The Two Traits of Women that Men Routinely Fall In Love With

There are two distinct traits of women that men routinely fall in love with regardless of the woman’s age, culture or belief system.

(Surprisingly this is universally true all around the world and you will discover what these 2 traits are in this article…)

See, after working with and coaching hundreds and thousands of women in love, dating and relationship, I’ve discovered something very important.

When men fall in love with a woman, there are ALWAYS 2 traits that the woman exhibits, whether consciously or subconsciously. (And surprisingly this works like clock work, it works as consistently as the law of gravity.)

Now a part of you might be wondering, surely this doesn’t work for everyone. Surely there are exceptions…

Well, as it turns out, not really.

What makes a man fall for a woman?

Let’s address the obvious…

You simply can’t logically convince a man to fall in love with you NOR can you do it by over-proving yourself as a woman of value.

Falling in Love is an emotional and subconscious process. (A beautiful process of course when it all works out!)

Falling in love is a process that is based on many small nuances and emotional triggers.

It’s how he feels.

It’s about how you make him feel.

However here’s the biggest problem…

You will never be able to control someone else’s emotional decisions.

You can influence it at best.

All the real control you will ever have, is the control over how YOU show up. There is so much that you and I cannot control in this life time, so we’d be fools to try.

What we can do is put our energy and our focus on what we can control.

Sometimes stars align and the timing is right, and all goes well. Sometimes stars don’t align and we walk away empty handed. That’s ok, that’s a part of life.

If you didn’t have the heartbreak, you would never appreciate the times of love, joy and passion.

By learning these two traits that men routinely fall in love with, you will put yourself in the best position to have love magically come into your life. (…And remember, love always comes in a different form to how you’d imagine!)

Here’s why these two traits work like magic…

The reason why these 2 traits work so well to trigger men to fall in love, is because they are based on evolutionary biology. In other words, we as a species depended on this emotional mechanism to help us survive for hundreds of thousands of years. It’s in our DNA.

Don’t just take my word for it, go out there and test it out for yourself. I want you to experience first hand how this works for you.

You see, for a man to fall in love with any woman, he has to perceive the woman exhibiting these two traits at a very subconscious level.

(See my article on why men don’t fall in love with perfect women…)

Because the truth is, it’s not his conscious choice who he falls in love with or whether he falls in love or not.

Right? We all know that we don’t choose who we fall in love with… it just happens. (That’s because everything works way below the conscious thought level.)

It’s literally a cascade of biological and chemical reactions inside of him that allows him have that emotional euphoria that men go through when they’re in love.

But here’s a caveat… for a man to go through the emotional and biological experience of falling in love, you as the woman must exhibit BOTH of these traits. (This is important, so listen up.)

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that one of these traits is more important than the other, they’re both equally as important.

Why being attractive is NOT one of these 2 traits.

So before I reveal to you what these 2 traits are, let me just tell you that being attractive is NOT one of these 2 traits. Unfortunately I think in today’s world, we as a society put way too much emphasis on how we look externally, and way too little emphasis on how we show up to the world.

I mean have you ever known someone who is totally attractive yet still couldn’t keep a relationship together? Absolutely! Are there plenty of women on this planet who are naturally attractive but are still being treated like a doormat?

You bet…! All you have to do is look around.

The truth is, every single day, men are falling in love with average looking women. It’s not about how you look, it’s about how you show up.

Don’t get me wrong, making yourself look good is sometimes important. But the purpose of that isn’t to attract men as much as it is to compete with other women.

(You get what I’m talking about right? To compete with all the other bitches out there! To feel like you’re better than other women. And there’s nothing wrong that. We all have that inside of us.)

two traits of women men fall in love with

To inspire a man to fall in love, requires a completely different approach.

But to inspire a man to fall in love, requires a completely different approach. And thats what I want to share with you.

When a man falls in love with you, he thinks and feels you’re perfect regardless of how you look. Your physical beauty makes no difference in his emotionally driven mind.

It’s basically hijacking his brain!

And guess what? A man in love will always find a way to commit, because he’s emotionally driven to do so.

Most of the time, men are looking for every reason to avoid commitment, when he’s in love, the exact opposite is true.

Here’s an article on The Women Men Commit to Versus the Women Men Leave.

Do men fall in love differently than women?

Yes and no.

Men and women both have equally the capacity to fall in love.

The difference here between men and women is the emotional triggers required for the process to be triggered.

There are feminine triggers that catches a man’s attention because it indicates value in a woman just as there are masculine triggers that catch women’s attention.

Not to mention everyone is different, (thank God for diversity) which means everyone has their own pre-existing ideas of their “ideal mate”.

This subconscious image of the “ideal mate” in all our us has been developing since our childhood and is constantly evolving. Perhaps we had a crush on a red head when we were 12 so we carry that preference throughout our lives.

It is designed to be there to help us find a mate quicker.

But know that this image is just a preference. It can be overridden with a strong enough sense of emotional attraction and emotional connection.

In other words, when a man falls in love, he doesn’t care if you are the OPPOSITE of his idea of an “ideal mate”. He’ll throw away his preferences, because he’s found the feeling he was truly after.

But one thing is for sure. In order to successfully drive the process of falling in love, you have to be playful, you have to engage in some banter, you have to metaphorically dance in the relationship.

It’s never a smooth journey, and that’s a beautiful thing.

In case you haven’t attended my free class on the idea of “banter”, CLICK HERE. (You’ll love it.)

So enough of this lead up, what are the 2 traits that I’ve been teasing you about?

Trait 1) It’s your ability to show up as a…

The first trait is your ability to show up as a high value high status woman.

