Men Don’t Fall in Love with Perfect Women

Did you ever watch that movie back in the 90’s with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts – Pretty Woman? (If you haven’t, it’s definitely worth your time)

If you have seen it… then let me ask you a simple question.

Why (or more specifically… HOW) did a high status and rich lawyer (Richard Gere) end up falling in love with a woman who sells her body for a living and apparently didn’t have any “class”, any education, or the other characteristics that society tells us we should have?

Perhaps love is blind? Or perhaps there are other factors at play here?

Let me come back to what the answer is a bit later on.

Men Don’t Fall in Love with Perfect Women

Interesting thing about men falling in love…

In all my research into why men and women fall in love, I’ve come across some very interesting and surprising discoveries.

For example… men tend to fall in love within hours of meeting a woman. In other words, the biological process of falling in love for a man, happens rather quick

(We’re talking about the cascade of dopamine, oxytocin and vasopressin in the brain but let’s not get too geeky here.)

What this means for you, is that when it comes to dating, the first few hours or the first few interactions are probably the most important.

This doesn’t mean a romance couldn’t ensue later down the track, it is just to demonstrate the speed in which “falling in love” occurs.

Another thing I have found interesting is this, the more effort you put into wanting someone to like you, the less likely they will fall in love with you.

So ironic huh?

(Perhaps I’ll talk more about that in another article.)

I believe one of the biggest roadblocks to romance is our need and desire to be perfect. It is our desire to be “enough” that is causing us much of the pain and suffering.

Watch this Commitment Triggers episode on Youtube…

If I could only just be enough…

If I could just be tall enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough… perhaps then I am worthy of love, perhaps then I’ll find that man who loves me, perhaps then he won’t leave me again

(Even though we theoretically and intellectually know that nobody in this world is perfect, we still chase after this idea of “perfection”.)

And look, there’s nothing wrong with chasing perfection. It is, by all means a “good” thing.

An artist chases perfection and takes their art to a whole new realm.

An athlete chases perfection and sets a new standard for the rest of the world.

A designer chases perfection and creates a brand new paradigm of thinking.

However… (And this is a BIG however…)

When it comes to love and romance, the pursuit of perfection is perhaps your biggest enemy.

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That’s right… the pursuit of perfection kills love.

Because for as long as you’re trying to be perfect, you can’t be fully engaged with a man. You can’t fully be present and “fall” into the moment.

You can’t feel the subtle emotions that are required for romance and passion to exist.

You’re simply too busy in your own head being caught up with this idea of perfection.

(Remember perfectionists aren’t happy people)

And men simply don’t fall in love with perfect women.

In order to fall deeply in love, a man has to be able to relate to you. It’s hard to relate to someone when they’re stuck in their own head – when we try to be perfect, we really are stuck in our own head.

So if you feel like you have to strive towards something, strive towards being imperfect.

Julia Roberts wasn’t trying to be perfect in Pretty Woman. She was as imperfect as it gets… just like you and I deep down inside.

Men fall in love with imperfect women, because these women are real.

But don’t all the “perfect women” get all the attention?

I know what you’re thinking… perfect women get more attention.

Yes and no.

Sure, men as a collective whole may be fascinated by those “perfect women” and perhaps even give them most of the attention.

But there’s a huge difference between attention and love.

It’s a difference that can be hard to see when you’re chasing attention, but perhaps when you’ve reached the top of the pyramid of attention, then you’d realise how empty attention is.

(Remember all those Hollywood stars that have overdosed? They didn’t do it because they didn’t have enough attention.)

Because attention is cheap. It’s like those cheap snacks in your cupboards that only add inches to the waistline, but are so damn tasty! (What? You don’t have those snacks in your cupboard? Me either.)

The truth is quite simple… men may give superficial attention to those “perfect women” but they fall deeply in love with those who are imperfect.

Here are 5 Unusual Signs He is Madly in Love with You.

Which would you rather if you could only choose one? Men giving you attention or men actually falling in love with you emotionally?

It’s a real difficult decision, I know.

There Are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. CLICK HERE to find out what they are.

The best type of love is when it’s imperfect.

The perfect thing about love and romance is that it isn’t meant to be perfect.

It is meant to be two individuals sharing authentically and relating spontaneously.

It’s this pursuit of perfection that is sometimes preventing ourselves from being the authentic, spontaneous version of ourselves.

Men don’t fall in love with perfect women. They fall in love with real women… women who are imperfect.

So perhaps the most perfect thing to give yourself right now is the permission to be imperfect.

CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.

Perfection is the wrong game to play.

This all reminds me of when I was in my teenage years and playing a lot of competitive golf. (Don’t laugh, I know you think golf is an old man sport, at least I thought I was cool, that’s what matters right?)

Anyhow, I was young (and stupid) and I fell into the trap of becoming too fascinated with my own golf swing.

Everywhere I went, I watched and analysed my own golf swing in the reflections of mirrors and glass panels.

I used to record my swing on an old “piece of junk” camcorder and play it back over and over again, like a real golf swing connoisseur.

Deep down inside, I thought that if my golf swing was “perfect”, then everything would be great.

Boy – was I an idiot.

