Is this really true? Or at least is there some truth to the idea that the person who cares less has the most power?
Let’s find out in this article...
The principle of least interest
According to wikipedia, The Principle of Least Interest is the idea in sociology that the person or group that has the least amount of interest in continuing a relationship has the most power over it.
It’s an idea, a theory that has a great deal of merit when it comes to a business setting.
After all, it’s always better if you don’t have to chase a deal. It inherently shows that you have options, and you’re not willing to settle for less than your worth.
However, for the purpose of this post, we’re not talking about business relationships or even friendships. Let’s talk about this idea in an intimate relationship.
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The context of an intimate relationship
Let’s change the context of this to an intimate relationship.
(…By the way intimate relationship is where it probably matters most.)
See, sometimes certain beliefs and ideas, may resonate with us in a particular moment or particular context so we pick it up and make it a part of us, but before we know it, that belief subconsciously controls and dictates our thoughts, actions and behaviour.
So let’s take a moment in this article to really question the idea of whether the person who cares less actually has the most power.
Let me ask you a simple question. Well, perhaps it isn’t so simple. But think about this.
If you were to truly believe that the person who cares less has the most power, what kind of relationship are you going to attract?
Think about it.
The real answer is, you’re going to attract relationships where it’s based on – say it with me, power trips.
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Do you really want your intimate relationship to be based on power trips?
Nothing wrong with power trips, except it doesn’t make a relationship intimate, it doesn’t make it close, you don’t get that warm feeling that someone has your back… because it’s always about what I’m getting.
Of course I want you to have everything you’d ever wanted or needed in a relationship, but focusing on yourself isn’t gonna get you there.
Now to give credit where it’s due, believing in that the person who cares less has the most power has some value. No, seriously it truly has some value.
If you find yourself always chasing after people, and falling into that pattern, then yes, perhaps believing in this may temporarily give you the momentum to break through and get out of that cycle.
Key word: it’s temporary.
The idea is to stop chasing people
In my opinion, whatever beliefs you adopt in order to get out of that negative cycle, is a valuable belief. But that doesn’t mean that belief is always going to serve you long term. Right?
In the long term, you’re going to find yourself in all sorts of different situations and frankly some beliefs out live their usefulness.
See, this idea that the person who cares less has the most power is what I call surface thinking.
This belief is what I call a surface truth. It isn’t necessarily wrong nor right, but they don’t offer you deeper insight into what is really going on.
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“The Person Who Cares Less Has The Most Power” Is a “Surface Truth”
Surface truths will only ever give you surface results.
What you really need instead are deeper truths.
Surface thinking unfortunately never get you anywhere, its like saying…
All men just want sex.
It’s not about whether that’s true or not, it’s just that this belief doesn’t empower you, doesn’t make you a better person, doesn’t make you have a better ability to connect with men. Instead, it becomes a prison in which all your experiences are filtered through.
So repeat after me. There are always deeper truths.
There are always deeper truths.
To me, the deeper truths is where it really gets exciting. Because not only do you see that no one is really out there to hurt you, but you get to make sense of everything that happens around you AND the power that comes from this understanding.
For my entire career, I’ve always focused on finding deeper truths. Because that is where all the secrets are.
Because that’s where you’re going to find all the juicy stuff, all the while making yourself the most valuable individual anywhere you go.
So what is the deeper truth here?
Are you ready?
In any intimate relationship, it’s never about caring less. We’re not talking about a business deal here. We’re talking about love.
You can never care too much… even when you first meet someone, even on your first date. You can never care too much.
In fact, the more you care, the more power you have.
the more you care, the more power you have!
That is your cue to say… “WOAH?”
But here’s the caveat. It’s about truly caring for the other person not for yourself. I’m not talking about caring for how YOU look, or what other people are going to think of you. I’m talking about truly getting out of yourself in that moment, and CARE about someone else.
Care about someone else as if you don’t matter in the grand scale of things, as if you don’t really exist.
Of course you matter but the focus isn’t on you.
