play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”
The cool kids…
You will never find yourself in a genuine, committed and loving relationship when you lead with “fakeness”.
So I would suggest that you don’t focus on being mysterious or having some mystical sense of feminine allure, but rather focus on the 3 keys I’m about to explain to you.
Being a mysterious woman is a byproduct of your value to men, it’s an effect.
So remember don’t force it.
I can promise you that as long as you follow and focus on the 3 steps in this article, you will naturally become more mysterious to men without trying.
Using my feminine allure to attract men?
The topic of femininity and feminine energy is a big one.
There are so many myths and misconceptions out on the internet.
Personally, just between you and me, I would rather you didn’t focus on the idea of feminine for now. It’s not worth your time right this moment.
I wrote a post on why people should stop bastardising the framework of masculine versus feminine. You can read it by CLICKING here.
Or see my article on what feminine radiance is and how you can tap into your own source of radiance.
What you need to know for now is that you will naturally have more feminine allure once you learn what value truly is to men and how to add value to men.
Because that is going to give you confidence and esteem in yourself and your approach.
In turn you will feel more relaxed, and suddenly that feminine allure comes through. There’s literally nothing else you need to do.
Chances are, you are feminine deep in your core because of your biology. You don’t need to do anything to “be feminine”, you just have to relax into it.
So for the time being, focus on the three steps I am going to teach you in this article, let’s get started.
Being a mysterious woman step 1. Be multidimensional.
What does that really mean?
It means to have access to and tapping into all the different parts of you.
Yes, I mean the nice parts of you, and the crazy parts. I mean the jokester in you as well as the serious parts.
I mean the business woman inside of you as well as the carefree hippie. I mean the mean bitch inside of you as well as the nurturing soul.
(It’s OK to be a bitch, it really is!)
It’s OK to burst out crying and laugh in the same moment. It’s OK to do and be all the things you parents told you you couldn’t do or be.
If you looked deeper, you could probably find a dozen different parts of you, always fighting for your attention.
All these different parts of you make up the whole of you. You are not just one of these parts, you are all of them. (Even though you may have given preferential treatment to some of these parts and ignored the others!)
Here’s the truth…
Every single part of you has value to offer in the right context.
Every part of you has value
The moment you are able to integrate these different parts of you together without making certain parts wrong, then you will have a power that most women don’t.
You will never ever be boring under any circumstance because there is so many different parts of you to tap into at any given moment.
It’s the women who can only be one aspect of themselves who are easy to get bored of.
We talk a lot about the idea of being multidimensional in our High Value Mindsets program. You can find out more about it by CLICKING here.
(The promise of this program is to give you the ability to “trade in” your anxiety and insecurities for self esteem, self worth and intrinsic confidence, so that no one will ever take you for granted & high value men will recognise you as an indispensable “keeper”.)
Also remember that when you’re able to tap into the different parts of yourself, you will become infinitely more spontaneous because you would have let go of all the rules you have about how you should behave.
Screw the rules.
You’re much more than the rules.
That in itself makes you mysterious and alluring.
Being a mysterious woman step 2. Don’t stay stagnant, grow.
You are never the same person you were yesterday or yesteryear.
You are not a static being.
So don’t stay stagnant in your life. Make it a habit to grow.
Turn off the TV, read a book. Turn off Netflix and listen to an interview.
Swap your music on your commute for something more enlightening.
No need to watch repeats of “The Office” and instead learn about the important aspects of life that you don’t know much about (…yet these aspects have a huge influence over your life ie. money, taxes, health, fitness, relationships…)
When you grow, you have more to bring to the table.
When you grow, you have a deeper appreciation for the world (and people) around you.
When you grow, you have more value to offer every single person around you.
Don’t be like the aunty or uncle who tells the same story every Christmas. (Alright I’m kidding, that can be somewhat endearing.)
But it would be much better if you took it upon yourself to grow and bring different types of value to the table.
Yes, it takes energy and time to grow, to deepen and to become more, but isn’t that what life is about?
Remember this, the more value your cultivate within yourself, the more value you have to everyone else. The more you appreciate your value, the more your value appreciates.
Being a mysterious woman step 3. Banter often.
If you know my work, you’d know that I like my banter.
Not only is banter super important at the start of any relationship, it is also critical after you’ve been married for decades.
Here’s an article by my wife and I on how to banter with men.
Let me ask you a simple question…
What’s the worse thing that could happen at the start of a relationship?
Being boring, that’s what.
The antidote to being boring is to use playful banter.
Not only that, playful banter is the precursor or prerequisite to emotional attraction. Without it, your relationship ain’t going far.
I can promise you that.
However when you stay attuned and banter well, there will naturally be a sense of mystery and positive anticipation between you and your man.
Because by nature, banter is a spontaneous act. In order to do it well, you go with the flow and you stay attuned.
The magic of spontaneity
So by practicing your banter, it helps you to practice spontaneity.
There is absolute magic in spontaneity, simply because there is no certainty in it.