I repeat, it is your ability to show up as a high value high status woman.

Let me explain.

We as human beings live in hierarchies. We always have this ladder of hierarchy in our subconscious mind and we carry it around everywhere we go.

This isn’t my wish for inequality, but our brains are actually hardwired for hierarchy. In other words, we can’t live without hierarchy.

Here’s the reason why…

Fact is… Our brains were shaped by hierarchy…

Our brains developed the need for hierarchy in order to live cohesively in a group environment. It’s so that we can cooperate and work together in order to survive.

Back in the tribal days, if you were in the wilderness by yourself, chances are, you’re dead… unless you’re Bear Grylls. He’d probably survive and make a tv series about it.

But for everyone else, we needed our tribe in order to survive. So our brains are literally built to always work with other people in the ladder of hierarchy.

In fact, this subconscious need for hierarchy exist in every single species of animal that live in groups.

Think about a pride of lions or a troop of monkeys. There is always this ladder of hierarchy.

(There are always a few alpha leaders, and so on and so on…)

We are very much the same. Think about it…

When we’re meeting new people, what do we do? We instantly suss them out, even when we don’t mean to. We do it instinctively because we are trying to figure out where they fit on our mental projection of this ladder of hierarchy. In other words, we’re sussing out how high value high status they are.

In dating, this is really the only thing that matters…

When you’re in the dating someone, the ONLY thing that really matters is to present and prove your value as a woman. This is critical for you to understand IF you’re dating and you want to get past that stage and into a long term committed relationship.

The ONLY thing that really matters is to present and prove your value as a woman.

And of course, men do the same to prove their value as men.

And ultimately it’s those who present themselves as low value and low status who will ultimately struggle to find a partner, find love and have the relationship they desire.

Did you know that there are exactly 7 common signs that a woman is low value in the eyes of men? Do you know what they are (and how to avoid them like the plague?)

Click here to get access to the free report on the 7 signs a woman is low value in the eyes of men.

Think about this…

That is why celebrities don’t seem to struggle to find a date. Now you’re thinking, but I’m not a celebrity. That doesn’t matter. You could be your own celebrity. You could hold yourself as a celebrity. And that’s what really matters.

It’s all about how you hold yourself.

It’s all about how you hold yourself, how you show up. After all, status is only ever just a perceived thing.

Brad Pitt put in a remote tribe of amazonian hunters would have no perceived status, unless he earns it.

And thats the good news because you too, can be a high value woman. You too, can show up to be high value high status regardless of your age, your financial situation, your IQ or who your friends are… if you know how.

I would love to get into the how, but that is beyond the scope of this article… I can fill a whole weekend seminar on just the how, but I just wanted to plant the idea with you right now.

(In fact we teach that transformational process of becoming high value high status in some of our programs. But I’m sure you can check them out later on.)

Compatibility was never the issue…

See, when it comes to dating, it’s not all about compatibility. I know a lot of people talk about compatibility, I hate it. I believe if someone is truly in love with you, they will move mountains to make things work.

When there isn’t that much deep emotional attraction going on, that’s when little things start to get on your nerve… like… gosh what kind of shoes are you wearing?

See, in dating, when people say they’re incompatible, they’re really saying that the other person didn’t present enough value or status. But that doesn’t sound so good, does it?

So instead, they call it “compatibility issues”.

But it really comes down to value and status and your ability to show up as a high value high status woman.

I really want you to remember this, your job is to give the perception that you are indeed highly valuable as a woman.

If you like me to teach you more about how to show up as high value high status, just let me know by leaving me a comment below.

Men fall in love with women who are high value high status. It’s not his choice, his biology dictates it. Men never fall in love with women who are low value. And that is universally true. Sometimes men give attention to low value women, but that’s because he wants some sexy times and he thinks it would be easy with a low value woman.

Not to mention, men routinely take advantage of, use and abuse women who present themselves as low value.

So I really hope I’ve planted this idea with you that the skill of showing up as a high value high status woman is paramount.

But… being high value high status will only get you half way there.

If you’re only high value high status, and that’s ALL you are, then men will find you very difficult to connect with.

Trait 2) It is your ability to be open and vulnerable in spite of fear.

Here is the second trait of women that men routinely fall in love with. And that trait is vulnerability. In other words, it’s your ability to deeply connect with your own emotions so that a man can feel you, connect with you and feel inspired to take care of you.

(Click here to learn more about vulnerability.)

It’s about learning to open and become comfortable in that openness. (In spite of how much fear there always will be when it comes to love.)

To be in love means that you have to be fully open to the experience. We can’t fall in love with masks, nor can we fall in love with people’s outer shell.

We have to go deep.

In this day and age, a lot of us have been encouraged to push down our emotions, and make them wrong. The more masculine your job or career is, the more you’re encouraged this way.

Not to mention we’re fed the message of “Be a strong woman, take care of yourself, you don’t need a man!”

As much as that is true in a certain context, it is the very thing that make some women take it too far and ending up rejecting her own femininity and vulnerability.

And if your vulnerability isn’t there, what is a man suppose to take care of? What would be the emotional reason for him to invest his energy and time with you?

How is he ever going to feel like a man?

Think about that?

If there are no compelling reasons for a man to stay in a relationship, then chances are, he’s gone.

A man is compelled to take care of you and devote himself to you because of your vulnerability.

It’s an invitation for men to offer his presence. It’s a gift to him. It gives him the permission to protect you. It makes him feel alive, it gives him purpose.

Your ability to feel your emotions and express your emotions are the very reasons why men want to commit to you and take care of you.

But isn’t vulnerability a weakness?

Unfortunately most people have the false idea that vulnerability is weak.