See, when we’re talking about dating and relationships with men, I want you to CARE to understand his masculine perspective, care to appreciate his thoughts, habits and emotions, care to feel his fears and desires as a man.
That is the ultimate place you can get to.
The thing is, you can care and not have to be needy, clingy or seeking approval.
You can care & not be needy, clingy or seeking approval.
I’ll give you an example.
If my 4 year old son falls and scrapes his knee, I’m always going to care. But that doesn’t mean I’m always going to rush to him and baby him. I can care by letting him get back up and realise in his own time that he’s OK. Right?
I don’t have to let my care be dictated by how others will perceive me, or even by my own possible guilt.
Thing is, I’m never going to not care when any of my kids hurt themselves. But my actions will be determined by what they need at that moment in time.
If a man is pulled away from you, you can still care deeply and not have to pester him. Because the moment you start sending him needy messages, you are caring about yourself, right? You care about what you’re not getting.
Not to mention you’re taking value, you’re extracting value in that moment from him and from the relationship.
Of course I’m completely generalising here but I’m sure you get the point.
When you care, you need to care about the other person, not about what you’re not getting.
So remember this, in dating and relationships with men, you can care deeply and not have to act needy, clingy or look for his approval.
Because ultimately it’s not about who has the most power anyway.
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Ultimately it’s not about power, it’s about value.
Read that again. It’s not about power, it’s about value.
The more value you have intrinsically as a woman, and the more men perceive you to have value as a woman, the more they will pursue you. Period. End of story.
I don’t want you to enter into a relationship that is based on power trips. Because those kinds of relationships always end the same way. Pain, resentment, hate and repressed anger all the while making you less able to access your own feelings and vulnerability.
So it’s never about caring less, it’s about caring more. As as you care more, the universe will reveal more of it’s magic to you, because you’re not just living for yourself, whether that is in the form of a breakthrough, some deeper insights or some form of abundance permeating through your life.
So if you want to show up as a high value woman, especially in the eyes of men, step number 1… care more, understand more and appreciate more.
The more you understand, the deeper you understand, the more value you will have to men, to people and to yourself. Simple.
Remember, people will pursue you not when you pretend you don’t care, but when you show up with intrinsic value as well as perceived value.
Value is the real game here.
Hope that makes sense.
CLICK HERE to read Renee’s Post on the 3 traits you need to avoid in order to be a high value woman.
By the way, if you want to learn more about this idea of value that I keep talking about, leave me a comment below. I am planning on creating a whole series of videos on this idea of value but I need your input. Is this a topic that you want to learn more about?
Just simply comment below with a YES to let me know.
Alright that’s all for now.
Talk to you soon.
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P.P.S. Here is some additional reading in case you’re curious about this idea of value.
19 Ways Of A High Value, Feminine Girlfriend
This One Word Makes You More High Value As A Woman
3 Undercover Ways to be More High Value Over Other Women & Get Him to Choose You
The Two Traits of Women that Men Routinely Fall In Love With
David is the founder of Commitment Triggers & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with his wife Renee at The Feminine Woman, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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I agee with you whole heartedly. I love your depth.
Amazing advice D. You are SPOT On!
Yes. Very good insight into the concept of value! Thanks! Please continue.
I think in a negative way the focus of this article is on POWER when it should be focused on CARE.
It is my opinion that the quote or statement about caring and power has less to do with power and is more a statement of the person that cares less in the intimate relationship has more latitude to do what they want because the person that cares more is going to give in more and compromise more of them self……. And that is what is messed up about this quote being so true.
YES, please let me know!!
In a relationship where he is pulling away…took all his things out of the house and calls once in awhile..What is the line between high value and being used? Do u ask what is their interests/intentions or assume by their bigger actions as a sign that you are low value to them?
In a relationship where he just left and took all his stuff, but now calls and asks to do things for him…what is the line between high and low value. Do u ask what are his interests, take his bigger actions as not interested and seeing me as low value? Then should u answer or no contact at all?