Anything goes.
…And that brings excitement to the table.
I banter all the time with my beautiful wife Renee, and we’ve been together over 15 years. I banter with my kids, so that they can grow up comfortable in the art of banter.
(Even my 4 year old stated the other day… ‘Dad is so funny, he jokes a lot.’)
Banter can bring so much joy to everyone around you, and I highly recommend you learn it.
If you want to learn the art of banter, take a moment to attend my “High Value Banter” class, where I will personally teach you the 3 rules you need in order to do it right.
CLICK here to attend my “High Value Banter” class, it’s free.
By the way if you don’t feel comfortable bantering, great! Make it an absolute must to practice it.
Don’t be a wuss, and don’t think it won’t work for you. It will. Trust me.
Anything new is going to feel uncomfortable. Derrrr! I get it, you may not feel comfortable right now.
But can I tell you a secret?
Promise you won’t tell anyone?
Well, I didn’t know how to ride a bike until I was 25.
So growing up everyone looked at me like a dumbass, so much that I looked at myself as a dumbass. So I understand not “getting” something.
But you should see the smile when I finally learned… (at the tender age of 25.)
That is the kind of smile you’ll have once you discern the power of banter for the first time!
How to be mysterious in a long term relationship when you live together.
I recently received a question in our Facebook group about keeping the mystery in a long term relationship…
“…this is off topic, but since you’re talking about your classes, I’ve been meaning to ask if you have any classes for married people. Like how to keep the magic alive after many years together. My hubs and I are more in love than when we married, but he knows me too well! He’s heard every story I have to tell and knows everything that’s ever happened to me. I want to regain some mystery and intrigue, but it’s difficult when you live together. Any ideas for a boring old married lady?”
Great question.
It’s true that when two people spend a lot of time together, the law of familiarity creeps in.
That’s not a bad thing. I think we ought to appreciate it first. The law of familiarity also helps to deepen the connection, love and trust between two people.
(So it’s not all bad!)
At the same time, know that we also need to prioritise variety.
Ultimately it’s about balancing our need for certainty and our need for variety. If you lean too far one way, it becomes boring, if you lean too far the other way, there’s no enough stability.
But it’s your job to take your relationship in both directions just to find a good balance that is right for you.
To bring back the magic after being together and living together for so many years, make your focus be on the three keys I’ve shared in this article.
Sometimes it takes a very conscious effort to snap yourself out of an existing routine and create the momentum for something different.
Perhaps it means to sleep in different beds for a while, or make space for different habitual emotions to surface.
Renee has written about this topic too, you can find her post by CLICKING here. (How to be a mysterious woman.)
So what do I do next?
Alright, you’ve made it this far.
The biggest takeaway from this article for you would be that you shouldn’t focus on being mysterious per se. But rather focus on the 3 things I covered above.
Learn to be multidimensional without ignoring certain parts of you that you may not like, make it a habit to grow as a woman, as a human being, and lastly learn to banter.
If you can focus on these 3 key factors, I can promise you that you will never have issues being mysterious.
What that really means for you is that men will never get enough of you.
They will be compelled to be around you and be mesmerised by your presence.
But remember ultimately, being mysterious is an effect, and the causes are the three keys I outlined for you in this article.
Make sense?
Now, if you want to continue your education, (which I highly recommend), then check out these 2 courses…
CLICK here to learn about our Understanding Men course.
(The promise of this course is for you discover the secrets of the masculine perspective so that you can get through to any man, connect with him heart to heart, and inspire his deepest loyalty and commitment.)
CLICK here to learn about our High Value Mindsets course.
(The promise of this program is to give you the ability to “trade in” your anxiety and insecurities for self esteem, self worth and intrinsic confidence, so that no one will ever take you for granted & high value men will recognise you as an indispensable “keeper”.)
Don’t forget also to enrol in my free “High Value Banter” class by CLICKING here.
That’s all from me.
Sending you love.
P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.
If you want to be supported by a warm community of high value feminine women, then join our Facebook Group. (It’s free and so incredibly valuable!) CLICK HERE TO join thousands of other women in our “High Value Feminine Women” Community.
By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.
- Here’s my Youtube Channel Commitment Triggers.
- Here’s My Official Facebook page…
- Here’s my Instagram Page Mr_D_Shen
David is the founder of Commitment Triggers & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with his wife Renee at The Feminine Woman, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with his work through the social media links below.
Wicked article! Abcerlutly love this…
When I think of key point number 1) Phobe from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, springs to mind.
She is very contradictory; very Street smart, but equally ditsy.
Have realised why I like being single so much at this point in time, it’s because for the life of me, I can’t be so easily magnetised in society standards of living.
As for the bantering, thinking, next level up in personal development. Will be going through all the programmes in due course.
P.s. well-done on the bike riding ❤
Great article and I think the same rules apply to men. I’ve dated a couple of men who were really boring, never joked and who were flat emotionally. Did not last long.