Let me tell you, there’s nothing weak about opening yourself to feel your emotions. There’s nothing weak about being courageous enough to acknowledge that your feelings exist.

Being vulnerable isn’t about being needy. They are very different.

Neediness is in fact an expression of low value. I’m sure you know that already.

Why is it a sign of low value? Because it’s about trying to take value from the world and people around you.

Neediness is about value extraction. It’s about needing and expecting the presence of a man.

Vulnerability on the other hand, true vulnerability is an expression of high value. It’s value creation.

It’s about creating and inspiring the desire for a man to be there and want to give you his presence.

Here’s how you can be vulnerable without being needy.

But firstly you have to get in touch with your own emotions. Give your emotions space and time to surface so that you can experience them. They are here to serve you, even though they may seem scary at times.

And once you can truly face your own emotions, then you can truly connect with a man on the deepest of levels and create an emotional bond that even soul mates are envious of.

Here’s what you should do next…

So if you want a man to fall deeply in love with you, focus on these 2 traits. The skill of showing up as a high value high status woman, and your ability to express your vulnerability in order to connect on a deep emotional level.

If you don’t remember anything I say, remember those 2 things, and I promise you they will take you a long way.

In fact, we teach you 4 weeks worth of this in our Commitment Control 2 program. I guarantee it will shift your outlook and mindset about men, dating and commitment.

Click to read more about Commitment Control 2.

Look, if you found this article to be useful, then you probably want to learn more. We currently have our commitment masterclass up and running, if you haven’t taken it, it’s a great idea. It’s 100% free for you to take, there’s a ton of great insights that I promise will change the way you see men and commitment.

Click here to register for our amazing Commitment Masterclass.

D. Shen Commitment Triggers

D. Shen

Commitment Triggers

P.S. Now, my guess is, there are certain things about men that confuses you… (After all, you probably don’t have that stupid y chromosome. Trust me, it’s that y chromosome that screws everyone up.)

Well, over the years, I’ve realised that there are 5 things that every woman ought to know about men, love and sex, 5 fundamental truths.

If you don’t know them, and don’t understand the implications of them, then I can guarantee pain. (Not that I want you to have pain, but sometimes we can only either have the understanding or the pain.)

So it’s your choice right?

These 5 fundamental truths will shift that for you. Click here to find out what these 5 fundamental truths are…

If you haven’t signed up to my newsletter or email list, this is a good time to do so. (You can do this by doing one of the quizzes or attend our Commitment Masterclass)

So now, I want you to do some reflection and leave a comment below to share with us… What are some of the key insights you’ve taken away from this article?

What will becoming high value high status and yet vulnerable mean to you and your love life?

How is this going to help you in the future?

Until next time, make sure you look after yourself, give yourself the resources you need so that you can show up as the high value high status woman you were meant to be.

Talk soon.

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Newguy
Newguy

Makes perfect sense. However, I have learned the hard way that men don’t get married just because they are in love and/or feel committed. And, men marry low value women all of the time even though they are not really committed to the marriage. So what makes a man fall in love, commit AND marry? I have had exes (yes plural) stick around in the background for over a decade so I know that is some type of commitment. But, they would not get married when we were a couple which is why things ended. I HATE being in a… Read more »

Newguy
Newguy
Reply to  D Shen

I hear you. I am sure there is just some THING that was missing. I can see that deep vulnerability was it. I was not convenient at all. I refused to live together and more. But, you are correct, I was not truly deeply vulnerable – just surface level.

Paula
Paula

Is there some way of knowing whether a man has high or low self esteem? I believe that a guy with low self esteem can’t see a woman as high status once she is vulnerable enough to show she cares for him.

Holly
Holly
Reply to  D Shen

“Perhaps a better question here would be… how do I interact with a man in a way that makes him feel ultimately ENOUGH and thus able to appreciate me as a woman?” Is that really her responsibility? Is that even something she can do for him? Just as it’s our responsibility (and ours alone) as women to develop our vulnerability and cultivate high value, it’s the man’s responsibility to cultivate vulnerability/authenticity, value and confidence in himself. Nobody can do that for him. If his self-esteem is too low, then that’s something he needs to work on. No amount of coddling… Read more »

christy
christy
Reply to  Paula

Hi Paula, I believe one way, and probably the best, to assessing a man’s self esteem is to observe his reaction when he is challenged about his ideas or beliefs. Engage him in conversation about a current topic of debate and let him state his position. Then, contradict his arguement and watch his body language and facial expressions. Does he remain open in his energy? Does he fidget or get ancy in his movements? Can he maintain eye contact and openly receive your position? If he cannot stay with you while you share your point of view…on something that doesn’t… Read more »

Anita
Anita
Reply to  christy

Hey, great answer. Very useful. Also I believe this applies to women as much as men. Or am i wrong?

christy
christy
Reply to  Anita

Thank you, Anita. Yes, women can exhibit this, but I think in women it would come across more as neediness and the need for constant verbal approval.