What I didn’t realise was that nobody was keeping score of what my golf swing looked like. Nobody even cared.

And as a result, I lost track of what really mattered.

(Which was shooting a good score and therefore winning tournaments… apparently that was what golf was all about… who would have thought!)

A golf swing that was aesthetically pleasing is, sadly useless. I know, hind sight is always 20-20 right?

Perhaps you’re also chasing after a certain type of perfection that is taking your focus off of what really matters?

Perhaps chasing perfection and chasing attention is sabotaging the possibility of men falling in love with you.

Just maybe…

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Men fall in love with imperfect women.

Take a moment, and just look around you.

Men everywhere are falling deeply in love with women who are NOT perfect. If you would look, you would see many examples of this.

Many would suggest that Hugh Jackman’s wife isn’t so perfect, but it didn’t stop him from falling in love with her…

Or similar things could be said about Pierce Brosnan’s wife Keely?

And of course there are countless other examples.

You see, in the eyes of men, these “imperfect women” suddenly become every bit perfect, because they are real.

Falling in love is real, it can’t be faked.

Perhaps love is blind or perhaps love is not about being perfect.

Don’t chase perfection… your imperfections are worth more than that.

With that said, here’s an article written by my lovely wife on How To Tell If A Guy Really Likes You.

D. Shen Commitment Triggers

P.S. If you liked this article, CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

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By the way, while you’re at it, connect with me on social media.

P.P.S. Your job is not to be perfect. Your job is to be real.

In talking about men falling in love, I’ve done some more research. (I know, I sound like a super nerd – if only I spend half this amount of effort back doing my bachelor degree…)

Interesting discovery… after looking at hundreds of men and women in dating and relationships, in my own life and in those around me, I’ve discovered something really important.

I have come to realize that there are 2 common traits of those women whom men routinely fall in love with, regardless of age, culture or belief systems.

And I mean the kind of women that men adore and cherish.

But here’s the caveat… for a man to go through the emotional and biological experience of falling in love, a woman must exhibit BOTH of these traits.

That’s right, both. Miss one of these traits and it simply won’t work, and I’ll explain to you why one day.

These are two very different traits but equally as important.

(remember, falling in love is very much a biological process that occurs in your brain and your body)

It seriously took me years of research to be able to distill everything into these 2 traits. Perhaps I’ll write another blog post soon about what these 2 traits are and why they work to trigger men to fall in love. (Even if you’re not perfect)

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David, thanks so much for writting this. Some men struggle to articulate this kind of thing and it feels so nice knowing there are men out there that believe this and that have a wonderful relationship (you and Renee). I hear what you’re saying about being perfectly imperfect. However, I really struggle feeling good enough when im with a man who is checking out someone societally more “perfect.” My Dad is a perfectionist so it is a hard thing to shake. Not to be greedy, but I cant help but want to feel like im everything physically my guy could… Read more »

Zaira Belle
Zaira Belle

Hey David, great article! Bravo!!!

Renee Wade
Renee Wade

Thanks D. Shen for reminding us of what really matters in relationships, and for getting to the heart of the topic of what humans actually fall in love with, and HOW they fall in love. The best thing about this article is that it frees women. It frees us to just BE.

I know I feel euphoric around even just girlfriends who are freely being their imperfect selves. These kinds of women are infectious, exciting, and make the world a beautiful place.

Amal Elzargi
Amal Elzargi

Thanks for the blog, it really inspirational. I really got curious about those two traits..
Eagerly waiting for your next blog 🙂

Denise Burton-Roberts
Denise Burton-Roberts

Loved it David! Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to further reads. Denise


Hello! Interesting article, though there are some things that are “disguised” just like in any article out there.. but nevertheless is a Good one, and I want to know which are the 2 things you feel a Woman should posses (at the end) Other than that.. Maybe I am in a wrong phase of my life, but I just wish someone once would spill the truth just like it is ! (so don`t necessarily take personally what I will say, just a general truth, that it is not enough said) Listen, all this CRAP about women being Imperfect, AND real,… Read more »


Omg, David, I’m so excited that you’ve created your own blog! I’m a huge fan of the feminine woman blog so this should be interesting. I wondered if there is a difference between being perfect and not putting the effort in? I’m currently undergoing therapy for past trauma, trying to heal myself of past pains and working towards the goal in mind of living up to my highest potential. Only then do I feel that I will be ready for an adult relationship. I could try and meet people now, but I feel that I wouldn’t attract what I’m looking… Read more »


Hi David, Congratulations on the new blog and thank-you for such a splendid article. I believe the take home message I got was:

Keep up the good work!


David where is Renee? are you still with her. I don’t see her on your website or your facebook. I really hope there is no issues cos your guys being together as a couple is such an inspiration to so many.

Anna C
Anna C

David, I want to say that falling in love really does happen very quickly. It comes back to what I spoke to you about early on regarding first impressions, and how they trigger subconscious needs and fears and comforts in another person. I couldn’t believe it, but my man & I fell in love very quickly. There was always a connection, but one night everything changed. For both of us. Our eyes were kinder towards each other, our initiatives rose, we became much better people. I could be a spas and a doofus. He could be an annoying jokester. This… Read more »

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