STOP Bastardizing the Idea of Masculine & Feminine

If you want to truly understand and appreciate masculine & feminine, observe how a 6 year old boy plays with a 6 year old girl.

It’s easy for me, because I have a 6 year old boy. And let me tell you, you won’t have to teach 6 year olds what masculine or feminine is, nor would you need to give them a list of 301 rules to abide by. They do what’s naturally intuitive to them.

If you observe their playful interactions carefully, you’d see that they both give and they both take. She gives him a cheeky look, he gives back a spontaneous yet comical display of humour. She gives him a wink, he gives her a flower he picked.

The energy goes both ways, otherwise it doesn’t work. Polarity goes both ways, otherwise it’s just a one sided fantasy.

In this day and age, self proclaimed online coaches are spewing all sorts of rules as to what you need to do to be feminine as woman.

“You have to lean back, be passive, receive, you can’t initiate, you can’t give and you can’t do this and that.”

For me personally, I hate these rules.

They are absolutely dumb! Forgive my passion but that’s how it is, because all these rules ultimately come from a place of fear.

And you’re not going to attract an abundance of love, joy and passion into your life through fear. That just doesn’t happen.

And in the process it’s bastardizing the whole concept of what masculine and feminine is all about. Look, it’s OK to have rules, sometimes as a stepping stone between chaos from previous abuse and anxiety to proper attunement, but having dogmatic or rigid rules should never be the end goal.

You can certainly have rules, but just don’t mix it up with the idea of masculine and feminine. If anything, rules can be a temporary stepping stone until you have healed and processed the emotional trauma. Then you can let go of some of the rules that no longer serve and move forward to better attunement.

However, what I’ve noticed is that for many women, these rules can often divert their attention away from true attunement to real people, and real souls.

In other words, these rules are slowing, hindering and stopping their progress and growth.

And I don’t want that for you.

So sure, you can protect yourself by adopting some of these rules. Sometimes protecting yourself is important. However being an emotional turtle in its shell isn’t ultimately going to help you establish emotional attraction and deep connection with your chosen man.

To do that, you need something else. You need to understand value, attunement, attraction, banter, etc.

These are the main concepts our work and our programs revolve around because these are the real elements that matter.

Anyhow that’s enough of a rant from me.

Remember, be smart! Don’t get sucked into to rules.

D. Shen Commitment Triggers

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Confused women
Confused women

I’ve become so obsessed with being feminine that I have fallen for those strict rules and it has backfired on me. I attracted a man and even married him but when things went south between us, I waited for him to lead and now I’m on the verge of divorce. Love coaches should also focus on maintaining our relationships when we attract the man.


Yeah…rules are ok when we are healing from an emotional trauma but no rule can serve us long term.Only connection,passion,courage and compassion can help us live our best lives.Thanks David.


David this was so well written. You coached me many years ago when you and Renee were first starting out and I remember both you and her so fondly because you both put me on a path to bettering my self esteem. I’m glad you bought this up because no teacher compared to you in explaining this concept. They basically said I couldn’t be my authentic self and that no one would love me if I didn’t follow the rules. Keep teaching! We need you.

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