Anita
Anita
Reply to  christy

Yes, upon thinking of past experiences I agree thats how women exhibit immaturity – or thats the difference between a girl and a woman!
It can be dangerous IMO, so many people out there can take advantage of a girl constantly seeking approval and damage her even.

christy
christy
Reply to  Anita

Yes…this was my mother. She went from man to man looking for something she had within herself the whole time. Unfortunately, I think we as women can only come into the fullness of this knowledge by sticking it out with one man. Marriage is indeed designed to show us what’s really hidden deep within. I have learned so much about myself once I let go of the hope in my husband ever loving me in ways I could feel or expected and just let him love me the way he could, by providing for the children and me. Some men… Read more »

Su
Su
Reply to  christy

Hi Christy, I couldn’t help replying to you when I read about your experience with your husband. I’m in the same boat, at some level I know he loves me but not in my language of love. I have even given hints and sometimes outright suggestions but it never worked. I am even trying to accept his way of loving me but it’s not working, I don’t feel satisfied. There are days when I try to look at the brighter side of things, and there are days when I feel that if he truly loved and valued me, he would… Read more »

kofo
kofo
Reply to  Su

Hi su. you cant get him to show you love and be affectionate to you by focusing on him. you need to shift your focus to yourself. Seek for ways that you can become more of your authentic self, and then share your love with him authentically. Give without expecting, learn to lean back and watch him step in. Good luck

awake
awake
Reply to  christy

Asperger’s. yep.

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Reply to  awake

Unless you are a doctor please do not go around diagnosing people in real life or over the internet.

See my comment to christy above.

awake
awake

sounds like you may have narcissism too.

awake
awake
Reply to  awake

btw genius, did you know there are empathic sociopaths? sweet kind empaths who turn on a dime and become terrifying sexual predators admitting to sociopathic tendencies (they keep hidden from the world)? while they are nearly destroying you? but showing the world only their goodie two shoes “healer” side? and then revert back to their asperger persona while pretending to be normal? didn’t think so. so why don’t you go get a little life experience. actually, i hope you never encounter this kind of wolf in sheep’s clothing aspie. they may finish you.

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Reply to  awake

I’m not arguing that there are people like that. But I hope it’s not being claimed that all persons with the condition described are Aspies, or even that all Aspies have a tendency to that behaviour. I would hate to see all persons with Asperger’s being tarred with the same brush.

awake
awake

ok. also, for the record, true narc’s that have NPD really can’t “change because they want to”, because their true self is so fractured, it is impossible for them to even acknowledge they have a personality disorder. they will do anything to deny this and keep their deeply damaged, terrified child self protected from perceived harm at all cost. therefore,they can’t self reflect. Aspies have a very difficult time showing empathy and can come across as sociopaths. and if they fail to show empathy, then that is how they are treated, as sociopathic. because people who are around them start… Read more »

Kat MC
Kat MC
Reply to  christy

Beautiful! Your answer and this article may have saved me of lot of headache and pain tonight. Also I would Add Narcisists and Mysoginists !! Not just Aspergers, Narcisists are Evil harm abuse you on purpose !! Also Psychopaths the ones switching women like panties. Its THEIR problem.. I have been in on off crazy relationship for years, with Narcisist mysoginist. *also have to mention I come from family who very much undermined my self worth self esteem and Life (also Narcisists). I`m an Intelligent Articulate, Educated still young woman but the years I had spent among assholes psychos have… Read more »

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Reply to  Kat MC

I find it very offensive that you clearly lump people with Asperger’s in with “Narcissists” who all want to “harm” and “abuse you on purpose”.

People who are narcissistic choose to be that way. They are capable of change if they want to.

People with Asperger’s were born with it, and have no choice in this. It is not curable.

Your comment makes me both offended and very very sad. See my comment to christy above.

christy
christy
Reply to  Kat MC

Beautiful Kat, The love you are looking for, longing for and deeply need….is right there inside of you. I know we read this all. the. time….but we are blinded by our little, wounded selves, and we can’t grasp this concept. We weren’t given the necessary skill set that would have taught us this so long ago and saved us from this pain. So, now we must learn it as adults. Take time for yourself…practice self-care and self-love by doing for yourself what you long to do for a lover. Forgive your growing self for doing things that humiliated your true… Read more »

Cary Smith
Reply to  Kat MC

Get out of your psychology class and out of your head for awhile, and look into your soul. You create your own path, you will pick and chose all through life who you want to spend everyone of your minutes with.. spend them all with people, places and things that make you feel good and you cant go wrong. Go to a class, learn a new hobby, get a second job, without anyone you know. Create your own path.

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Reply to  christy

I am a woman with Asperger’s and I find your comment offensive. Firstly perhaps whatever topic you contradict with him might have deep roots in him and he may feel very strongly about it for reasons you don’t know – for example abortion, I have very strong feelings about it (against, for reasons I feel no need to divulge) that would upset me if I had to ‘debate’ with someone I was just getting to know, as in beginning of dating. It sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to pick a fight with a man. (Incidentally where is your… Read more »

christy
christy

Dearest Tanya, My reply to Paula was about men with “Low Self Esteem”. They are the “quagmires” I was referring to. A man with low self esteem, no matter what his position in life, education level, attractiveness or any other “plus” in his favor….Is going to put you through hell…as will a woman. It’s better to back away and give them the time they need to grow within themselves. I think if you go back and reread what I’ve written without eyes of offense, it will be clearer to you what I was trying to tell her. I was not… Read more »

Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Tanya Rachel Wieczorek
Reply to  christy

You did state at the end of your comment, “whatever his condition”. That would by definition include the Asperger’s you were referring to two lines above that.

