To quote Paul’s advice to men…
“Life with the greatest majority of women is a battle for your soul…”
Hey guys it’s D.Shen here, the founder of Commitment Triggers & Shen Wade Media where we teach you how to show up as a high value woman who easily inspires commitment from men.
Oh boy – do I have something for you today!
I was introduced to the MGTOW community a couple of weeks ago by one of our readers… and my goodness did that lead down a crazy rabbit hole…
Just in case you were like me and had no idea what the heck is MGTOW… (It stands for Men Going Their Own Way)… see this MGTOW movement as the counter-feminism movement.
See it as a movement to patronize women just as radical feminism has patronized men.
See it as a movement to convince men away from committed relationships…
This was somewhat triggering for me because of my own beliefs. As you may know, I’m married. As you may know, I’m married to Renee…(whom I have nothing but respect, appreciation and admiration for.)
But she has earned every single bit of that and completely deserve it.
More importantly, I truly believe in the value of a committed relationship, where both parties truly value the deepening of that relationship, where both parties put each other first, not their own needs.
I truly believe something magical happens when two people come together.
But back to this MGTOW movement…
Here’s a video from one of the voices (Paul Elam) of this MGTOW community…
This is advice from one man to other men about the real reasons to NOT get married… (Right this moment – it may strike some fear in your heart, but know that this is just someone else’s perspective and doesn’t make you any less. You are valuable and worthy with and without this perspective.)
(Wait a second, before you go and watch this 14min video, I want you to keep an open mind about this because it’s easy to get “hooked” and “triggered” by this. Don’t worry, I’m also guilty of this.)
Instead, let’s give our understanding first.
Let’s lead with our understanding.
Let’s see the value in this even if we completely disagree.
Let us hear a different perspective, as this different perspective may hold value that gives us a deeper understanding of life, of men, and of relationships.
Now I just want to be clear…
I am not entirely against what Paul is doing for men. I have nothing against the man, himself.
I know his message has value for SOME men, just as feminism has value for SOME women.
I CAN understand where he is coming from, and that perhaps he feels like he needs to protect men from “modern relationships” or the sanction of marriage. Perhaps he feels the need to give shelter to the men who have been beaten to their knees by the demands of the “modern relationship”.
Also, we need to remember that this is his advice to men. Not for women.
Paul is very articulate, and very well spoken. He sounds somewhat educated although I can hear resentment in his voice.
One thing I don’t like about what Paul is doing, is that he is assuming the worst intent from women. And from that mental and emotional place, I believe he’s passing on his own resentment in the shape of “advice”, more than he is giving true understanding to men.
And resentment isn’t going to free you at the end of the day. Understanding and appreciation will.
Because here’s what I always believe…
Neither men and women have bad intent.
At the core of the matter, we’re only trying to meet our own needs, sometimes in selfish ways, sometimes in more selfless ways.
Men and women however, have very different reproductive agendas. In other words, men and women seek different things in dating and relationships.
And as such, there will always be natural conflict between a man and a woman. ALWAYS.
In fact, if a man is truly masculine at his core and a woman is in her feminine core, then there will almost always be constant tension in the relationship.
It doesn’t have to be negative tension. It could be tension of attraction, of eroticism, or tension of anticipation.
And it’s in our natural interests to influence the people around us to become more LIKE us.
So in any long term relationship, the masculine man will instinctively try to convert his woman to become more masculine as the woman would try to shape him to be more feminine.
It’s not anyone’s fault, these are our natural instincts.
By making men wrong for doing so would be ridiculous and takes away everything that makes him a masculine man.
By making women wrong for doing so would be ridiculous and takes away everything that makes her a feminine woman.
We instinctively think that this is a way to connect deeper because then… we’d be “more alike!”
However, the more alike a man and a woman are in a relationship, the less tension, the less attraction and passion there will be.
It’s a double edge sword.
Anyhow, I’ve gone on a complete rant here.
Go ahead and watch that video above. And here’s what I’m asking from you.
I want you to watch it to understand, not to judge.
I want you to feel the emotions behind the words.
I want you to feel the pain behind the resentment.
I want you to deepen your understanding of men’s struggles in this world.
If you can truly appreciate this video without judgement, then I applaud you.
And plus, doesn’t a high value woman seek to understand, not judge?
Take a moment, comment below and let me know what you’ve learned…
P.S. If you would like to hear about my perspective on this video… (I have plenty of rebuttals already in my head), Let me know in the comments below. I didn’t actually want to make this post about me…
P.P.S. For the record, I believe all men WANT to commit to a woman (the right woman). Without that drive to commit, we humans wouldn’t be here as our offspring would be long dead. But no man, (or woman) would like to be taken advantage of! It’s important for you to know that by truly having that deep understanding of the opposite sex, as well as a healthy sense of worthiness, you would and could never be taken advantage of again. Understanding is power.