MaikenZ
MaikenZ

Dear Tanya. If you have Asperger ou know this condition can be hard on those around you. A marriage/relationship with all its challenges is hard enough to handle. Living with a person with Asperger makes it even tougher hence the problematic symptoms, ‘Individuals with AS often display inappropriate emotional aspects of social interactions. They can come off as being insensitive. They might appear to lack empathy or to disregard another person’s expressions and gestures altogether. Because they have such a poor sense of intuition and spontaneity, people with AS rely on formal, rigid rules of behavior, making them appear inappropriately… Read more »

Avi
Avi
Reply to  christy

Wow amazing insight. Getting out of a hell of a marriage w someone who seemed kind stable and high functioning, I ended up thinking it was a brain trauma I didn’t know about but high functioning AS/non verbal learning disability sounds right! The low self esteem, lies & manipulation are effects & coping mechanism. A man like this ultimately feels crippling failure for not being able to care for and the rages are as a result. Violent rages. I would rather be single! No desire to marry again but yet I always wanted a stable family. Is being open about… Read more »

Heidi
Heidi
Reply to  Paula

This is such a great question. I’ve been consistently striving to show up as a “high value woman” since I’ve been aware enough to do so (about 5 years). My current boyfriend is self-conscious and admits to being so. How can he truly value me as a high value woman? Does being self-conscious mean low self esteem? I am finding lately that I do not feel appreciated for how much I pour into my personal growth and the effort I put into caring for the people around me. I’m no saint, either, but feel I am very aware of the… Read more »

nessa
nessa

Hey David, Fantastic article!!! Thanks! Say hello to your wonderful and beautiful wife! I also love her Blog and articles!!

nessa
nessa
Reply to  D Shen

Yes it is!!! I recommend all the ladies who haven’t been to her blog to go and see for themselves how great it is! She really knows what she’s talking about….. just like you! May God bless both of you. There is this really handsome and fantastic guy in my class at college , we talked a few times and it is just amazing how much we see the world the same way! We are good friends and are going to do a project together. He was the one who suggested to be my partner for the project, I always… Read more »

Anita
Anita
Reply to  D Shen

Thats a great answer.
I’d like to say to nessa that if you really care for the guy you ‘d want him to be happy and just be there for him as a friend.

Olivia
Olivia

Thank you so much,, the two points make complete sense but are quite difficult to do!! I feel I’ve become a lot more vulnerable since signing up to commitment control 2. I show my emotions a lot more. Showing up as high value is harder for me. The person I’ve seen three times now, we have been having a nice time but I don’t think I showed up as very high value because I started imagining him as my boyfriend. The last time I saw him which was last weekend, I asked him if he’s casual or looking for somethng… Read more »

Venessa
Venessa
Reply to  Olivia

Oh, no, darling, you didn’t show up as low value when you asked whether it’s casual or if he’s looking for something serious. After 3 dates, you imagining him as your boyfriend means that’s what you want him as your boyfriend. (Why do we women make ourselves wrong for wanting something with a man? We’ve been conditioned that our wants are neediness and insecurity.) You showed up as high value when you asked him what his expectations were. That’s your right. Don’t get strung along. If he is going to run away there are 2 things happening: either he’s dating… Read more »

Olivia
Olivia
Reply to  Venessa

Thank you so much, what an amazing and helpful comment, I haven’t contacted him but it is hard! But I don;t want to suffocate him. I have a lot to offer 🙂

Olivia
Olivia
Reply to  D Shen

Commitment Control 2 is helping a lot!! <3 I would love to see some tips and examples 🙂 I have no idea what to do with this man, i thought we had something special. He seemed to like me a lot and said he would see me very soon.

1st)lady
1st)lady

Loved it!!! I’m on that track!!! Just need to learn how to be open.

Celine
Celine

hi David! Thank u for writing this- it really helps. But I was wondering, what do u mean exactly by being a high value high status woman? How can a woman achieve that? What are quality traits that make a woman high status high value?

Thank you!
-Celine

Paula
Paula
Reply to  D Shen

I think that would be a great article.

Lauren Blaga
Lauren Blaga
Reply to  D Shen

Hello David,
I would really like for you to write up an article on what really is “High Value High Status” and how to achieve it. It could help us all out! I think even when we have traits to us that are high value, we get confused and falter…anyway, I am looking forward to it.
Lauren

Kiki0216
Kiki0216
Reply to  D Shen

I would love to see a new article on this, too!

Celine
Celine
Reply to  D Shen

Yes please! That would be wonderful!

kat
kat

Hi 🙂 thank you for the wondergul article 🙂 I must say I find it really hard to keep being open and show up ss a high value female, when i am feeling hurt. For example, when my bf pays attention to me, i feel good and i have no prob appearring high value. But when not, i i feel bad ab myself and i need to block my feelings in order to look fine with high self esteem and so on… i know it is not easy @nd combining the two traits takes a lot of unconditional self esteeem

christy
christy
Reply to  kat

Kat, There sounds like there are some underlying issues at the soul level for you that will need to be uncovered. Are you able to get quiet during those times when the negative feelings surface? If so, ask your inner woman what she is feeling. Have her use words as clearly as she can to express the pain. Then tell her to show you where and when she first experienced those emotions. In doing this you will discover the hidden internalized fears you acquired usually in early childhood, around 6 or 7, when your individuation skills were being formed. If… Read more »

Kiki0216
Kiki0216

If you are interested man is experiencing two major areas of his life where he feels badly about himself (work, health/weight), it is probably a safe bet that he is not at a point to really date you, right? I’ve been showing my vulnerability and he’s opened up to me about these two areas of his life quite a lot. We have phone conversations that last as many as 5 hours. When we talk in person it’s always until 5 in the morning. He emails me to tell me about his day and will send me documents that he wrote… Read more »

Kiki0216
Kiki0216
Reply to  D Shen

Thank you for the feedback! And it’s great advice to do something to make him feel strong and support him.

Kiki0216
Kiki0216
Reply to  D Shen

Hi David, Since I left this message this man and I have been spending A LOT of time together. Mostly initiated by him. Physically he is maintaining boundaries, though we have very long hugs when we part. He still has the same issues as before. Just today on a voice mail he mentioned he was fat. And when we were at the movies he ate a lot. He has also mentioned being rejected a few times to me in the last several days. I’m really worried I am starting to get into the friend zone. But then I don’t know.… Read more »

Jasmine Rivera
Jasmine Rivera

This is all incredible insight into men, however, what about men who have lost their own mothers and have a hard time connecting with women in general?

Mary
Mary
Reply to  D Shen

Sigh …I have had an experience with a guy who was not very skilled in connecting whit women & was somewhat shy. I learned he was attracted to me. I liked him back, so I tried to understand him & gave him time. I thought I could connect with him because he got closer & show me deeper aspects of his life. He tried to be around me & I tried to make him more confident with me, because I appreciated him & wanted a good relationship with him with solid foundation … Guess what? As he turned more self-confident,… Read more »

Mary
Mary
Reply to  D Shen

It i possible that I misinterpreted the signs of attraction like him being nervous around me, gazing, unconscious laughter, finding occasions to be with me, feeling jealous about other guys approaching to me,etc. Even my friends have noticed that, & this guy still treats me differently than other girls. Well, these are early signs of attraction & as he is not yet dating me, you can say the story was n`t about love. The point is that when the man does n`t know how to communicate chances are he is not worth your effort. In my case, I got confused… Read more »

Ileana Vargas
Ileana Vargas

Hi David, great article. You and Renee are such great writers, I really appreciate how you guys explain things really well. However, I was HOPING you could give some examples? How to be perceived as a high value woman without coming across as conceited, and if shyness has anything to do with it. Also, I sometimes find myself expressing either anger or indifference when I’m hurt, is that what you mean about being vulnerable? That we shouldn’t try to hide what we really feel? Thank you.

christy
christy

Hi David, I’m not understanding the infatuation with marriage and acquiring a man’s commitment in this day and age. I’m 50 and understand it happenning back in my day, but the social norms for our mothers and grandmothers are all but gone now. Why do women WANT to appear as needing a man’s commitment? Ladies, enjoy your freedom. I have five gorgeous daughters and this is the advice I give them. Let men run after and pursue you! You run after and pursue your own life, adventure and happiness. High value is knowing you don’t NEED a man to make… Read more »

christy
christy
Reply to  D Shen

David, I understand those two reasons to be byproducts of fear. Shouldn’t we rather direct these young women towards the soul work of uncovering the hidden sources of the fear, healing them, and then moving out from a place of power? It is only then that a woman can enter into a relationship as an equal to the man. If she is looking for a “savior” he will eventually become her “jailer”! These young women still are clueless to the rules of the game. I’m all for a higher status man, but he will put a woman in just as… Read more »

christy
christy
Reply to  D Shen

No, I’m not assuming that. Listening to the stories of women, young and middle aged, who have come through good and bad relationships, is proof enough of the brokenness of much of western society today. I specify western because many cultures still practice arranged marriages. So I am only speaking of romance based mate selection. I am saying that many women responding to this article and many of Renee’s as well are dealing with deep personal issues. The healthier way to go about seeking out a healthy partner is to first, and foremost, become one yourself. Whatever it takes, counceling,… Read more »

Terri
Terri
Reply to  christy

Its basic human instinct to want a mate… yin and yang… so women and men should never feel guilty about wanting a relationship. Guilt is a terrible emotion…

Flo
Flo

Hi David I enjoyed your article however I think your concept of being high value high status and vulnerable maybe can be better described and understood by describing these 4 qualities that we woman must possess: 1- Confidence, 2- Authenticity, 3- Passion, 4- Receptivity. Now starting with the first one I think being confident really means loving ourselves, I like to think to think of the word confident as con-fede from italian which means “having faith”. So I think being confident means so have faith in yourself, which is to love ourselves because having faith is truly loving ourselves. Because… Read more »

Flo
Flo

Hi David I enjoyed your article however I think your concept of being high value high status and vulnerable maybe can be better described and understood by describing these 4 qualities that we woman must possess: 1- Confidence, 2- Authenticity, 3- Passion, 4- Receptivity. Now starting with the first one I think being confident really means loving ourselves, I like to think of the word confident as con-fede from italian (confident in Italian is confidente) which means “having faith”. So I think being confident means so have faith in yourself, which is to love ourselves because having faith is truly… Read more »

Flo
Flo
Reply to  D Shen

Thank you David and Renee for your good articles. Reading your articles I have better understood how relationships work 🙂

Dani
Dani

Such valuable insights, thank you for writing this! I wonder though… how can a woman tell if the high value status and vulnerability she expresses is just quite the right amount. Is there such a thing as going too far when showing as high value and vulnerable? Are there ways to gauge a man’s commitment level, so to speak?

The one who...
The one who...

Hey Davi

The one who...
The one who...
Reply to  D Shen

DAVID Thankyou so much for taking the time to guide me with some of your insight, your a legend; I’m truly greatful 🙂 Well, I feel so much better now about events from my past and how I can show up in future – I guess that things are better than I thought and your insight really shed a’lot of light. I wanted to add also, I abcerlutly loved the content in this article – it was defiently worth the wait, in fact the information in this article is worth it’s weight in gold 🙂 Honestly, I really feel that… Read more »

Asta
Asta

David, thank you for a great article but I have a question! I have read articles for women about how to improve ourselves, unleash femininity, how to improve relationships, how to recognize and keep away low value not alpha males and etc. BUT my question is how a woman can help a good man to improve, to unfold his masculinity when there are sings that he may be an alpha male, but his masculinity was suppressed all his life by his masculine, managing mother and grandma and no father model? I think it is not fair to teach low value… Read more »

Asta
Asta
Reply to  D Shen

Thank you very much!

mercy
mercy

David where is Renee? are you still with her. I don’t see her on your website or your facebook. I really hope there is no issues cos your guys being together as a couple is such an inspiration to so many. please

Frennie
Frennie

How can I show up as a high value and high status women to the men?

Guest
Guest

Hi David, I have a question I would like you to answer please. I have a new boyfriend who is the first guy I have loved in years. I really love him. I am dealing with personal emotional issues too, and broke up with him for a couple of days last week. He seems to really understand me, and I realize that I’m very lucky. during those two days though, I had a conversation with an old friend from school which was texting. It wasn’t that bad, but he spoke to me sexually and I didn’t say anything back but… Read more »

Lujain
Lujain

What happens after love and commitment. Are those 2 traits enough to keep the man interesting and loving and show effort in a life long relationship ?

Anna C
Anna C

David, Thank you so much for these articles. It’s amazing to hear such insightful advice from a man’s point of view. And the videos look very well done, and artistic. The videos add a lot of value to the posts and allow us to relax a bit and watch what you say to reinforce the message. About the message, being high value is key to getting a man’s commitment. Before, I was a bit emotionally immature, as we all were, and I’m still learning and growing of course. In the beginning, I was attractive, I was taken advantage of by… Read more »

Anna C
Anna C

Another thing I want to add… your quote: “when people say they’re incompatible, they’re really saying that the other person didn’t present enough value or status. But that doesn’t sound so good, does it?” Very true. I once said someone and I were not compatible. I thought it was because he didn’t give me as much “soul connection” as I needed. But then I read your quote and realized… it’s not because he was not good enough, it was because he didn’t give me what I needed and valued. He gave a lot… truly he did… but it wasn’t what… Read more »

arwa
arwa

Hi David
I enjoy your articles , they are honest and hit the nail on the head
I would really like to explore more about showing up as a high value woman
Can you help me with that?

amie
amie

Hello David! Great advice! I’ve read men don’t respond to WORDS the way women do, so I would love to hear your top 5 ways a woman can be vulnerable with a man…

Anne
Anne

This is a fantastic article -extremely well written and so clear! it goes both ways -women also seek high value in a guy. My issue is that I have been brought up to be independent and I don’t really know how to show my vulnerable side as I have a strong personality and used to do stuff by my own. I totally want a relationship. So this is where I think guys have a hard time connecting with me. Where do I get clues on how to show more that vulnerable side in the dating phase?

Bella
Bella

David, I have a question for you though. Once a man gets the woman and once the chase is over, don’t they get bored? Doesn’t being with the same person become monotonous and all? How can this be overcome? This scares me and I’m very concerned.

Rachell Briggs
Rachell Briggs

I don’t agree. This “appear high status/value” seems to be aimed at attracting a certain type of guy (think PUA douche type). My BS meter always goes off when someone goes to great lengths to make themselves attractive to others. Here’s a thought: just be yourself, and see what types of folks you attract. If you are attracted to someone, try to get to know them better and then decide if *they* are worth the effort of courting. Also, Rejection is part of life. Get used to it and don’t make it a reflection of your value as a human… Read more »

Anita
Anita

My key insight is this. From working a very high powered corporate job and getting tougher emotionally and being controlled almost all the time, my energy has become more masculine. In a group of women I many times admire ones with feminine energy without fully understanding it – as something i didn’t have. I.e I didn’t understand it till I found your website. Thank you for that. It affected me in many ways- my health, not allowing myself to be vulnerable, not being able to cry. It just somehow felt wrong. At the same time I also felt pity and… Read more »

Anita
Anita
Reply to  D Shen

Wow, thanks for the reply. Both Renee and you are so amazing- insightful, real and communicative. Thanks for clarifying that the goal is to be able to be at both extremes. I took one of your tests which said I was pretty much 50% masculine/feminine in terms of my energy and I could have concluded that I was more or less a finished product based on that if not for your reply:) I think I can hit the masculine end of the spectrum but am still not able to go all the other way which is a bit sad, but… Read more »

Anita
Anita
Reply to  D Shen

Umm..music touches the soul but so far it has never brought tears to my eyes. I generally prefer happy uplifting music though.
But The Notebook ( the movie ) always makes me cry. I guess thats what true love means to me. Old, wrinkled and on your knees at the end of your life, there’s still enough respect and connection built up that you’d follow the other person anywhere, even away from this world.

Sam
Sam

The guy I have feelings for also has feelings for me but won’t commit. He won’t spend time with me because he says he’s too busy. He flirts with me and teases me and does this more so when I don’t pay as much attention to him. Is this a sign that he has issues? or that there is something about me that deters him from committing?

lexi
lexi

I would love some advice on how to be a high value woman to make sure I am on the right track.

Cathy
Cathy

I struggle to know the difference between being vulnerable and high value. High value to me sounds like it means ” hard to get ” and maybe very self confident etc. Could you explain and example of how vulnerability may be expressed without seeming low value

Ellen Ribock
Ellen Ribock

I really hurt the “high status” image. What are the steps to get it back.

Chii .
Chii .

Hi David,
First, thanks for the article. Those points you made were very clear and made a lot of sense. I was wondering though, what are some ways a girl can start practicing vulnerability? The world has conditioned many like myself to suppress our feelings and act like everything is perfect, but that is blocking my vulnerability from within. How should I go about this journey to be able to genuinely express my true feelings?

Chii .
Chii .
Reply to  D Shen

Yes it was a sad soap opera that really touched my soul. The movie made me cry out loud, which I haven’t done in a long time now.

Chii .
Chii .
Reply to  D Shen

What would happen..? I would be a very sad person and cry a lot haha But on a serious note, it would make me feel more open about my feelings. Ask, are you trying to help me realize that if I continue to have this feeling of sadness and hurt that I will start feeling more vulnerable and real?

Chii .
Chii .
Reply to  D Shen

I’m excited to see what that side has to show me then 🙂
Thanks for answering my question, David! I look forward to learning more from you and Renee.

Jen9494
Jen9494

Hi David,
I’m following your commitment Control 2 course and attraction control monthly course and in those course and this article you guys mention throughout the importance of being High Value High status. But what exactly does that mean and what exactly does that look like? How does a how value high status woman behave, and think?

Kaoru
Kaoru

Thank you for this wonderful article!

nena
nena

hello David thats a wonderful article!could you please give some practical examples of showing high value vulnerability?

nena
nena
Reply to  D Shen

I think so!referring on an everyday interaction with a man where it is impossible to cry or being frustrated all the time:you mean we must make obvious all our feelings of weakness with our facial or body expressions without caring if anyone approves or feels any discomfort????

nena
nena
Reply to  D Shen

just a bit!so you mean express anything i feel even if this anger arrogance jealousy or need?but doesn t that bring me close to law value or neediness??????

nena
nena
Reply to  D Shen

Yes,but isnt there a danger of showing needy or low value???i mean i could feel arrogant or jealous or very strong or completely independent or dependent on a presence of a man!this is why i think its not right to show very vulnerable at least at the early stages of a relationship:that is until a man gets to know you very well

nena
nena
Reply to  D Shen

Then i would say that vulnerability means being exposed to your emotions and not care what the others think!!!

Kaoru
Kaoru

Re-reading it because really helpful.

Mariam
Mariam

My man proposed me a year ago. He loves me a lot, he cares for me and tries to understand me. Its just that I feel like his love is gradually fading away. He is becoming more and more busy. It really hurts. He lives in another city and despite my efforts would not come to meet me. He does not express his love in words but sometimes he goes out of his way to make me feel loved. I’m extremely confused and hurt Shen. Its like he switches modes between this caring guy and this insensitive narcissistic jerk who… Read more »

Meredith
Meredith
Reply to  Mariam

The behaviors you describe are the classic ones used by a narcissist, which are emotionally and mentally abusive. – He’s proposed, but you aren’t married yet. (This is called ‘future faking’.) – He’s “busy”. (Everyone makes time for what they want to do.) – Despite your efforts he will not come to visit you – He does not express his love in words – He hangs up on you (A cheap, disrespectful control tactic.) – He will NEVER EVER apologize for his behavior – He switches modes between a caring guy and an insensitive, narcissistic jerk (the classic ‘Dr. Jekyll… Read more »

alicia
alicia

so many good comments here! and thanks David for your replies often in the chain I really understand both people’s views more and it becomes clearer. I too struggle with the vulnerability part and esp seeing that as conflicting with high value. Often I suppose because when one is vulnerable one wants another to step in (neediness) I’m really struggling to differentiate the high and low value versions of this – I think Rachel had a point about them earning trust for your vulnerability -I think this may be what renee means when she says under 6 months in a… Read more »

Becky Roy

Wow! I love this. Thank you

christy
christy
Reply to  Becky Roy

You are welcome, Becky! Much love xxo

Shell
Shell

I LOVE this article. It really is SPOT on!! I’m probably not the most beautiful woman in the world, but I don’t go out EVER and not get attention from highly attractive, quality men that seem to follow me around like puppydogs. I have NEVER understood it. However, I truly have always done step 1 and step 2 and men constantly tell me how beautiful I am. SHOW UP!!! Seriously ladies, (LOVE THIS PHRASE) “Show up”!!!! BRAVO!!!

bt
bt

What a poorly written article. Saying you have to “prove your value as a woman” is 100% meaningless. This guy is just a shit pusher, constantly using infuriating click-bait style phrases to make you keep reading his meaningless garbage. He’s targeting “high value woman” who want a “high value man” because these are going to be the woman with lots of money to throw at him.

Don’t fall for this guy’s idiotic manipulative ideas.

Donna
Donna

High value, High status…. Yes, please, D. Shen…. Teach me!! I have been out of the dating scene for 8 years, now. And it’s rather scary for me. I would appreciate any help that you can give me. Thanks!;

Mickelle
Mickelle

Please describe in further detail what is your interpretation of a high value high status woman? And how does she present that to a man.

Missez Joō Valcin
Missez Joō Valcin

Oddly enough, while watchng this episode, I’ve Just found out that I Actually tend to exhibit Both of these traits…so…there must be something Else that I may be doing wrong without my knowledge. Or maybe the trick is that I Sometimes switch from High Value to Low Value and from Vulnerable to Closed-off whenever I feel threatened by a perticular man’s presence. I have obseved that in the past. If I Were able to figure out something I may be doing wrong, I could fix it. I believe there’s a solution for everything.

supaman659
supaman659

Why do I love white girls that know how to twerk?

backhe
backhe

I don’t care about the “social value” of the woman. In fact, I find it intimidating with women that have high social value, but that may be because I struggle with low self-esteem myself.

Annette Vaillancourt

I would say that the same 2 traits are what I’m attracted to in males.

Jess Almen
Jess Almen

I am so happy and grateful to Michael, he is a spell caster, he helped me in getting the love of my life back to me and we have been together for over 2 years now and counting. i felt i should share what i have with all of you out there seeking the affection of your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend. I know for a fact that a lot of people need this, you can reach him through his email address: michael.thegreat2050@yahoo.com

You will thank me later.

Telise Reid
Telise Reid

How do I learn to have high value high status

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